My boyfriend works nights his shift changed to start at 2am.. he goes to bed before me no shower and wears women's satin bikini underwear.. he masturbates.. I went to bd early about 9:30 and he was already in bed an hour before me I heard the covers shuffle when he heard me coming... I tried having sex with him before he starts work told me NEVER to do that again. I have never had this problem with a man EVER.. I am 46 120 pounds.. I don't get it.. I get looks from other men.. not my own.. we just got engaged I'm thinking BIG MISTAKE ! Sex is only on weekends and I'm thinking it is because he feels obligated. He constantly accuses me of fooling around onhim and thiks I join dating sites and such he has the pass words to all my email address.. geesh I don't have access to his ! Something wrong here. I told him I feel like I am only here because of my pay check! He didn't like that!


Hope to hear from you soon , Nancy


>email address removed<

There is so much going on here and it's somewhat difficult to understand, but...

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and wears women's satin bikini underwear

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Was this something you knew about and are you okay with it? Has he been doing this for long or is it new?

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I tried having sex with him before he starts work told me NEVER to do that again.

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My guess is he feels you intruded on him, startled him and interrupted time that he thought was private. If you didn't know what he was doing, maybe explain that you didn't mean to intrude but that you were just hoping to be with him.

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My boyfriend works nights his shift changed to start at 2am

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I think this could be a major part of your current sexual problems. Maybe he is just tired, has not yet adjusted to the change in schedule. Working nights can run you ragged and really screw up your internal clock... and other internal workings.

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Sex is only on weekends

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Again, this could be because he's just too tired during the work week.

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I have never had this problem with a man EVER.. I am 46 120 pounds.. I don't get it.. I get looks from other men.. not my own

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And just because there's a problem in the bedroom, it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. The problem could be entirely with him. If he's exhausted, you could be the sexiest woman in the world and he still might be unable to muster the enthusiasm. Aren't there times when mentally you want to have sex with him but physically you just don't feel like you can?

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He constantly accuses me of fooling around onhim and thiks I join dating sites and such he has the pass words to all my email address.. geesh I don't have access to his ! Something wrong here.

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Agreed that something is wrong here. He obviously doesn't trust you. Is there any good reason for those feelings? Do you trust him? No relationship can stand for long without trust - unless I guess you have a system like the one you two are using. No trust or faith required just constant suspicion rewarded with evidence.

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I told him I feel like I am only here because of my pay check! He didn't like that!

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Of course he wouldn't like that. By saying it you basically accuse him of not contributing to your shared life. You have belittled him - no one likes being made to feel like that, particularly by someone that is supposed to love them. You should refrain from such comments. They will only make hard feelings worse.

I do understand the work thing. Yes he told me about his fetish before we got together I stayed. He has a HUGE trust issue lways has blames last relations for this. NO he has no reason to mistrust me . Ithe money thing was because he has to car loans with in 4months of each other I'm givinv up mylays to him every week an he makes 2000 more than me exlects me to lay half of evrything. I can't contribute any more than I am plus trying to run a home childcare business. Its tough. Yes I did probably Iinterupt him lastnjght.I hate living under suspision he says he doesn't know how to stoo the feelings and won't go for counsel ing. I tried.

I should also mention he has erectile disfhnction. I have noticed that his sexual drive has increased.. just not with me .

Then what are you left with? It sounds like a mess.

Why stay?

I don't know why I stay. I guess I feel that someday he will see me for who I am.I mea he did ask me to marry him. Although we can't move forward until he gets a divorce. I thought he did trust me because he did ask me and I told him there can't be any more trust issues he said there weren't.. sigh but there are. Nothing has changed. As long as I keeping forking over my pay checks everything is great and he is happy . He bought me a van for my birthday /anniversary gift in Nove. I have just been able to drive it now. He had a car but it was od and he was always taking the van I told him to sell the car and he did np.. I didn't expect him to get another loan for a vehicle sosoon.

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Originally Posted by Lady2013

I don't know why I stay. I guess I feel that someday he will see me for who I am.I mea he did ask me to marry him. Although we can't move forward til he gets a divorce. I thought he did trust me because he did ask me and I told him there can't be any more trust issues he said there weren't ..sigh but there are. Nothing has changed. As long as I keeping forking over my pay checks everything is great and he is happy . He bought me a van for my birthday /anniversary gift in Nove. I have just been able to drive it now. He had a car but it was od and he was always taking the van I told him to sell the car and he did np.. I didnt expect him to get another loan for a vehicle so soon.

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Its causing financial stress on me. We got into a fight at xmas he wanted me to not pay the utility bils so he could buy my xmas gift. Im a firm believer in paying bills on time and in full. To get them out of the way gifts can wait. He was angry with me. He doesn't get the concept of saving for what you want.

You allow him to act this way and he will not change.

It's your choice to make because he has already made his.

I know I am not perfect. I was married 20 years 2 childre I left becauae my husband was cheating on md. I have been divorced 7 years now 3 relations since I thought this time was better. I don't deserve the accustions I am loyal I work hard at relationships and life but this one Iis by far the hardest.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You allow him to act this way and he will not change.

It's your choice to make because he has already made his.

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Yes I agree I have allowed it and wasn't happy doing so.. I guess he has.