I am in love with my best friend of 7 years. It took me awhile because she is cold and emotionally distant but about 3 years ago I noticed I had developed feelings for her. I never would have said anything because she has a boyfriend whom she had a child with and I didn't want to interfere. However, about a year ago she sent me a drunk text message where she confessed that she loved me and I told her I loved her as well. Then the next day she acted like it never happened. She wanted to pretend it never happened and I couldn't let it go. I wanted to discuss things. I wanted to ask her if she meant what she said or was just drunk. She told me to off and we had a falling out. We didn't speak for several months then I started texting her. We saw each other occasionally on campus but never hung out. She texted me that she missed me but I didn't reply. A month or two ago she was accepted to medical school in Baltimore and told me she planned on moving with her boyfriend in July. Last week her boyfriend was out of town and she messaged me and said to come pick her up. We went to a bar and while we sat and drank she started moving closer and touching me. I didn't encourage her in any way bu she leaned over and kissed me. We ended up making out and fooling around and she told me that she always loved me. The next day she texted me and told me it was my fault that she had done that. She was freaked out someone saw us and would tell her boyfriend. Now she is ignoring my texts. I don't know what to do. I love her but think its kind of whorish for her to be professing her love to me while staying with this guy. She is only with him because she needs help supporting her children while she is in med school and he makes a lot of money. My mind tells me that this girl is bad news. She's using people and I know that's a bad sign. But I love her. I don't know what to do. Never contact her again and let it go? Or hold out hope that she will leave this guy and we can be together. Help!

Let her go.

She's not mature enough to leave her boyfriend. If she really cares for you, she should be a big girl and do the right thing. Cheating on her boyfriend (and face it, making out with you, drunk texting you, etc, is cheating) is not a great quality in a girl.

She has kids with him, she obviously cares enough about him to stay with him. Maybe she is using him, but she's also using you.

She has to fish or cut bait, and frankly, if she cut bait, I still wouldn't take her. She cheats and it's your fault? Who needs that kind of drama?

Find someone better, it shouldn't be hard.

She will not give up medical school for you and she is moving. Your life is stuck because of her. You need to make the right decision and that is stop all contact with her. Otherwise your life will stay stuck. Move on - there are better people for you to associate with.

Tell her you could find someone else and you don't have time for this. If she is serious she will see what she is about to lose. I could see how she feels "stuck" with this guy because she has a kid with him and because he provides. She needs to know she could lose you and you won't wait forever. Good luck

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Originally Posted by Alty

Let her go.

She's not mature enough to leave her boyfriend. If she really cares for you, she should be a big girl and do the right thing. Cheating on her boyfriend (and face it, making out with you, drunk texting you, etc, is cheating) is not a great quality in a girl.

She has kids with him, she obviously cares enough about him to stay with him. Maybe she is using him, but she's also using you.

She has to fish or cut bait, and frankly, if she cut bait, I still wouldn't take her. She cheats and it's your fault? Who needs that kind of drama?

Find someone better, it shouldn't be hard.

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Thank you both for your responses. It reinforced what others have told me and what I know in my heart I must do. Thank you for taking the time to respond and offer words of guidance to a total stranger.

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Originally Posted by Josskacer

Thank you both for your responses. It reinforced what others have told me and what I know in my heart I must do. Thank you for taking the time to respond and offer words of guidance to a total stranger.

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You're welcome. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone that loves you as much as you love her. You deserve to be the priority in someone's life, not an option.

Good luck.

Regardless of the reason of why she has her boyfriend, the fact stands that she does, respect her and her relationship, if it is meant to be your chance will come, this is not where things are now.

You kissed and "made out" with someone who is in a relationship. The person to ask what you should do next is her boyfriend.

Why are willing to settle for second place in her life?

EDIT: Is this the same person who was acting in a "slutty" fashion several months ago? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ay-657593.html

I also note that someone did to you what you are doing to her boyfriend. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...art-74734.html
Sometimes people learn from their experiences. Other times they do not. You are putting him in the shoes you were in, and I see your question about "me," "me," me.