So, a little about me and the ex before we get into the story:

Myself: 26yrs old, own my own house, own 3 cars free and clear, financially stable but worry a lot about money for no particular reason, I always felt like I have been in a rut for the prior 3 years…had a lack of motivation for a lot of things but still maintained a generally good outlook on life, getting out of the military in a year but currently at a shore duty for my remaining time, 3 prior relationships (only one over a year which was a lot of long distance), I have good morals and am always described as a gentleman and such, can sometimes be really hard to understand until I let a person in a little bit, pride myself on always telling the truth and never breaking any promises, I have never shared any of my problems or my emotions with anyone including my family.

Her: 24 yrs old, recently divorced over the summer but separated for few months longer, mother of 2 beautiful children, has had a lot of self esteem issues and anxiety problems, several previous relationships prior to her ex but all of them ended up with her being dumped after she poured her heart into it, she was dumped after she was pregnant with the first child and then got married to the same guy that walked away after he came back a few months later… had a very torturous marriage with the guy and split from it when she didn’t feel safe anymore. She is currently living with her family trying to get back on her feet.

As far as the story goes, we happened to meet online. Not my choice by far, but I told a friend I’d give it a try since I hadn’t been seeing anyone for about 10 months after my last relationship which was 14 months. I was really hesitant at first to even talk, but I figured what the heck and said I’d give it an honest try. We talked for a few days online, then moved to the phone, and then eventually set up a semi-blind date. I mistakenly made it at my house and was in a panic over the fact that I should have made it at a neutral spot… but she ended up being fine with it. I was still nervous about everything before she showed up that day for dinner. We cooked together and talked for about 5 hours and really connected. And when I say that we connected, I mean that we lost track of time and neither of us could believe how into each other that we were. After that first night, which was only dinner and talking, we started dating. The second date, I met her closest friends and some of her family and was able to get along real well with all of them. We dated for about a month before she asked me if I would like to meet the kids or if I would like to keep things as they are. I told her that I would love to meet her kids if that is what she really wanted. We ended up having a brisk meeting to see how they would react to me, and then later on had a day that I spent baking with the daughter (3 ½ at the time), her and the grandparents. That day the daughter really took a liking to me, which surprised her mother and the grandparents. The son (less than a year at the time) didn’t like when I wore a hat very much but eventually grew accustomed to and became comfortable with me. She was ecstatic to say the least. Things were off to a really good start. She spent Thanksgiving with me and I spent Christmas with her family. Christmas was about 2 months into the relationship and aside from the other presents I got her, I decided to give her a key to my house…. Something that I had never done for anyone else. She accepted it with a smile and a lot of happiness. We went to her cousins wedding together and had a great time even though I was too shy to dance.
When January hit though, we started having some slight bumps…. Some small arguments over stupid things, probably because we didn’t have anything that we thought was wrong at the time. She got upset with me one day in January when my phone died while I was at work (it got too cold outside and drained the battery) and couldn’t call her after I got off. She was worried and I apologized, but we still got in a little fight over it. A few hours later she was over it, and everything was fine. This was the same month that I found out that the ex didn’t have any idea that I was seeing the kids, and that if I was over at her house when he came to pick the up I would have to stay inside so that he didn’t see me. She didn’t want any more tension with him over the kids than what they already had. Along with that, there were several times when I was over at her house and asked if she wanted help with the kids during certain times and she would tell me no, that I was there for her and not the kids, other times she would wind up yelling at me for not helping when she needed it. I was very cautious from that point on and just started helping whenever she felt overwhelmed which seemed to work out all right. Mid-month she started having a major panic attack from a lot of stress she had and broke into tears when I was over. I spent a couple hours comforting her and talking about everything with her. She kept telling me how her life was horrible and that she could never get a break, that maybe she should have stayed with her ex just so that the kids could be happy… she said that it hurt her every time to see their happy faces when the two of them were standing next to each other, but that she couldn’t go through all the pain and discomfort of every thing that she had gone through before again. She ended up falling asleep in my arms and when she woke up in the morning she was better.
