I'm 20 years old and a middle child with one older sister and one younger sister. As the title suggests I feel so empty and depressed periodically. At times I just want to run away. And the thing is I'm not supposed to feel this way because I have no reason to be this down. I have friends, family education. Yet I feel I just don't belong. What do I do to overcome this?

Have you had a checkup? What's your diet, and activity level like? What's going on in your life now? Do you have a full social life? Are you on meds? Had any major changes lately?

I do have a social life. And I've not had a checkup in about 3 years now. And this kind of emptiness is something I've been dealing with the feeling of emptiness and not belonging for about 5-6 years now. There are moments when I feel better but it doesn't go away. And I moved away from home but its been a year now. I don't regret moving out at all

What do you do with your alone time? Do you feel this way when things are busy, or you are in the middle of a social event? Sorry for all the questions but often lulls in a busy schedule brings about down feelings.

How have you coped with those feelings before?

The fact that you mentioned being a middle child in such a short description of yourself might mean something. Sometimes a middle child feels left out, as the oldest gets praise for succeeding and the youngest gets coddled and encouraged. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but is there anything to that? Do you feel under-appreciated?

I watch movies/read books etc with alone time. When I am busy I don't feel this way. I just wait for it to pass away. Or not think about it.

There's being alone and there's being lonely. Alone is good. That's when you can give special, uninterrupted attention to yourself -- to read, to do a crossword puzzle, to watch a favorite TV show without someone breathing down your neck to change the channel, to just sit and look at the cats batting around a wad of paper or look out the window at the grass turning green. Lonely is not so good -- wishing someone would call or invite you out for McDonald's or take you along on some adventure.

Which one, alone or lonely -- which describes you? Or both do?

Sometimes. I mean its not a big deal. Its normal for the oldest to get the firsts and the youngest to get the lasts. Its nobody's fault. I;ve made my peace with that. Besides, like I mentioned, I've moved out of my home and its been a year. So those things shouldn't even bother me. Right?

I do get alone time. Lonely? Not so much. No its just that despite being surrounded by friends and family I still feel so lonely and detached. Like I don't belong. And I am not supposed to feel this way.

There's no right or wrong or 'shoulds' about how you feel about relationships with family. I felt lost and alone because my mother was miserable with herself, and didn't love any of us. Each of us is different. You may have made peace with certain feelings or you may have brushed them aside, common in intelligent, rational people. Tell us what sorts of large, concrete things that emphasized your middle child role happened?

I think sometimes we do feel lonely and detached when we rather be doing something else. Or need some attention. Or wonder why everyone around us seems to be having more fun than we are. Sometimes we just get tired of the same old grind with others, that's comfortable yet predictable.

Does it matter? Its not like I live with my family anymore. The feelings should go away. But since you ask. I mean take writing for instance, my sister is supposed to be an excellent writer and my dad is crazy proud of her. And he wanted me to be just like her when it came to this. But I was just not interested in writing like she was you know. And the more he forced me/pushed me towards it the more withdrawn I became from my family. Because I felt suffocated. And my younger sister never got that side from him because my dad really does adore her. You know barely saying no. And then even in the extended family it was always about my elder sister and about how excellent she is. But I may be completely biased and this is one side of the story. Anyway, how is that relevant to all this? I have made my peace

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Originally Posted by sttw11

Anyway, how is that relevant to all this? I have made my peace

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What are YOU good at?

I'm the oldest and a good writer; my brother, the middle child for years, can fix anything (is an auto mechanic), and my sister is a social butterfly. Then years later, my baby brother came along. He was cute and adorable, but had no special talents -- but didn't need any. Cute and adorable, being a bonus baby, seemed to be good enough. It has fallen to the cute and adorable brother to take care of our parents in their old age, and he has done a good job of that. It all seems to work out in the end.

I'm the brainy one in the family. You know the one with the grades/getting into the top university of the country/make lots of friends.

LOL. Reminds me of when I moved out and actually missed the chaos of family life. While you cope with it and stay busy, sometimes it takes getting use to. Just the quiet of being alone is different and you can't just walk from one room to another and get noise from another human.

Where there was little or no privacy, now there is plenty. Its was downright disconcerting at times. Maybe this is what's happening to you as you are getting use to the quiet ways of being alone and making your own world.

Sometimes its not easy to fill in those blanks especially when you have had those feelings a long time when you were at home, but being by yourself can make those feelings magnified, and upfront. Just under the surface is a bit of restless discontent, just enough to throw you off. While I have coped by having chores and projects to fill the time, I admit that they lacked the proper stimulation and I was plain bored to be honest.

It wasn't until I got new sports buddies, breakfast buddies, TV buddies, did I start appreciating that alone time and look forward to it, just to rest because being a social butterfly is emotionally, and physically tiring.

Are you bored sometimes?

Ah, the brainy one. My dad was the brainy one, and the goody goody. I think he felt lost and alone. And he was the oldest!
I was the youngest, and the most social and I did the best in school (not the brainiest underneath grades though).
I think my siblings each suffered in certain ways.
You may have been swept aside more than most.
It isn't easy to fill a void left by what was missing in childhood. Some people weather the most horrible lives because there was love there from someone, and others had it 'easy' but there was no love. How do we measure that? We can't. You acknowlege it and incorporate it into who you are, and proceed from there.