Ask Me Help Desk - Mixed signals

To start this "wonderful" story, I'm 19 and fell in love with my bestfriend's older brother. He's 23. I've known the whole family from birth, my parents are friends with their parents.

It started a long, long time ago. I guess I was about 13/14, when he made the first move. Since then, we started to "see" each other behind everyone's back, because first of all he said to me: this is only going to happen once (which obviously didn't) and that resulted in us not knowing how we truly feel about each other.

I started texting him recently, we never did before. Don't ask why, I don't know. I got a quick reply and that's all.
I know I get goosebumps whenever I see him or talk to him, but I get so many mixed signals from him.

One weekend (they live far away so I stay weekends, always have) he is all over me and wants to see me whenever we can, the other weekend he is as cold as ice.

I know we can't let anyone know about the situation, because we don't know how the other person feels, but I'm lost. If I point blank tell him I like him, it will always be awkward around the two of us if he doesn't feel the same way.

Edit:
Hope I gave enough info, if not, feel free to ask questions.

To begin with he could have gone to jail messing with you when you were that young.
I think your families would be very upset. He is probably ignoring you because he does not want a serious relationship with you, you are OK to play with but nothing serious.
You really need to leave this creep alone.

Has sex been involved in this seeing each other behind every ones back?

You have feelings, he does not, well at least not as strong a yours and only sometime at best. Its up to you to stop this making more of a secret, sometimes convenient, whatever this, is and end all this speculation.

Sorry his signals aren't mixed, they just aren't the ones you want to receive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

To begin with he could have gone to jail messing with you when you were that young.
I think your families would be very upset. He is probably ignoring you because he does not want a serious relationship with you, you are ok to play with but nothing serious.
You really need to leave this creep alone.

Hi,
I don't know I'm understanding you correctly, when I was 13/14 he was like 17. Now we have both gotten older, I'm going to turn 20 and he is 23. So why would he go to jail? It doesn't make sense to me.
It started all innocent, just with a talk and a little kiss.
And he is not ignoring me, not has he ever. It's just that sometimes he is more bussiness-like in his talks, than other times.
But when he can, he will surprise me, by for example waking me up in the morning (his sister will be out) and just have a little chat. (I'm sleeping in sisters room, never with him). Or he would give me a little kiss in the hallway (when no one's looking).

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Has sex been involved in this seeing each other behind every ones back??

You have feelings, he does not, well at least not as strong a yours and only sometime at best. Its up to you to stop this making more of a secret, sometimes convenient, whatever this, is and end all this speculation.

Sorry his signals aren't mixed, they just aren't the ones you want to receive.

The thing is, I don't know how to talk to him about that. I don't want to just say I really like you. If it's not mutual, it will be very awkward every time we see each other. And that could be quite often, because our families are friends. Could I ask him, or what will I do when he doesn't answer?
Don't get me wrong, I hate to be insecure about this, and I just want an answer, even if he doesn't like me like that. I just don't know how to deal with it.

I would have let this go a long time ago as being an exercise in futility that can only lead to more questions than answers and some hard feelings. Often we don't get answers or understanding for many years and you both being young and following feelings has led you to this place of confusion.

From what you have written it was a secret thing of convenience and he has no feelings and you wanting to get a confirmation from the horses mouth can only be trouble. Its simple and clear you should remove yourself entirely from this situation and speculate no more on what he feels and why. This is a classic case of older child taking advantage of younger child for years(?)

If you are afraid to risk rejection, then walk away but playing mind game with yourself about another's feelings is a futile waste of time that goes nowhere. That's why its been a secret because he doesn't want to be accountable or responsible for his actions toward you.

You didn't answer the question if sex was involved and I wonder WHY?

I would like to know what this means: "Since then, we started to "see" each other behind everyone's back, because first of all he said to me: this is only going to happen once (which obviously didn't) and that resulted in us not knowing how we truly feel about each other." Does seeing in quotes mean sex?

If so there's no mystery of why he could go to jail - you were underage and he was a predator.

If you were not having sex I wonder why he was "seeing" someone 13/14 behind her parents' backs. This is called grooming - look it up if you don't understand. He doesn't sound like an upstanding citizen and "good catch" to me.

