I have been babysitting for my older brother and sister inlaw since September 2012. I drive myself and my 4 year old son out to their house daily Monday-Friday and arrive there at 7:30am. Not to mention it is an hour drive from my house to theirs. My son and I are over there on average, 9 hours a day. I take care of their 3 year old boy and 11 month old girl. Feed them breakfast, lunch and on occasion dinner.

For the first few months everything was going great. But as time went on I started to notice that my sister in law was questioning me more and more about what I fed the kids and then asking me not to allow her son, my nephew, to have any sugar... not even fruit snacks and if I gave him juice I would need to water it down. Which is fine because I respect her wishes and did as she asked. But it wasn't like I was giving them a ton of snacks and crap food all day everyday. Most of the time it was a great job eating your lunch treat. But just yesterday we were all over at our moms house having a family dinner. My older brother who I babysit for brought over some ribs and cooked them up. I had my son try them and he said that he did not like them. I bbq'd my son a hotdog intead. Eventually my son decided to try the ribs again and devoured it. After he was done eating I stepped into the living room where the rest of the family had been eating and caught my mother telling my father that my older brother, who was sitting out there as well, said that my son doesn't eat anything but crap and that is why he wouldn't eat the ribs. I said what?

My mom repeated it just the way I heard. So I looked at my brother and asked him really? He looked up from his plate and said to me, yes. Your son doesn't eat anything but crap and that's why you made him a hotdog when he wouldn't eat the ribs. I screamed at my brother, that's funny because the person that feeds her son crap watches your 2 kids everyday so they must eat crap too. I walked out of the house and could hear my brother getting mad at my mom. I wanted to leave but didn't want to ask my brother to move his vehicle because I was pretty mad and probably would have said something really bad. I waited for about an hour until I finally asked my younger brother to go move my older brothers vehicle and when this happened my older brother just straight up left. He didn't come appologize he didn't try to reword what he said he didn't try to do anything. His fiancé was still at my parents because they came in separate vehicles. She didn't say a word to me either.

If it were me and my husband said something like that and then took off without saying sorry I would have appologized on his behalf. But to top it all off I still drove all the way out to their house to watch their kids and when I got here this morning my sister in law didn't say a word to me until she was leaving. She said thanks. Really low tone and not meaningful thanks. What should I do? I'm not comfortable here now and I'm honestly still pretty upset.

If they don't appreciate your help, tell them to find someone else they can trust to take care of their kids.

And wait until they find out what regular childcare costs...

Thank you! I really need that extra push to tell them that it is time to find a new sitter. I hate all the tension and feel like if I keep coming here it will only get worse. But I am also have a bad feeling that my "quitting" will create reason in their eyes to keep me from seeing the kids. Which isn't fair to them, myself, or my son... geeezzzeee...

THey will get over it... and if they don't.. screw them,. at least you will have peace of mind. You don't want to have a stroke or worse over stress at your age... and it does happen from time to time... you have to be around for your son.

I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bathwater here.

The issue, that triggered all these bad feelings, was the comment about your sons eating habits I take it, from what you wrote.

I think you over reacted, and you and your brother both handled yourselves poorly.

You need to speak to him. If your relationship had been fine up until that one incident, sit down and talk to him about it.

If this was, on the other hand, the straw that broke the camel's back- i.e. more things are going on that you haven't identified in your post- then try here to better explain how this one incident has caused such a rift.

Also, think long term here. These small incidents that happen between family members, no matter how well intentioned or not, can cause far more consequences to the family as a whole. Your mother, you, your brother, and your sister in law are now all involved with hurt feelings and likely confusion.

Try to make an agreement with your brother that if he has any concerns about your children, he will speak to you, and only you. Likewise, if you have concerns about his children, you will speak to him and his wife. This kind of agreement can prevent a lot of trouble down the road.

But, it is preferable to leaving things unsaid, because there will be no resolve.

Both you and your brother have to act like adults here, and sit down and calmly discuss what happened.

I completely understand where u are coming from. I would like to let you know that as far as issues with my brother, this is the first. However, as far as issues with my sister in law, there have been many. Really too many to list. And not all of them have to do with the way I feed my son. I don't want to throw the towel in but he took it to far. You don't mess with a way a parent raises their child... you should just respect it. Unless they children are being harmed.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ld-735244.html,

Wonder if this could have caused their reaction?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ld-735244.html,

Wonder if this could have caused their reaction?

