My ex girlfriend and I dated for around a year and we broke up over 2 years ago. After a bitter year of not talking, we became friends again when she emailed me and apologized for her bitter attitude toward me.

The first time around, our friendship only lasted 6 months because she later told me that she was too uncomfortable around me and didn't know what she felt about loving somebody else, since I still had feelings for her at the time.

After a few months of not talking, she emailed me at the beginning of this school year and apologized again, this time saying that she genuinely wanted to be friends for real. I still cared about her deeply so I accepted. Since then, we had hung out several times, including going to the movies once.

In these last 2 months however, I started doing some stuff behind her back (I will not say what it is) because she started getting super busy and barely had time to talk to me anymore. What I did was in fact one of the big reasons that she broke up with me in the first place.

When she found out, she felt totally betrayed and said that if she had known that I was going to be the same after 2 years, she wouldn't have had anything to do with me in the first place.

I knew how badly I had screwed up this time, so I told her that there was nothing I could say to her to lessen her pain except sorry. She told me that she forgave me, but she also told me to stay away from her.

I fully accept and deserve the consequences of my actions. I just want advice on how I can possibly make amends, or if it is even possible at this point to make amends. I intend to leave her alone at least for the rest of this school year, but I don't want this to be the last thing that happens to us before we both head off to college. Before we split up, I want to see her at least one more time and enjoy my time with her.

I am 100% at fault here, and if I were her, I would never talk to me again. I feel totally helpless and guilty right now, so any advice would be appreciated :/

Being just friends, ex or not requires no apology or guilt. Your plans have changed so act accordingly. Sorry it didn't workout as you planned... AGAIN.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Being just friends, ex or not requires no apology or guilt. Your plans have changed so act accordingly. Sorry it didn't workout as you planned............................AGAIN.

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Are you saying that friends never need to apologize to each other - only couples need to apologize for wrongdoing?

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I fully accept and deserve the consequences of my actions. I just want advice on how I can possibly make amends, or if it is even possible at this point to make amends. I intend to leave her alone at least for the rest of this school year, but I don't want this to be the last thing that happens to us before we both head off to college. Before we split up, I want to see her at least one more time and enjoy my time with her.

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Every time she's given you a chance, you've messed up. You can't even be a friend, you mess it up because you still want her back. She doesn't want anything but friendship from you, she's made that clear. Were you a friend? No. You betrayed her, and you admit it, not once, but twice.

If she has half a brain she won't give you another chance. She's given you too many chances already.

In other words, what you want doesn't matter. She doesn't want to see you, she'd be a fool to think that giving you another chance will lead to a different outcome, and she doesn't owe you anything, least of all a friendship, or seeing you one last time.

Get over it. You made your bed, now accept that it's over for good. If you really care about her, let her move on, and stop thinking only about what you want.

Leave her be and you move on. There is really nothing more to say.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Every time she's given you a chance, you've messed up. You can't even be a friend, you mess it up because you still want her back. She doesn't want anything but friendship from you, she's made that clear. Were you a friend? No. You betrayed her, and you admit it, not once, but twice.

If she has half a brain she won't give you another chance. She's given you too many chances already.

In other words, what you want doesn't matter. She doesn't want to see you, she'd be a fool to think that giving you another chance will lead to a different outcome, and she doesn't owe you anything, least of all a friendship, or seeing you one last time.

Get over it. You made your bed, now accept that it's over for good. If you really care about her, let her move on, and stop thinking only about what you want.

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Thank you for your direct (and pretty fiery) reply.

I understand that this post is about what I have done wrong, not what she has done wrong, but I do feel the need to bring this up.

She has done her fair share of bad as well, twice in fact. The first time, she admitted to intentionally trying to hurt my feelings to get back at me for the breakup. She second time, she did not intentionally try to hurt me, but she later admitted that she did not care how I felt at the time.

Do these two things justify my actions? no. but they show that I gave her a second chance (twice) and it paid off. She has grown up and stopped doing what she used to do. If it worked for me, I think it would be reasonable to venture that it may work for her.

I guess the reason I say this is because I feel like your perception of me is a little off. I am not some predator who loves to hurt others; we were (and maybe still are) immature kids who were inconsiderate of each other.