Around early February I was having a lot of stress at work and was bringing it home with me, and even though I always apologized and meant it she would get angry with me over our conversations and end up hanging up or not talking to me for a few hours. This went on for about a week until the stress lifted from work and she ended up sending me an e-mail because she didn’t think anything else was getting through. She stated that sometimes she felt that she was the most important thing in my life and at other times she felt like she was a disappointment and nothing that I wanted…. She went on further to say that it put her back into a bad spot in her life too many ups and downs with the recent bickering that we had been having. Stating that she hated V-day, and how it was a day of false love full of cards and candy when that is not what love is….she told me that all she wanted was pure love from me. I was working on V-day and we set up to spend the entire weekend together….which was our normal time with each other without the kids, it was just the way that our work schedules and her schedule with custody of the kids worked out. She made me promise to get her nothing for V-day so I made the promise and ended up doing everything that she wanted over that weekend. She ended up getting me a card and made a very touching poem that she hand wrote on some hanging clear frames…. This was the first time that I really knew that she loved me for exactly who I was. She had been the only person that I had ever opened up to and I had done that back in December and then in January some more about a lot from my military service and then some from my family. I felt that she really showed me what love was really about.
A week after V-day, she started to grow distant. No real reason why that I could see and she stopped talking to some friends that I introduced her to. I asked a couple times if something was on her mind, if anything was wrong and she told me that there wasn’t, that there was just some stuff going on and didn’t want to talk about it. I told her that I would give her space about it and that when she was ready that she could come to me to talk about it. A couple weeks went by and nothing happened…. She got angry a few times over some small stuff, even though I was trying to be nice. I called her one day during lunch and asked her if it would be okay for a friend to borrow a car so that they wouldn’t have to keep renting one, and she flipped out on me. I spent the rest of the day trying to calm her down but she just wouldn’t. A few days later I was over at her house and she was still angry about it…. I asked if she felt threatened over the fact that the co-worker was a woman and she told me that she wasn’t and never explained the reason why she was angry. After that we say each other on a Sunday and spent a little time with each other and then the rest with some friends we hadn’t seen in a while. That Wednesday she was getting sick and thought she was coming down with bronchitis. She got sick pretty frequently during the winter, especially with the kids. Anyway, I spent the night taking care of her and ended up having to do all of the evening tasks with the son because she was so sick. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to put him to bed the first time and having him go to sleep, changing his diaper and all that stuff. Well, like I said I took care of her pretty much all through the night…. Waking up every hour or two to get her water, an extra blanket, to help her with medicine or to cuddle or whatever she needed. I obviously didn’t get too much sleep that night and when her son woke up in the morning she asked me to take care of him and I did. I changed him, let him out to play but she told me to keep him away so that he wouldn’t get sick… so I tried but he ended up throwing a fit. I put him in the other room and he started crying and trying to go back to see her and she said no again…so I raised my voice and told him to throw his tantrum in the playroom and just play, he stopped crying and started to play. As soon as a raised my voice I knew that I was screwed because I looked over at her face and knew that she was upset. I immediately apologized. I brought him over and let him see her and then let him down to play again. I kept apologizing and she told me that I looked miserable and that I should probably go get some sleep. I told her that I was just going to leave and not complicate things any further.
Come mid-march I ended up getting in a car wreck during a snowstorm. It didn’t look like it at the time, especially since I was able to drive it back to my house less than a mile away, but I totaled the truck. I called her after I took care of the insurance and she wanted to make sure that I was okay and told me to let her know when everything was taken care of. We talked and I asked if she was doing anything for the rest of the day and she stated that she was still sick and that both kids were now sick but she wasn’t doing anything except resting. I figured I would surprise her with a get well gift and a hand written card because it always made me happy to do something for her.