On the other hand if the question is how to tell him you love him, that's what you say, "I think you should know I love you." Let him pick up the relationship or run for the hills.

Or you could do nothing and see what he does next.

I don't know how you can love someone you really don't know... but perhaps "love" is too strong a word.

You have been messing around with this guy for all these years and you don't know how to talk to him? This situation is wrong on a lot of levels. I still say he has used you and is still doing so. You need to step away from this. You are both adults now, why the sneaking around? I would venture to say it's because he is not feeling anything for you.

I just noticed this part - "he is all over me and wants to see me whenever we can ..."

Yes, the OP has been groomed and is being used sexually. The part that concerns me is that she thinks she's in love with him.

I suspect neither family knows what's going on.

Fingers crossed they are using two type of birth control because I predict this guy will be out of here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would have let this go a long time ago as being an exercise in futility that can only lead to more questions than answers and some hard feelings. Often we don't get answers or understanding for many years and you both being young and following feelings has led you to this place of confusion.

From what you have written it was a secret thing of convenience and he has no feelings and you wanting to get a confirmation from the horses mouth can only be trouble. Its simple and clear you should remove yourself entirely from this situation and speculate no more on what he feels and why. This is a classic case of older child taking advantage of younger child for years(?)

If you are afraid to risk rejection, then walk away but playing mind game with yourself about another's feelings is a futile waste of time that goes nowhere. That's why its been a secret because he doesn't want to be accountable or responsible for his actions toward you.

You didn't answer the question if sex was involved and I wonder WHY?

To answer your last question: I wasn't my intention to not answer that. If you really want to know, no we have not.
Yes, I'm fed up with the mind games, but I can't help myself. I just can't not think about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would like to know what this means: "Since then, we started to "see" each other behind everyone's back, because first of all he said to me: this is only going to happen once (which obviously didn't) and that resulted in us not knowing how we truly feel about each other." Does seeing in quotes mean sex?

If so there's no mystery of why he could go to jail - you were underage and he was a predator.

If you were not having sex I wonder why he was "seeing" someone 13/14 behind her parents' backs. This is called grooming - look it up if you don't understand. He doesn't sound like an upstanding citizen and "good catch" to me.

On the other hand if the question is how to tell him you love him, that's what you say, "I think you should know I love you." Let him pick up the relationship or run for the hills.

Or you could do nothing and see what he does next.

I don't know how you can love someone you really don't know ... but perhaps "love" is too strong a word.

No, we haven't had sex. When I was a minor, he was too. So please don't talk to me like he is some scary/creepy fedofile. I understand you are trying to help me, but he is just a bit older than me.
Do you believe a 17 year old, who kisses with a 14 year old is a fedofile?
By seeing each other I meant, the things couples do, (as teenagers, but no sex) without anyone knowing.
We just come from really different families, and at the time we wanted to see what would happen between the two of us, before we would let the families know. So we wouldn't hurt anyone. I guess we did after all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I just noticed this part - "he is all over me and wants to see me whenever we can ..."

Yes, the OP has been groomed and is being used sexually. The part that concerns me is that she thinks she's in love with him.

I suspect neither family knows what's going on.

Fingers crossed they are using two type of birth control because I predict this guy will be out of here.

I know I really like this guy, because I can't stop thinking about him. I'm not saying I'm in love.
I also feel a kind of resentment towards me like I'm just a stupid ** and I should know better.

Btw, get your facts straight. (especially when talking to me like that).
The quote that you have like a signature. Know that Hitler is known for the love of animals he had, especially dogs.

Before you try and correct someone based on a quote that may or may not have been her words, you ought to know (at 20 years old) how to spell pedophile, it is not fedofile.

A 17 year old messing with a 13/14 year old is inappropriate. Has he been messing with you all of this time? You're adults, why is he still sneaking around? The guy is a creep. You don't string a person along for 6 years, especially not when at the beginning the child was 13/14.

First, I didn't write that. Second, what does it have to do with anything?

Third, a fedofile?

What does a quote about how people treat their animals have to do with you stating that some guy is all over you and you don't think he's a fedofile?

I have no resentment toward you but, yes, I think you are being used - and, therefore, foolish.