Ask Me Help Desk - Years old relationship.

Years old relationship.

I met a guy online at early teens. I wanted to be taken as a grown up in chat groups so I used to tell that I am 19 years old. I started talking to a guy who was 23 years old and he started taking interest in me. After a couple of chats he said that he thinks he loves me, I didn't believe a bit what he said and stopped talking to him by taking him as liar. But what he said remained in my head and I felt attracted to him. After few months we started talking again but it remained a friendly chat with no mention of him being interested in me. With time, we started talking less and less and became more interested in our own lives.

A few years later he contacted me to tell that he got engaged and will get married soon. He seemed quite happy and told me enjoys talking to his fiance' a lot. He invited me on his wedding and also asked his fiancé to invite me. I refused his fiance’s invitation by telling her that I won’t be in the city on those dates. I didn't attend the wedding nor congratulated him on getting married but still he sent his wedding photos to me. I didn't love him but I got horribly depressed on him getting married as he was the first guy and the only guy in all these years I had felt physically attracted to and also felt compassion for. I had not seen him before. The first time I saw him was in his wedding photos. After his wedding he would still forward me jokes and emails, some of them were quite dirty so I stopped talking to him at all, taking him as dirty bad person. I also told him to not to send me such jokes anymore.

It was almost a year after his wedding, he texted that he had baby boy and I congratulated him. As we started talking again he started demanding more time and suggested we should hang out. I told him that he is married I will not hang out with him. He should not do so. It will hurt his family. But from his discussion I guessed that he was sure, no matter what, his wife won’t leave him for the sake of the family.

By now almost ten years had passed and he knew I was planning to get married, so he proposed me. I started wondering what’s going on. Why a guy whom I have never met in real life is proposing me. He said our religion allows getting married twice so he can have two wives. Again feeling guilt and shame that I may break a women’s marriage I stopped talking to him. A year or two passed by without talking at all and recently we started again. I don’t know how but we got really close and talk openly. Say all the love words to each other. He is very loving and gentle towards me. He is good with his wife. Takes her for shopping and baby sit the kid. He loves his child. He says his relationship with his wife is okay, but he spent his birthday and valentine talking to me all night. He doesn't talk about the marriage now and says if I marry some other guy he will understand.

Every other day I plan to leave him, but he calls and I forget it all. I don’t date boys or talk to any other men as all my attention is diverted towards him. I don’t know what’s happening. What is this? I need someone to explain this to me. Is it all a play for him, am I too stupid

He believes in polygamy and you are acting as a fool all these years. Please leave this guy before its too late. Please stop chatting with him and delete him from contact list rather change your account. And try to get friends with real people and real world.

You simply got to carried away and emotionally invested in the chat/Facebook/text buddy and now its time to get some reality. I mean you where as active as he was no matter the intentions.

Any attachment, or things you have enjoyed and looked forward to is tough when its time to stop, or change.

If you continue with him and his games, you will never be able to move your life forward. Why would you want to just hang on to anything he may say or do? You deserve better than this. His wife and child deserve better than this.

You also need to think about what if you had a relationship with him. Are you going to accept girl #3, #4, #5, etc, etc, etc?

In other words if you had to take the time to write all about this issue, you probably knew what the best answer is for you. Move on. Forget him. And be happy.

Look at what he has - a loving wife and child, by his side. If he can marry you where he lives, he can marry another.
Look at what you have - nothing but a dream. You don't even know what he is like in person. He may be enchanted with you for a week, a year, just as he was with his wife, and then what? He moves on, again.
You aren't too old to go OUT into the WORLD and meet people in person, the way you should have years ago.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Look at what he has - a loving wife and child, by his side. If he can marry you where he lives, he can marry another.
Look at what you have - nothing but a dream. You don't even know what he is like in person. He may be enchanted with you for a week, a year, just as he was with his wife, and then what? He moves on, again.
You aren't too old to go OUT into the WORLD and meet people in person, the way you should have years ago.

You know I always agree with you, right? But I think she has nothing but a nightmare on her hands!

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

You know I always agree with you, right? But I think she has nothing but a nightmare on her hands!!

:)

I agree!

This guy has been playing a very sick game with you. When you were younger you may not have known better but now you do. This relationship is just sick. Stop talking to this guy and get a life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smkanand

he believes in polygamy and you are acting as a fool all these years. please leave this guy before its too late. please stop chatting with him and delete him from contact list rather change your account. and try to get friends with real people and real world.

