Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend rather watch porn than have sex with me..

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 years now. I'm 21 and he's 22. Over the past maybe 6 months or more we don't ever have sex... And I notice on his computer he watches lots of porn... And lately it's really been getting to me. It was his birthday this past weekend and we went to a hotel and we were drunk and we finally had sex. Afterward I kind of brought up the fact that he watches so much porn and never touches me and got upset and started to cry. He told me that he's just uncomfortable with his weight (he did gain a little weight) but so have I.

I asked him why we don't have sex? Like I asked if he's not attracted to me like what is it. And he said he just thought I didn't want to have sex anymore and every time I try and touch him kiddingly he pushes me away. And he told me sometimes he tries to touch me but I push him away. Which I do cause I think he's just kidding and nothing more. But anyway it's rare he does that anyway. So after we talked he said we will start having sex and spice things up. We used to be crazy and do lots of things.

Anyway, it's been a week and not once has he tried to touch me... And his still watching lots of porn. Like I'll leave downstairs to make breakfast or go to the store and feel uncomfortable because I know what he's doing. I don't know what to do and I don't want to feel this way. Any advice?

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It was his birthday this past weekend and we went to a hotel and we were drunk and we finally had sex. Afterwards I kind of brought up the fact that he watches so much porn and never touches me and got upset and started to cry.

Having a conversation like this when you're intoxicated will not necessarily have the best results. Maybe you should try speaking about the lack of sex (not the porn) again and this time be sober.

Also, if he is having body image issues, the drinking may have helped to alleviate some of his inhibitions.

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He told me that he's just uncomfortable with his weight (he did gain a little weight) but so have I.

Just because you have also gained weight, it does not mean that you'll feel the same about the change in your bodies. He obviously feels pretty insecure about it. If you want to help make his body image more positive, you should compliment the parts of his body that you particularly like. And don't do it just when you're wanting to have sex, do it all the time.

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And he told me sometimes he try's to touch me but I push him away. Which I do cause I think he's just kidding and nothing more. But anyway it's rare he does that anyway.

Then don't push him away, even if you think he's joking. He may couch his advances in a playful guise so as to protect his feelings should he get rejected.

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And he said he just thought I didn't want to have sex anymore and every time I try and touch him kiddingly he pushes me away.

This could very well be a reaction to what you said above - you pushing him away.

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And his still watching lots of porn. Like ill leave downstairs to make breakfast or go to the store and feel uncomfortable because I know what he's doing.

Would you be upset about the porn if you were still having sex regularly? I think the porn and the lack of sex are unrelated. He still has sexual desire and uses porn as an outlet for that but... he just thinks you won't find him desirable and/or that he is 'disgusting' and so does not feel sexy (i.e. these feelings get in the way of his desire for sex with you).

I think you need to stop fretting about the porn and start devoting your energies to building up his self image. Don't reject his advances, even if you think he's just being playful. Maybe once he starts to feel more positively about himself and no longer feels that you are 'rejecting' him, your sex life might pick up.

First of all I hate porn. I had a familiar problem . My boyfriend was obsessed with porn . He would watch it all the time. One day we were having sex and he couldn't come asked me if he can use the computer and that he would be right back. I told him no and asked him if he was serious, he didn't say anything and fell asleep. I told him there was something mentally wrong with him. How is it possible that you rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex with a real girl. Not for nothing but I would consider myself a pretty girl. You need to talk to him about that , its not normal

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Originally Posted by angeltri

first of all i hate porn. I had a familiar problem . My bf was obsessed with porn . He would watch it all the time. One day we were having sex and he couldnt come asked me if he can use the computer and that he would be right back. I told him no and asked him if he was serious, he didnt say anything and fell asleep. I told him there was something mentally wrong with him. How is it possible that you rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex with a real girl. Not for nothing but i would consider myself a pretty girl. You need to talk to him about that , its not normal

I love porn. I wank to it almost daily.

I also lay my wife as much as possible, but that has taken a hit considering that she's 31 weeks pregnant. With my child.

You've got a biased view point so I am not really going to expound on porn as well as male versus female arousal cycles. They'll fall on deaf ears.

The problem is never the person is or is not attractive. If he's been plowing you, then there is a good chance he finds you attractive. My wife isn't near the Media Version of attractive but she's beautiful to me. Your opinion of how beautiful you are means approximately nothing to most people.

What is going on here is all him though. He's got a certain way of masturbating and it is very different then the way you feel. It isn't that you're too loose, or dry, or what not, but it is a different feeling. Chances are he was using a deathgrip on his penis when he was masturbating. He's trained himself to get off to a certain feeling and since you don't really provide that feeling, he couldn't ejaculate. He needs to retrain his penis.

It might be worth your while to read some of the other posts on here about Porn. There are many of them.

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Originally Posted by angeltri

first of all i hate porn. I had a familiar problem . My bf was obsessed with porn . He would watch it all the time. One day we were having sex and he couldnt come asked me if he can use the computer and that he would be right back. I told him no and asked him if he was serious, he didnt say anything and fell asleep. I told him there was something mentally wrong with him. How is it possible that you rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex with a real girl. Not for nothing but i would consider myself a pretty girl. You need to talk to him about that , its not normal

Like most normal people I like it too...

Great way to kill any desire he might have towards you... I expect this one to move on soon to someone who is a lot more respectful of him.

Tell you what. Want to know EXACTLY what will make a man preffer to take care of himself rather than do it with a female.

That's it right there. Nothing is a bigger turnoff to most men than a woman copping an attitude like that.

If a woman I was dating ever said that to me... if it was my house she would be out on the street in the time it takes her to dress and gather her stuff. If I was at her place... I'd be dressing as I was walking out the door. And I'd never see her again or answer her calls.

I've never treated a woman like that... and I'd never tollerate being treated by a woman like that.

I wouldn't say that this was a good response - "I told him there was something mentally wrong with him" - and I do think angeltri has some issues with porn that taint her perspective - "first of all i hate porn" - but I do think there is something wrong when porn has become more arousing than the actual act of sex with a real person. And that seems to have happened to angeltri. Maybe she didn't respond well, but wouldn't you say there is something wrong with the situation overall and it might not all be her?

Also, having a partner sexually prefer another person or thing as opposed to you would not make you necessarily form a positive opinion of it. This could also be happening here. It's a 'which came first - the chicken or the egg?' scenario.

At any rate, if a person prefers porn over their partner, then it's time for the relationship to end as unhappiness will surely proceed from a lack of physical intimacy.

I wonder just how many women diddle themselves rather than seek out their partner at least from time to time?

I bet most of them. Men aren't alone in doing that. In fact women do it far more often. And that's when they AREN'T upset with their partner. It has everything to do with taking care of a need quickly without having to deal with all the issues that go with having sex with a partner.

I see plenty of reasons he's ticked off enough to not want sex with her... and he's showing it in non-verbal ways... he's upset, just not upset enough to walk out the door or send her out the door, YET.