I'm 22, and I'm in university. I pay my own rent and tuition and I pretty much support myself. However, my parents still treat me like a 16 year old. I'm not allowed to date, or wear revealing clothes (which in their eyes is anything showing skin above my knees or even a little bit of cleavage), I can't even colour my hair without their permission. I recently went to see my boyfriend, who lives overseas, without my parents knowing, because I knew they would say no. They dind't even know I had a boyfriend and I lied to them saying I'm going for school, but I actually spent a week and a half with my boyfriend. They later found out that I lied, but they didn't know the whole truth, so I decided to tell them the whole truth and apologize. I called my mom this morning and told her the truth, and she cried to me and said things how I betrayed the family honor and how could I do this to them and that I have no moral conscience. I understand that she's hurt that I lied, and I know it was wrong to lie.. but I'm 22 and still living under my parents rules out of guilt of hurting their feelings. I don't want to keep living like this. How do I just let go? I feel horrible for lying to them, but I apologized to them, and there's nothing more I can do but listen to them yell at me through the phone. They even force me to come back some weekends. I don't want to go home this weekend because I really don't want to deal with them yelling at me and possibly beating me.. but I'm afraid they might come here to get me.. I really don't know what to do. For now, I just want to know how I can get rid of this guilt and worry that I feel, and learn to just let go.

What culture is this? Or is a certain religion involved that you expect a beating?

You have done nothing wrong. The guilt you feel is false and is projected onto you by the unrealistic expectations of your parents, expectations that have come out of their religion or culture. You are 22 and an adult. Additionally, you are financially responsible and self-supporting. You are legally and morally your own person now and not responsible to your parents.

I don't think the issue is religion or culture. Your parents are over protective. Everyone experience these things less or more. Parents always like to keep an eye on children. I know yo are 22 but still for your parents you still a child. I think no need to feel guilty. Just talk to your parents and ask them what they want from you. And don't lie to them and say whatever you feel. They should know how you like to spend your life. Your are responsible for yourself now, that's true but that doesn't mean you don't have any responsibility towards your loved ones. As far as you don't want to see them on weekends, tell them. You should see them when you feel like it. But you have to be honest with them,it will make things clear.

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Originally Posted by smkanand

I don't think the issue is religion or culture. Your parents are over protective. everyone experience these things less or more. parents always like to keep an eye on children. I know yo are 22 but still for your parents you still a child. I think no need to feel guilty. Just talk to your parents and ask them what they want from you. and don't lie to them and say whatever you feel. they should know how you like to spend your life. your are responsible for yourself now, that's true but that doesn't mean you don't have any responsibility towards your loved ones. as far as you don't want to see them on weekends, tell them. you should see them when you feel like it. but you have to be honest with them,it will make things clear.

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She's 22 and an adult and afraid of being beaten!! She said, "I'm not allowed to date, or wear revealing clothes (which in their eyes is anything showing skin above my knees or even a little bit of cleavage), I can't even colour my hair without their permission. I recently went to see my boyfriend, who lives overseas, without my parents knowing, because I knew they would say no."

Her parents are very unfairly controlling her.

Agree controlling. She needs to talk, there is lack of communication.

Yes of course there is lack of communication, but I don't see 'communication' coming out of parents this controlling. Her question is how to get rid of guilt. I think that the advice needs to be centered around her independence and awareness of herself as an individual, adult woman.

You can love your family while distancing yourself from them and not agreeing with their views. You can even forgive while distancing yourself. It helps free yourself from the tangled feelings. There is a very rich and famous man in the US whose father abused him horribly as a child. The son has forgiven him and bought him a mansion and given him money but will have nothing to do with him. He finds no conflict in that.
(The father, by the way, said 'If I had beaten you harder maybe you'd be president.' In other words, he takes credit for his son's fame.)