My ex and I were dating for about a year and a half. We lived about 30 minutes away from each other. We both have 3 kids separately from other relationships. We met at work. Everything was great. Talking about moving into together... Blah blah. I ended up getting pregnant and he went to appointments and than we just started not getting Along. He didn't end up being there for her birth. I didn't call him. I do feel bad. He started seeing someone else. I was heartbroken.

Then about a month ago we started hanging out. Talking and texting everyday spent the night. I asked him if he seen us going anywhere and what was going on. And he said he cares about me but thinks I deserve better so not at this time. :( I fell for this man. He was so compassionate and I fell in love with him right away. I thought it was going to be a fairy tale and it's just a disaster. Do I just let him go? If so how? I don't know if he's still seeing that other woman.

But how can he act like he cares so much when he doesn't want to be together?

After such a huge life changing event as child birth it often takes years of adjustments to be at least comfortable whether you stay as a couple or not. Don't push, just work on talking and being good parents rather than an official couple for now.

That will keep you both in each others lives on some level, even if its not what you really want. Takes time, one way or another so don't expect any quick fix, or magic solutions.

ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

After such a huge life changing event as child birth it often takes years of adjustments to be at least comfortable whether you stay as a couple or not. Don't push, just work on talking and being good parents rather than an official couple for now.

That will keep you both in each others lives on some level, even if its not what you really want. Takes time, one way or another so don't expect any quick fix, or magic solutions.

ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

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Thank you for your response. Can you keep in touch with me. I'm having a very hard time. I don't understand how he could go back to acting like e wanted a relationship just to tell me he really doesn't. I told hom don't expect me to be here if you change your mind. He said that wasn't fair. He doesn't see out daughter a lot but he always tells me what a wonderful mother I am to her. But he can't be the man I need him to be right now. I just can't understand it. It's hard doing no contact when we have a child. I wish I could and from now on I really am just keeping it about her. It's so hard. I've never loved someone before him. But than I ask myself was it all fake? We are in our 30s... Anymore advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I don't need him but I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And not because we have a daughter together because I love him.

Sorry about the spelling. I have auto correct and apparently it always thinks its right.

It wasn't fake at all and you made a love child, and now you want all the joy and happiness that you thought was going to come with it. It's a big let down right now for you, and I'm sure for him too on some level. I will be honest as I can't read his mind but if he is a good guy he will do the right thing by his family, but I can't say he will commit any further than he has. But you both still have to handle your business, and you have to be darn honest what you expect business wise.

You are right cutting all contact off is not practical, but leave the romance out of this until you both can be reasonable and get your acts together. My feeling is he should be in his child's life, and meeting what ever financial agreements necessary. I prefer a court agreement with approved child support, and visitation in writing to avoid any breaches, arguments and conflicts. Just me. Talk about it and the sooner things are worked out, the sooner things get normal and routine.

No half stepping playing daddy or drop in just to see his child when he feels like it, but some clear boundaries of respect established. Kind of hard to think that way I know, but baby is the priority not egos and fragile feeling. I feel if you can work together to handle business properly early on, then your child will have TWO great parents and set the tone for the future since in reality you are tied together for a long time regardless if you are a couple or not.

The next 6 months are about healing and talking and handling business. How are you with his family, and are his parents in the picture? Are yours? You need stability and support in your life from people that love you and the more, the better.

Looking forward to your thoughts. >BIG CYBER HUG<

I really really appreciate your answers and advice. I have a big close family.. And had a pretty normal upbringing. He had a terrible upbringing with a lot of hurt and terrible parents and step parents. He grew up in foster care until the age of 16 which landed him eventually in prision. I will try my hardest to keep things civil with him when it comes to our daughter. He only seems to ask about her when he wants to see me. He's never had her on his own. I just want him to care about us. Like I care about him. But I can't fix him. He's so worried about him. Im very financially stable and emotionally stable for our daughter but I feel like he's missing out. I want the best for him too. He's had such a hard life with such huge guards up. The past month has bothered me so much. He acted like he wanted to get back together. Made love, talked everyday. And soon as I asked him about commitment e just said I can't give you that right now... And we haven't talked in 3 days. I haven't tried contacting him either.

Anymore advice or thoughts?

In my experience the most heartbreaking events of our lives generally makes us stronger and provides valuable life lessons that helps us later. I think this will work that way for you, and glad (relieved) you have a strong support system in place.

Be very wary of a guy who can give you a baby without a commitment. Observe his actions and words going forward, as they will be the true measure of his character, and plan accordingly. Make some better decision for yourself based on more FACTS, than just FEELINGS.

Thank you. :) I just don't understand how someone can flip a switch. Care one day and not the next? I think about him all day but I haven't had contact for a few days now. So my sadness feels more like anger now. Would u like me to keep you posted?

I go back to what I said about word, and actions. When they don't match it's a red flag to make you alert and cautious. You saw what you wanted to see, and heard what you wanted to hear. I don't think he flipped a switch suddenly I think you missed a few signs along the way.

That's okay we all do when we are caught up in our feelings and don't see all the facts. But now you have new feeling as a result of his actions (and yours to be fair and accurate), and they too have to be dealt with. Your feeling will change also as you deal with them.

Of course let us know how you are dealing with them please.

You may be right. I've been looking up narcissism and he is text book! He called me twice today but I haven't answered. Or called back. He doesn't ask about our daughter except when he tries to see what I've been doing... So irritating. We had a paternity test for our daughter today but I mad mine earlier so I could by pass seeing him... Than we will have court for placement, the state of Wisconsin automatically does 50/50 so I had to retain a lawyer. $2000.00 later! It's so frustrating.

For a while it will be frustrating until the courts give you a way forward. Hang in there.