That's not a good enough reason to leave your love.
And besides, we are going to live in the same city. He knows where I work and where I live, just like I have all of his addresses and numbers. So there's no deleting thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You simply got to carried away and emotionally invested in the chat/Facebook/text buddy and now its time to get some reality. I mean you where as active as he was no matter the intentions.

Any attachment, or things you have enjoyed and looked forward to is tough when its time to stop, or change.

I left him so many times and GOD knows I still wish to. But its just he is everywhere. If I change the number he has the email. I blocked him and he was on Facebook. And we started talking again, and I ended up sharing the new number and then official email and then deactivated the Facebook account and it's a cycle that kept going on for this many years...

And I don't know how to break up. I am so scared of him getting angry. He can cause a lot of damage in anger.

I am so scared of him getting angry. He can cause a lot of damage in anger.

Why have you not asked your husband for guidance and advice? He has a vested interest into the outcome of this emotional affair. If I were your husband I would kick you out of my heart and home if you didn't delete him and completely have no more contact of any kind.

I probably would kick you out any way for going behind my back and letting an ex come between us. But you probably know what he will do and say so you resort to being a secret liar and cheater to him.

Just can't do the right thing can you? That's sad, because I feel YOU know what the right thing is but you don't want to do it.

Quote:

I am so scared of him getting angry. He can cause a lot of damage in anger.

So can your husband... so can YOU!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Look at what he has - a loving wife and child, by his side. If he can marry you where he lives, he can marry another.
Look at what you have - nothing but a dream. You don't even know what he is like in person. He may be enchanted with you for a week, a year, just as he was with his wife, and then what? He moves on, again.
You aren't too old to go OUT into the WORLD and meet people in person, the way you should have years ago.

You are getting the wrong impression. Its not like I don't go out. I have traveled many countries. I have a large social circle, including friends that I made in university, at work, at international trips and at gym. I have a very large family with lots of cousins. Being social or not being social is not a problem here. There had been many guys who asked me out. I enjoy their company but somehow this guy comes along and I forget about whomever I have in my life at that time. I just neglect everyone including my mom whom I love so much. I never lied to her all my life, but somehow for this guy I lied a couple of time and that's when I freaked out and wrote down the story here on 'AskMe'. I got worried about turning into a person who is dishonest and hurt others.

Quote:

QUOTE by talaniman;
Why have you not asked your husband for guidance and advice? He has a vested interest into the outcome of this emotional affair. If I were your husband I would kick you out of my heart and home if you didn't delete him and completely have no more contact of any kind.

I probably would kick you out any way for going behind my back and letting an ex come between us. But you probably know what he will do and say so you resort to being a secret liar and cheater to him.

Just can't do the right thing can you? That's sad, because I feel YOU know what the right thing is but you don't want to do it.

Who said I am married? Wasn't I clear on loving him to the extent that I can't think of any other guy. I am not saying I am some good person. All I am saying is that I just can't think of any other guy. I know it's the addiction.

Sorry for that assumption I may have misunderstood your original post about be ready to be married.

Quote:

he knew I was planning to get married,

So again, I apologize deeply for calling you a secret liar, and cheater. Clearly he may be one though, and he is married. You should still be angry he disrespects you with this sick love and not be afraid to expose him, or oppose him. Or delete and block him.

I mean how healthy can the love be if you fear his anger? Now do the right thing for yourself, IF you WANT to.

I find the mention of God in OP's post in which she discusses her relationship with a married man to be somewhat inappropriate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I find the mention of God in OP's post in which she discusses her relationship with a married man to be somewhat inappropriate.

Agree!

Quote:

Originally Posted by manisha12345

Who said i am married? wasn't i clear on loving him to the extent that i can't think of any other guy. I am not saying i am some good person. all i am saying is that i just can't think of any other guy. i know its the addiction.

I agree you sound like a junkie, but the only way to halt an addiction is stop doing the drug. Delete and block, or suffer. Your choice.

Talk to your husband about this if you are really done, get the law involved if you really want him to stop stalking you as that is what he is doing. Close all of your accounts, he will know you mean business. This is really sick.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Talk to your husband about this if you are really done, get the law involved if you really want him to stop stalking you as that is what he is doing. Close all of your accounts, he will know you mean business. This is really sick.

She isn't married she has informed me.

This is a sick situation. This guy is just jerking you around and you're letting him.
You need some help. This is just dysfunctional.