Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend was horny but we didn't have sex

My boyfriend was horny but we didn't have sex

We have a long distance relationship and every time we see each other we have sex. This time was different I got him horny and was initiating sex but he didn't follow and I end up getting upset because he rejected me when he was turned on... now my mind is going crazy thinking he may be cheating. We get along great and we never have arguments but this time he upset me because he didn't have with me and I he doesn't know why I'm upset

It's a LDR... how often do you see each other?

Maybe he did find someone else... someone closer to him. Maybe you should consider doing that also... LDRs rarely work.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

It's a LDR...how often do you see each other?

Maybe he did find someone else...someone closer to him. Maybe you should consider doing that also...LDRs rarely work.

We are only 1hr away we see each other every weekend or every other weekend. But we talk on the phone all the time we FaceTime as well. Thank you for your comment :)

Then maybe you two need to sit down and calmly talk about this. It could be that something was going on with him that day... but you won't know if you don't talk.

It really could have been 18,903.7 reasons. Maybe he had a tummy ache. Or maybe he had to get up really early in the morning. Maybe he just wasn't totally into it at the time. Maybe he was thinking about his dead dog named Alfredo. Maybe it was the anniversary of something bad that happened.

The point is communicate. Two people have to be willing participants to make it work out nicely so talk to him. But in a nice way.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Maybe he was thinking about his dead dog named Alfredo.

Poor Alfredo... he didn't deserve to go at such a young age.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

It really could have been 18,903.7 reasons. Maybe he had a tummy ache. Or maybe he had to get up really early in the morning. Maybe he just wasn't totally into it at the time. Maybe he was thinking about his dead dog named Alfredo. Maybe it was the anniversary of something bad that happened

The point is communicate. Two people have to be willing participants to make it work out nicely so talk to him. But in a nice way.

Thank you I appreciate the humor and the comment

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We get along great and we never have arguments but this time he upset me because he didn't have with me and I he doesn't know why I'm upset

The above is the part of your post that stuck out for me.

Maybe you two never argue, because you don't talk about things that are bothering you.

Arguing can be healthy, it means you're communicating, it means you're in a relationship. If you don't tell him why you're upset, how is that helping your relationship?

I've been with my husband for 23 years, we talk, we argue at times, we tell each other why we're mad about something. That's why we've been together for so long.

Talk to him. If you can't talk to him, then I have to wonder why you're even in a relationship.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Arguing can be healthy, it means you're communicating, it means you're in a relationship. If you don't tell him why you're upset, how is that helping your relationship?

Wow really? Adam and I never argue. I am really not good at arguing.

I agree, I would be scared to death of a relationship where they say they never argue, those normally have the worst problems, since no one is talking about them. And arguing can be one person mad and the other pouting, you do not have to fight.

But only he knows why, and a man cheating, can leave his new girlfriend and still have sex with you also. So cheating for a man is not usually the reason

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Kls (3 Posts) Asked Yesterday, 02:38 PM — 9 Answers / 117 Views
We have a long distance relationship and every time we see each other we have sex. This time was different I got him horny and was initiating sex but he didnt follow and I end up getting upset because he rejected me when he was turned on... now my mind is going crazy thinking he may be cheating. We get along great and we never have arguments but this time he upset me because he didnt have with me and I he doesn't know why I'm upset

You may have caused him to become erect, but you probably didn't get him aroused. They are two different things. Usually they go together but not always.

Men can get erections that have very little to do with wanting sex. Physical stimulation is a prime example. The penis may respond to being played with, but the rest of the body and mind may not be interested or may be distracted. Just because he is erect and trying to give you what you want does not mean he is aroused and wanting the same thing.

I think you need to look at how you view sex and love. One night without sex should not have you accusing him (even in your own mind) of being unfaithful. If it creates doubts in your mind, then you may be falling into the trap of believing that sex equals love and without sex there is no love. That isn't true.

In any relationship that lasts for more than a few months there are going to be times when sex has to wait. It can be due to stress, medical issues, exhaustion. Fluctuating hormones, etc. However, that does not mean there isn't love, affection and non-sexual intimacy. Sometimes, it feels good to just hold each other and talk.

A big red flag is that you got upset and instead of talking to him you allowed your imagination to run wild creating even more doubts and upset. Negative emotions held in tend to ferment producing ever increasing pressure until you explode and say things you didn't mean to say.

As everyone, so far, has said, talk with him. But first examine why you reacted the way you did. What insecurities are you holding onto that you need to work through?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I agree, I would be scared to death of a relationship where they say they never argue, those normally have the worst problems, since no one is talking about them. And arguing can be one person mad and the other pouting, you do not have to fight
But only he knows why, and a man cheating, can leave his new girlfriend and still have sex with you also. So cheating for a man is not usually the reason

Yes we never argue because we talk and have communication, this time I didn't know how to tell him since he didn't wanted to have sex. I was afraid he may have problems on that department and didn't want to make him feel bad.I talked to him last night about how I was feeling and it was all a misunderstanding on my part. He's a wonderful man and I know he loves me and we haven't rush into a relationship.

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Originally Posted by Kls

Yes we never argue because we talk and have communication, this time i didnt know how to tell him since he didnt wanted to have sex. i was afraid he may have problems on that department and didnt want to make him feel bad.I talked to him last night about how I was feeling and it was all a misunderstanding on my part. He's a wonderful man and I know he loves me and we haven't rush into a relationship.

This is a valuable lesson. The next time something happens that upsets you, don't stew about it, talk to him about it. If you had talked to him right away you could have saved yourself a lot of worry.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

You may have caused him to become erect, but you probably didn't get him aroused. They are two different things. Usually they go together but not always.

Men can get erections that have very little to do with wanting
sex. Physical stimulation is a prime example. The penis may respond to being played with, but the rest of the body and mind may not be interested or may be distracted. Just

because he is erect and trying to give you what you want does not mean he is aroused and wanting the same thing.

I think you need to look at how you view sex and love. One night without sex should not have you accusing him (even in your own mind) of being unfaithful. If it creates doubts in your mind, then you may be falling into the trap of believing that sex equals love and without sex there is no love. That isn't true.

In any relationship that lasts for more than a few months there are going to be times when sex has to wait. It can be due to stress, medical issues, exhaustion. fluctuating hormones, etc. However, that does not mean there isn't love, affection and non-sexual intimacy. Sometimes, it feels good to just hold each other and talk.

A big red flag is that you got upset and instead of talking to him you allowed your imagination to run wild creating even more doubts and upset. Negative emotions held in tend to ferment producing ever increasing pressure until you explode and say things you didn't mean to say.

As everyone, so far, has said, talk with him. But first examine why you reacted the way you did. What insecurities are you holding onto that you need to work through?

Thank you so much by far you're the best answer!! I did talked to him... I just got upset because it had never happened before but now I know and I understand...