I drove down to see her and when I walked in she started flipping out…. Apparently her ex was on his way down to see the kids since I guess he hadn’t seen them on one of his custody days. She told me that I couldn’t be there and I told her that I just came to drop the gift off and to make sure she was doing well. I ended up leaving but not before she asked for a kiss and said that she was sorry and loved me. I told her it was okay and left. After that she was texting me and telling me that she felt so horrible about all of it…. That is when I ended up asking why he was going to be allowed in the house since it wasn’t something that had happened over the last 5 months…. She just told me not to question things and then she told me that I shouldn’t of come down unannounced anyway, that it wasn’t okay to do that. That confused me since I had done it twice before and she had been grateful for it. I told her that I’d wait for her to call me since he was only suppose to be there for a “bit”. I left her city 2 ½ hours later after running some errands and not hearing from her. I was pretty upset when I got home, but was able to keep it together until about 9:15pm (about 5 hours later). I texted and asked what was happening and if he had left…they were putting the kids to bed and the daughter wanted the father to stay until she fell asleep. I just asked her to call me when he left. Around 10:30pm I texted and asked again… but got no reply, I tried calling and got nothing so I left a voicemail saying that I was really worried. I waited another 10 minutes and then texted saying that I was so worried due to his past nature that I was heading down there again if I didn’t hear anything in 10 minutes. I wound up driving down and calling twice prior to getting there to see if everything was okay and I could just turn around. When I got to her house she finally texted me and told me that he was leaving after I said that I was there. I waited for him to leave and then she called me and started yelling at me asking why I came back and said that she felt I was spying on her…. That everything she had been thinking over the past few weeks was now going to happen. I just told her that I was sorry and started driving home, I was crying the entire drive home. She ended up looking at her card and gift, thanked me and told me to have a safe drive. I couldn’t go to sleep that night and ended up writing to her in an e-mail explaining why I was so worried about everything…. After that everything fell apart. She didn’t want to talk to me over the phone and said that she was too busy to see me and that we would talk but I wasn’t going to like anything she was going to say. She said that she loved me and that she never wanted to hurt me, but she was broken and had too much drama in her life right now and that a relationship wasn’t something that she could have or work on right now. She ended up waiting till that Sunday to come see me and even then she was hesitant because I had talked to one of her best friends to see what was going on and she knew nothing about it, so I just asked her friend to make sure that she had a good time over the weekend with her. Her friend wished me well, told me that she would and said that she really hoped that we could work things out.
My ex ended up showing up that Sunday after a weekend with her girls, she was hung-over, maybe still even a little drunk because she had spent the previous 3 hours drinking wine with her other best friend…. One that according to her had only one good relationship that she screwed up and then has had a bunch of crap relationships since. I thought that was a pour decision of who to talk to before she came up, but I never said anything. When we talked she had told me that she would listen to me, but no matter what I said she just kind of shrugged it off. She gave me some reasons, one being the schedule we had fallen into, another being that her daughter was uncomfortable with me staying over (her daughter told her this the first time I stayed over in December and she never told me anything!), and then the last one was me raising my voice at her son. I didn’t argue, I didn’t know what to say. She kept hugging and cuddling with me, telling me sorry, complimenting me, trying to get me to talk about something but I just sat there trying to figure things out because the reasons didn’t make sense to me. Why would she give me reasons that all could have been fixed with a little bit of communication or forgiveness. She forgave her ex for not strapping her son into his car seat for a 30 minute drive and she forgave her stepmom for being drunk carrying around her son and spilling beer on him, but I can’t be forgiven for raising my voice and apologizing? She took all of her stuff and left her key after that, told me that she couldn’t stay and talk anymore that she was too tired and needed to get home. Told me that she loved me and was sorry, that we will still see each other that it wasn’t the end but we just wouldn’t be together anymore. I broke down after she pulled away… I went to the hospital for the second time the next day. I had gone the previous week due to severe panic attacks and this time it was worse. I had actually never been dumped before, surprising but all of my previous relationships we both just agreed to part ways that it just wasn’t working the way that we wanted. So, I felt that after opening up to her that I was being thrown out like a piece of trash. She talked to me over the phone that day and told me that I needed calm down and that it was all in my head, that she was worried about me. After that she wound up not being able to talk to me on the phone again. I didn’t try to call more than once, and I tried to ignore her but she kept talking to me. I