Ask Me Help Desk - My live in boyfriend cheated on me with an acquaintance

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for three years and we currently live together. I just found out that he has cheated on me with one of his coworkers who I am also acquainted with. We went through a rough patch a year and a half ago when he got jealous because I was flirting with an old classmate. I never cheated, just chatted with my friend while he was in Afghanistan. I thought we got past it since we talked about my mistake and are still together. I recently found out that he has slept this coworker at least three times about six months ago. I'm not sure if they are still sneaking around since their previous encounters were during the workday and she has since transferred to another site and he doesn't have any lost time. Normally it would not be a question of what to do, I would break up with him and find a new apartment immediately. My only hesitation is that I have started in a home buying program that requires me to have the same address for a year. I will have all of my papers to finish the process in about 8 weeks. I'm thinking I won't let him know that I found out till after I have my home secured. It will be hard, but I think it is better for me in the long term to suck it up for a few weeks and get my first home now vs waiting another year if I move out.

I agree stick it out before you confront him then whatever decision you make will be because u want to and not feel like you have too.

Just found out my boyfriend cheated on me with a coworker that I am friendly with. He doesn't know that I found out but he will shortly. After I confront him, do I beat her for knowing about me, smiling in my face, coming to me for work advice while she was screwing my man (and has a boyfriend of her own). Im tempted to post the evidence on both their fb walls so all their friends can see how nasty and trifling they are and send it directly to her boyfriend as well so he is aware as well. I don't ask this to let my boyfriend off the hook, these actions would be in addition to my breaking up with him and moving away. I am so disgusted and I know if I she her before I confront my boyfriend it will be very hard to contain myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taigress

Just found out my boyfriend cheated on me with a coworker that I am friendly with. He doesn't know that I found out but he will shortly. After I confront him, do I beat her for knowing about me, smiling in my face, coming to me for work advice while she was screwing my man (and has a bf of her own). Im tempted to post the evidence on both their fb walls so all their friends can see how nasty and trifling they are and send it directly to her bf as well so he is aware as well. I don't ask this to let my bf off the hook, these actions would be in addition to my breaking up with him and moving away. I am so disgusted and I know if I she her before I confront my boyfriend it will be very hard to contain myself.

No, you do not 'beat her' or 'post evidence' anywhere. You stay out of her relationship and deal with your own. It will be more than enough of a mess for you deal with.

Do not confront her. She isn't worth your time. Whatever she did doesn't matter because if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else.

Really, is she worth going to jail? Is she worth losing any chance of owning your own home? I highly doubt it.

What happened to waiting it out for housing thing to go through?

Hey - have all the chain saw death fantasies you want, but don't act on them. I can't imagine anyone not having them.
You don't say whose apartment you are in, or if you leased it together, or why you can't kick him out once you confront him.

I'm all for the practical decision to hang on to your first time buyer application! Grit your teeth and wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Hey - have all the chain saw death fantasies you want, but don't act on them. I can't imagine anyone not having them.
You don't say whose apartment you are in, or if you leased it together, or why you can't kick him out once you confront him.

I'm all for the practical decision to hang on to your first time buyer application! Grit your teeth and wait.

We leased the apartment together, but the house will be mine alone. I don't actually think that I will physically hurt the girl but I will let her know that I found out and that I am disgusted that she could smile in my face while spreading her legs for my boyfriend. If she didn't know me and my boyfriend lied to her about being in a relationship, then I would have no issues with her at all and would solely focus on him. But since she knew me and about our relationship and built a quasi relationship with me as well, I will let her know what I think.

Which I will also do with my boyfriend. I know that he is in the relationship with me not her, so he definitely deserves to hear what I think before we end.