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What? The fact that my son had a severe case of the stomach flu? That EVERYONE got eventually!

You don't say how you are compensated for your work at their house. Do you need the funds you receive? Do you have other options financially? Do they have other options for care of their children? Do they have someone else in mind to provide the care and hope that you will quit and it will be your decision, not theirs?
If you are performing the service to them as a favor, it is obvious that they don't appreciate it so give them notice and stop it.
If there is benefit to both sides (you get adequate compensation and they get good service they probably can't get from others), meet with them and iron it out, just like it is strictly a business decision.
The difficulties the three of you are having are part of the reason businesses have policies against employees being supervised by their relatives.
There again, I am assuming that you are compensated for your work and travel. If not, give notice and end it. Sounds like they don't deserve you, and as smoothy mentioned they are probably in for sticker shock over the real cost they are about to incur, let alone finding someone who cares about their children as much as you do.

Without knowing what you do feed the child, how can we judge what you feed or do not feed, I do not know if you feed them junk or not.

Not sure why you felt the need to cook your child something special at a dinner, sure there was other food, and children need to learn to eat what is given or do without, at large group meals.

So perhaps you are not feeding the child as proper as others think you should.

Since nobody not even you knows why they say and do what they do, either talk it out and stop the emotional torture of bickering and hard feelings, or remove yourself from the situation.

Make a decision based on the facts, and not just hurt feelings.

I too wonder about your compensation, which you didn't mention. It is difficult to believe that you spend all that gas money and hours a week for free.
I also think there is a vast under story. Tension has been building with your SIL over food for months, and you say 'it wasn't like I was giving them a ton of snacks and crap food all day everyday.' And something about mostly 'good job treat'... I won't even get into what I think about that.
It doesn't matter what you think about food vs what they think or anyone thinks. If they are paying you an adequate wage, they get to set the rules about food. You say you respect their wishes, but it isn't clear that you do from other things you say.
This is a good way to ruin family relationships, so I would quit, and ask if you can all make up. I see no fault here on either side, or equal fault, same thing.

Thank you to everyone who replied with thoughful sugestions. I did sit down with them and talk about what had happened and what led up to the blow up. We both applogized and agreed that we would come toone another if we have anymore issues.

For those of you who are wondering if they "pay" me for my services. Yes, yes they do. I get $700 a month. Here in Washington that is a significant discount for childcare of two children. But that has never been an issue.

For those of you who wonder what I feed the kids on a daily basis... well breakfast usually includs fruit and oatmeal or fruit and toast. Or depending gon the morning eggs and bacon.
Lunch always have a veggie i.e. mini carrotts or brocolli then either a meat sandwich or pb and j. Yesterday they had chicken tenders. Some days they eat left over dinner. As far as snacks goes they get mandrine oranges, bananas, appleas, peanut butter crackers, yogurt, annies bunnie chocochip cookies, string cheese etc. And their treat normally consists of 2 animal cookies or a small glass of homemade barely any chocolate milk. Throughoit the daytheydrink milk and water.

For dinner my son eats what we eat. Pork loin roast, homemade chicken chili, meat loaf, tacos etc. He eats all veggies. So as far as me giving him something other thanwhat we ate for dinner on that specific occasion to me it was not a big deal. I choose my battles, and for me that was not a battle I wanted to fight at the moment.

My son did eat a rib that night as well as the hot dog and his baked beans and homemade potato salad. Grandma even gave him a mini ice cream cone.

Glad that you resolved things through honest communications and can let the hurt feelings go.

'We both applogized and agreed that we would come toone another if we have anymore issues.' - That's all that matters.

'I get $700 a month.' - Yes, they are getting a bargain.

Who doesn't have sibling fights? Glad this one is over.
I apologize for sounding picky about the food and the money.

No need to apologize. Everyone parents differently.

Sounds like healthy meals to me. My daughter eats about the same, except for the fact that she REFUSES to drink water besides when she is playing sports. So that leaves us with diluted juice or milk.

Glad things worked out for you. I never had good experiences working for family or close friends. I hope this works out for the both of you.