started seeing a psych because I thought there was something wrong with me, and wound up over the next 3 weeks seeing 3 different psych’s and having about 7 sessions. During the entire time she kept texting me, occasionally saying things that would give me some sort of hope of talking, but then taking a day or two in between the next contact. I always replied because I didn’t know any better and I ended up hand writing letters to help get my feelings out. I sent 5 over a week, and when she read them she told me that she read all of them and there was a lot of stuff she didn’t know about and a lot that she did. A couple days after that, I asked if I could call to talk and she said she didn’t think that was a good idea so I left it alone. She ended up texting me the next day to see how was doing and make small talk, so I talked for about 20 minutes and then I asked if later that night she could call and we could just have a normal conversation. She never called. At that point I slipped further into desperation and sent her two “final” e-mails and copies of the other letters I had written over the second week. The final e-mail I asked if she would come up to talk and that if she couldn’t for whatever reason that I understood and that I wouldn’t be talking to her for a while after that even if she was to reply.
Needless to say she never showed and I figured it was over that Sunday two weeks after she had told me that we were done. I was wrong, that Tuesday, she ended up replying to me e-mail stating that she didn’t want to talk, text, read e-mails or letters and that she wouldn’t read anything even if I sent it. She said that she understood all of my feelings but chose not to share hers for a reason. Stated that she would contact me IF and WHEN she thought we could be friends or IF she needed anything. The rest of it stated that she wasn’t going through anything crazy, that everything was good and flowing good with work, family and the kids; that I was holding on to false hope and that wasn’t good. Last of it was wishing me all the love, wellness and care in the world but it couldn’t come from her…. “Goodbye for now” and her name at the end. I was horribly upset after this and ended up going home from work, packing up the rest of her stuff that I could find, the stuff that I gave her and whatever she had given me including the poem she had written me. I took all of it down to her house, left it on her front porch with a note stating that “I was sorry for trying to make the relationship more than just a rebound for you” and I rang the doorbell and left. I texted her stating that the stuff was on the porch and that I wish I could have gotten a real good bye after all of that. She just said thanks, and that I should just leave. I told her I already had and that everything was on the porch except for something I would send when I got it back. She was angry at that and said that this wasn’t a game and I told her that it wasn’t a game, I didn’t have it in my possession and would send it when I got it back. She had no clue what it was and frankly at that point I didn’t care. She had told me that I should already be over everything and done with grieving….I ended up firing back that I having had a chance to grieve or get over her since she kept talking to me and not once since that Sunday that she last saw me had she ever apologized yet that is all I kept doing. This arguing continued for another 5 minutes and then ended up with her telling me that she never wanted to see me around her house again and that she wanted me stop talking to her and I told her that she needed to stop talking to me first. That was the last time I had any contact with her. It has been 11 days and I haven’t heard a peep. It has helped me do a lot of thinking and a lot of writing. Work gave me some time off to collect myself and get better.
Now, there is a lot of me that says that everything is over…. Dead over. There is also the side of me that says, you can try one last time because even after me break down and the “healing” that I have been going through I can’t for find anything but love and caring for her. Maybe I pity her, I don’t know. I have always cared more about other people than myself for my entire life. So I developed a partial plan and if that doesn’t work then I am letting everything go. If it does work, I am not sure where to go from there. I am not expecting anything from this just to make it fair to myself, but only time will tell. I am waiting 30 days from the day we stopped talking and then I am sending her the birthday presents that I got her several months ago… one being the thing that I didn’t have because I had to send it to a jeweler to get measurements and find an exact matching pair to the original. I am also sending a poem that took me 6 hours to compose, one that is based off the same book that hers was based off. Lastly there are two homemade cards and a homemade DVD for Mothers Day that has slideshows and movies of her children. I was already told that she would like all of them by people close to her, but like I said I am not expecting anything just to spare my heart from any more pain. She said that she didn’t want to call, text, e-mail or read letters…so I am not contacting her on her Birthday, she’ll just receive this box of stuff and everything will be left in her court to if she wants to do anything.
This is where my question comes in….IF and that is a HUGE IF, but if contact is reestablished and I mean more than a “thank you”… are there any suggestions on what I should do? I apologize for such a long post but I figured there should be a decent background to get decent answers. I am doing things to keep myself busy until then, and try to keep my mind off things. Thank you for any help.

