Ask Me Help Desk - Domestic partner googling escorts.

I came across the fact my guy of 5 years looking up escorts and body rubs. We have 2 kids together and when I confronted him he said it was curiosity because he was bored. When I'm bored I don't look up local escorts. He constantly watches porn which doesn't really bother me. Should I be worried?

When I'm bored I Google all sorts of things, but I can honestly say that I've never been bored enough to Google anything that would lead my husband to think I'm looking to cheat.

I don't believe that he googld this due to boredom. How is your relationship with him? Have you noticed anything else going on? Obviously you must have, otherwise you wouldn't be checking up on him.

This is really your call. I can only tell you that if I were in your shoes, I'd be worried, and I don't believe his excuse at all.

Our relationship has had many up and downs. I have major trust issues and he knows this. The reason for the trust issues is the fact that when we were first living together he was talking to different women but we worked it out. He knows I don't trust him but it doesn't matter to him because he knows I literally dontt trust anyone. He says he wants our relationship to work but stated that I've accused him so many times of cheating that I deserve it but that he hasn't done so because he's not messed up like that. He insists on working things out and insist he has not cheated nor intended to do so when he looked up escorts

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamal

Our relationship has had many up and downs. I have major trust issues and he knows this. The reason for the trust issues is the fact that when we were first living together he was talking to different women but we worked it out. He knows I don't trust him but it doesn't matter to him because he knows i literally dontt trust anyone. He says he wants our relationship to work but stated that I've accused him so many times of cheating that I deserve it but that he hasn't done so because he's not messed up like that. He insists on working things out and insist he has not cheated nor intended to do so when he looked up escorts

That clears up things a lot.

So you don't trust him, you accuse him often of cheating. That's a recipe for disaster. How has he put up with this for so long?

If you don't have trust in a relationship, if you continuously accuse your SO when it's not founded, how do you have a relationship at all?

Frankly, you're begging him to cheat.

Have you considered counseling to deal with your issues?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

That clears up things a lot.

So you don't trust him, you accuse him often of cheating. That's a recipe for disaster. How has he put up with this for so long?

If you don't have trust in a relationship, if you continuously accuse your SO when it's not founded, how do you have a relationship at all?

Frankly, you're begging him to cheat.

Have you considered counseling to deal with your issues?

Any time I have accused him of cheating is because I've found things such as him on plenty of fish (dating website) but he still claims it was a friend of his showing someone else the site. I've accused him about 4 times in 5 years including this escort thing but I've always had reasons I've done so. Never done so w out reason

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamal

Any time I have accused him of cheating is because I've found things such as him on plenty of fish (dating website) but he still claims it was a friend of his showing someone else the site. I've accused him about 4 times in 5 years including this escort thing but I've always had reasons why I've done so. Never done so w out reason

Relationship degradation is never black and white. You can never really say it is him or her. In this case it is really hazy.

You don't trust anyone. Without trust you can't have love or at least have it for long. You'll always question him about something. Why does he have a blonde hair on his coat? Why does he smell like perfume? Why does he have XXXXXXX in his browser history? Why? Why? Why? And his answers will never be enough. You'll always jump to the worst and believe it. This is your issue. This is something that YOU need to deal with. This will always be a hindrance to any long term relationship. The only way that you'll be able to have a long term relationship is with someone who is so whipped and controlled by you that there is no question about it because he's under your thumb.

That isn't healthy.

He's not innocent either. It is unclear whether this is a causal or the way he deal with life. There is the "Prick Factor" too, but I am unsure of that. Him looking at porn is not really an issue. It is the Plenty of Fish and escort sites that are worrisome. This isn't good on his part. What I have trouble resolving is whether he's doing this to get a rise out of you, AKA the "prick Factor", or if it is him trying to find an outlet. Is his interest genuine, or not.

I don't believe his "Showing the friend how" excuse. That's utter bu! Sh!t.

You guys also must have gone fast and furious with the major life choices. Seeing him for 5 years and two kids together. It must have been a whirlwind romance. That can have an interesting effect of relationships. There must not have been a lot of getting to know each other time before the first child came along and afterwards... well life with a new baby. Then another one quickly afterwards... Not good.

A couple follow up question to allow us to get a better idea of what is going on.
1). How is the intimacy in the relationship? Not just the sex but those other moments. Hugging? Kissing? etc.
2). How is the stress in and out of the relationship?
3). How are you two deal with the kids and all that?

My gut feeling is that you're both toxic for each other. If you didn't have kids together I would suggest going your separate ways and for you not to look for a relationship until you deal with your trust issues. With kids, that gets more difficult. The best thing I can recommend is definite counselling for you to get over your trust issues and couples counselling to get over the issues in your relationship.

Good Luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Relationship degradation is never black and white. You can never really say it is him or her. In this case it is really hazy.

You don't trust anyone. Without trust you can't have love or at least have it for long. You'll always question him about something. Why does he have a blonde hair on his coat? Why does he smell like perfume? Why does he have XXXXXXX in his browser history? Why? why? why? And his answers will never be enough. You'll always jump to the worst and believe it. This is your issue. This is something that YOU need to deal with. This will always be a hindrance to any long term relationship. The only way that you'll be able to have a long term relationship is with someone who is so whipped and controlled by you that there is no question about it because he's under your thumb.

That isn't healthy.

He's not innocent either. It is unclear whether or not this is a causal or the way he deal with life. There is the "Prick Factor" too, but I am unsure of that. Him looking at porn is not really an issue. It is the Plenty of Fish and escort sites that are worrisome. This isn't good on his part. What I have trouble resolving is whether he's doing this to get a rise out of you, AKA the "prick Factor", or if it is him trying to find an outlet. Is his interest genuine, or not.

I don't believe his "Showing the friend how" excuse. That's utter bu!!Sh!t.

You guys also must have gone fast and furious with the major life choices. Seeing him for 5 years and two kids together. It must have been a whirlwind romance. That can have an interesting effect of relationships. There must not have been a lot of getting to know each other time before the first child came along and afterwards... well life with a new baby. Then another one quickly afterwards... Not good.

A couple follow up question to allow us to get a better idea of what is going on.
1). How is the intimacy in the relationship? Not just the sex but those other moments. Hugging? Kissing? etc.
2). How is the stress in and out of the relationship?
3). How are you two deal with the kids and all that?

My gut feeling is that you're both toxic for each other. If you didn't have kids together I would suggest going your separate ways and for you not to look for a relationship until you deal with your trust issues. With kids, that gets more difficult. The best thing I can recommend is definite counselling for you to get over your trust issues and couples counselling to get over the issues in your relationship.

Good Luck.

Thank u so much for the response will definitely look into the counseling. You hit it right on the nose by saying we are toxic for each other