And I'm sorry, not able to read entire thing. But I think she needs time to think and to sort out. You have to wait with patience. And think with practical approach. Where does this relationship going? Where you like to take it? Also her opinion is equally important.

I don't know why anyone would begin an answer with "I didn't read the question but, anyway ..." Why hand out answers without knowing the question - ?

I think her statement that she has too much drama in her life right now probably sums things up. Sounds like your relationship was, at best, rocky. She’s newly divorced, responsible for two children, you had problems at work and brought them home - she’s possibly just overwhelmed.

When you dropped in to see her and she freaked out was she aware you were coming to see her? If she didn’t she might feel cornered.

Everyone is going to have a spin on this - here’s mine. I would put how you feel into words, written words, and mail them to her. I’d start by stating that you think she’s under a lot of stress, pressure, and you don’t want to make it worse, but you’d like to give your relationship a chance, maybe make a fresh start, does she think it’s possible and how?

I’d list a couple of “I know you thought you didn’t come first examples” (for example, you were stressed out from work) but I wouldn’t dwell on it, I would apologize, I would move on. Beating yourself up will serve no purpose. Showing that you heard her and understood will go a long way.

Then I’d mail it to her and wait to see what happens next.

I would not put any pressure on her by calling, writing, texting. Give her a chance to sort things out.

There is one issue, though, which I think could be a continuing problem - I am a stepmother to 5, a stepgrandmother to 8. I have no birth children, so all my experience is with "steps." Correcting other people's children, even your stepchildren's, can be a complicated situation - on one hand you can be raising the children, but on the other hand you aren't a parent. I would make the rules of correcting her children very, very clear between you or this is an issue that is going to raise its very ugly head in the future.

"... also her opinion is equally important."


Yes, the other person's feelings and opinions in a relationship are important.

I agree that her opinion is equally important, but if she doesn't choose to share it with me... what am I suppose to do?

The relationship started really good and then, yes... turned rocky. I know that I told her before we actually broke up that we had been too busy focused on the future and hadn't spent enough time looking and focusing on the present and that was one thing she had agreed upon with me... it actually opened her up a little more, at least until she talked to that friend and downed a bunch of wine before she came up to break up with me. We also never established any real expectations of each other, especially with the children. That was probably a huge part of it. I can't remember if we ever tried to talk about that since initially things were off to a good start.

I tried hand written letters already... granted the were all written while I was an emotional mess, but the first 5 opened her mind up and I felt like things were getting a little better until I started asking to talk on the phone. Then the last 5 letters and 2 e-mails I sent before her e-mail I think just ended up pushing her farther away. I think her e-mail was evidence of that (The one saying she didn't want to talk/text/read, you have false hope, etc). I wrote and e-mail 3 days later stating that I had been an emotional wreck, that I felt the need to apologize for my actions on Tuesday and that I was sorry again for stressing out and bringing work home with me. That I needed to feel better about myself and be happier with what I do. I told her that I was starting to do volunteer work again which was something that I liked to do before I was deployed overseas, and that I was working with my bosses to figure a way out to limit my work stressors and start liking my job again. I also stated that I forgave her for breaking my heart and that I wished that she could soon find some forgiveness in her heart for me. I sent that with some pictures of her son from his 1st Birthday that only I had because I was the one who took them, thought that might be a gracious thing to do. That was sent a week ago and I haven't heard anything since. The only thing she has done since then was blocked me on a website... which wasn't even a website that we could contact each other through. I figured she was bothered by the quotes or pictures of clothing and everything else that I had that reminded me of her, so I spent the day after she blocked me rearranging everything and deleting her board to lift those stressors out of place. And no such luck with anything so far.

I talk to her brother pretty regularly too, I am pretty sure she is aware of this but hasn't ever cared. He's been helping me through a lot of this, and offering me suggestions. Him and his sister are close, but sometimes like now... she shuts herself off to even him. I have never asked him to poke or prod her, I have just asked him to make sure she is doing okay and I talk to him over what I feel and what I think she felt and did. I don't know... his suggestion was give her time to realize what she was doing and to cool down. He said she makes a lot of her own problems and just has to learn how to work through them, so I take a lot of his advice. He is the one that said that she would like everything I am sending for her Birthday/Mothers Day and that she would definitely be thankful, but he didn't know what it would do as far as bringing back the relationship or her being able to talk to me.

So, with all that... do you really think a letter would be a good idea? Her dad is a mailman and I'm not sure if he is mad at me, but I know that if she says that she doesn't want to see anything from me that he will probably listen and stash it away or throw it away... but I don't really know since the entire family liked me really well... it feels like a really touchy and volatile situation.

********************Threads have been merged for the entire story.********************


I posted another question but I think this is more of what I should get help with...

I just recently broke up with my girlfriend... a lot of things were unclear at the time, and I ended up getting into a desperation mode and pushing her farther way. Right now I am letting the dust settle and gauging how mad she actually is, I have also been looking at things that I did wrong, things we didn't set out in the relationship clearly and so on... I am pretty sure I figured out what I did wrong and know how to fix it.
I never bought her a lot of gifts, they were thoughtful when I did buy them, but it was few and far between and she would sometimes say stuff about it. I am waiting 30 days.. and that is mainly because her Birthday is coming up and I figured it would push her even further away if I didn't do something for her birthday, especially since I told her 2 months before we broke up that I already had her present and a card. It is also mothers day the day after her birthday, so I made a homemade DVD with slideshows of her kids and some video's and a homemade card. Lastly I got her a DR. Suess book that she used as a base for a poem she gave me for valentines day, and I spent 6 hours writing a poem talking about where the relationship started to get rocky and where I felt it could have gone had we spent time working things out, and that I still have hope. Question is... how much is too much? Even though I am sending these presents to her... I feel that I should try calling as well and just keep the conversation short for now with just a happy birthday and M-day? Should I just send the stuff and wait to see if she calls me... I mean sending everything shows that I didn't forget and that I still care a great deal. Although I signed the cards with just my name, and not "love" or "sincerely" because I didn't want to make her think this was a desperate move... I just want her to know that I care and that I am still thinking about her... that I am in process of changing and making myself better than before. Any tips?

A call or a card is enough to say that you care. With love or not with love, she will get your message. A gift should come from your heart.

It was too much when she told you to leave her alone and you have not. Let this go and get your own life without her back. You had a chance that didn't work for whatever reason, but now is the time to leave her and her family completely alone.

I mean when getting dumped leads to 3 psychiatrists you can bet this is a very unhealthy situation and your reaction to it makes it worse. At some point, like right now you have to accept you cannot fix this, given she isn't willing to do her part, and put this behind you.

Leave her alone to heal herself and unpack her own baggage from her divorce while you do the same. All I see is two lonely people who have used each other to distract from the pain they were feeling in their lives and while their were good times shared, not enough to sustain a long term relationship. She sure wasn't ready, willing, and able for sure. You both needed somebody, and that's what you got, but now its time to get healthy again and straighten out your lives apart from each other.

Forget the 30 day fix, and its always tacky to return gifts and mementos you accumulate but please give her property back, with out the drama and emotional fanfare and be done with the last connection between you. Then a true and proper healing without the desperate schemes can start.

I know you will not agree with my suggestion, and more often than not acceptance is hard and it takes a really definite reject to accept its over, so if you must try again, I hope you don't need a shrink to deal with the fallout.

Good luck, what ever you decide.

Agree with my colleague. After rereading I am pretty certain that attempting to discipline her child was a fatal mistake.

That does not change my advice - one more letter and then move on. I'd be sincere, woudn't beg, wouldn't be pathetic, but I would make one more attempt.

In reference to the 3 psychs... getting dumped was just the final straw, I already had enough crap from my deployments and current job that I was on the verge before I met her. I felt that I was getting a lot better with her, she was helping me become happier with myself and she made me happy as well despite the arguments. The first was for the break up and work... I didn't like him because he wouldn't focus on me and kept picking her apart (1 1/2 sessions). I switched to another one that I just talked with and he just gave me things to think about and come to my own conclusions... I stopped seeing him the Wednesday after she stopped talking with me (4th session), the final psych was mainly to see if I was ready to go back to work, had nothing to do with sharing the stories of her or anything from my deployments over again.

At this point, I don't think I am desperate any longer nor do I think I am scheming... do I really want her back, yes. Am I willing to do anything to do it... not if it will hurt her, me or either of our families. I am done with emotional letters, I am done with analyzing her and what I think her feelings are compared to mine, I know that none of that will go anywhere. I am sending back the rest of her stuff... that is all I have done is give back her stuff as I have been finding it, she has yet to return any of mine for whatever reason, forgetting, holding or throwing it out or whatever it may be. The only thing that I returned that she gave me was the poem and the card that came with it... she knows I memorized the poem the day I got it, but at the same time... the poem had the emotional significance of the key she returned to me. I know it was a mistake, but I can't take that back... I wasn't in a good state when I did that, but I wanted her to have all of her stuff that I could remember at that point back. I don't think I can really be blamed if I keep finding stuff around the house of hers... as I find it, I package it up to ship. When I am 100% sure that all of it is found, then it goes with everything else right before her Birthday.

As far as disciplining her child... I didn't think that is what I was doing... but then again I am not a father nor have I been around kids that much so what do I know about whether I was disciplining a 1 yr old. I just knew that what I did was a mistake the second I did it.

The gifts are from the heart... the set of earrings are an exact copy to the single one that she sincerely asked me to find because she loved it and it had sentimental value to it... the cards hand made.

The poem could be considered a "last letter"... it is an "I care enough to try again", but if she isn't willing to try... then it is a goodbye. This is what I am going to consider all of this. If she wants to talk again after it then she can call me... otherwise, I am willing to move on even though I still love her. Eventually I am sure that someone else will come into my life.

Thank you all for the help.

My concern is that you keep defending your decisions and choices, don't particularly listen to the very advice you have requested.

I can only address what I said to you. I think "so I raised my voice and told him to throw his tantrum in the playroom and just play, he stopped crying and started to play. As soon as a raised my voice I knew that I was screwed because I looked over at her face and knew that she was upset. I immediately apologized. I brought him over and let him see her and then let him down to play again. I kept apologizing and she told me that I looked miserable and that I should probably go get some sleep. I told her that I was just going to leave and not complicate things any further." You raised your voice to her child, told her to "just play," you could tell by her face that she was upset with you - and you keep defending the raised voice. Again, I can only address my life expriences. You are not the child's father. I don't raise my voice to other people's children, and that includes my stepchildren (and I was married to their father)!

You are going to do it your way - I truly hope it works out for you.

In the meantime, I think it's all been said.

Time to close the thread?

Please