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Originally Posted by huck13

thank you for your direct (and pretty fiery) reply.

i understand that this post is about what i have done wrong, not what she has done wrong, but i do feel the need to bring this up.

she has done her fair share of bad as well, twice in fact. the first time, she admitted to intentionally trying to hurt my feelings to get back at me for the breakup. she second time, she did not intentionally try to hurt me, but she later admitted that she did not care how i felt at the time.

do these two things justify my actions? no. but they show that I gave her a second chance (twice) and it paid off. she has grown up and stopped doing what she used to do. if it worked for me, i think it would be reasonable to venture that it may work for her.

i guess the reason i say this is because i feel like your perception of me is a little off. i am not some predator who loves to hurt others; we were (and maybe still are) immature kids who were inconsiderate of each other.

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I don't think that you're a predator, not at all. I also never said that you're the only one to blame for the way this has gone. I admit I didn't say she was to blame, because it doesn't really matter. She no longer wants you in her life. Who did what to whom, no longer matters.

What I'm trying to say, and apparently failing miserably, is that you both had your chance to make not only a relationship work, but a friendship as well, and it's failed multiple times. You two cannot be boyfriend and girlfriend, and you've both proven that you also can't be just friends.

It takes two to tango, that's the bottom line, and she doesn't want to dance with you anymore. She doesn't owe you another chance anymore than you owe her. When one person says "I don't want to be a part of your life anymore" you have no choice but to back off and accept it.

It doesn't sound like you understand that. You want another chance, you seem to think you deserve one. That's fine, maybe you do, maybe you're a great guy, I don't know, as I don't know you, or her for that matter. The only thing I do know is that she has drawn a line in the sand, and you have to accept that, there's nothing you can do to change it.

Let me put it a different way. You say you care about her. Is that true? If you do, then respect her enough, love her enough, to accept the choice she's made for her life, which doesn't include you. Care about her enough to walk away and leave her alone, because that's what she has decided she wants. If you can't do that, you don't love her, you're only thinking about what you want, nothing else. That's not love, that's not friendship. Sometimes proving your love, proving how much you care, means walking away. Can you do that?

The issue, she was thinking friend, and you still wanted more, as a friend, she is not suppose to expect more than that. Where you back to lovers or dating, or just friend when this happened

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

The issue, she was thinking friend, and you still wanted more, as a friend, she is not suppose to expect more than that. where you back to lovers or dating, or just friend when this happened

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We were just friends when this happened

You lost me when your argument turned into "I'm bad but she's worse. Let me tell you what she did to me ..."

Leave her alone. You screwed up. I agree with your initial statement - she should never speak to you again.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You lost me when your argument turned into "I'm bad but she's worse. Let me tell you what she did to me ..."

Leave her alone. You screwed up. I agree with your initial statement - she should never speak to you again.

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I don't know where you got the "im bad but she's worse" attitude from. I guess I need to work on my phrasing.

By no means am I even attempting to justify my actions. The purpose of that comment was because I felt like alty was criminalizing me into some person that I don't think I deserved to be viewed as. I was also bringing into the picture the reminder that generally it takes two people to screw up a friendship/relationship (minus cheating).

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I don't know where you got the "im bad but she's worse" attitude from. I guess I need to work on my phrasing.

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Here's why.

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she has done her fair share of bad as well, twice in fact. The first time, she admitted to intentionally trying to hurt my feelings to get back at me for the breakup. She second time, she did not intentionally try to hurt me, but she later admitted that she did not care how I felt at the time.

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Did you read what I wrote to you in my second post on this thread?

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Originally Posted by Alty

Here's why.



Did you read what I wrote to you in my second post on this thread?

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Yup I read it. No offense taken, now I know that you did not intend to criminalize me. :)

Look you messed up and you know which is good but you should always know when to walk away...

You gave her chances and she did the same and it still didn't work so know it's time to walk away. Give her the space she needs and I think you need it more because it's pretty clear that you still love her hence you still feel guilty for doing something even when you are no longer together.

The main thing here is she doesn't want you near her ever again so stay away and you will realise later that it's for the best and if you continue following her around like a love sick puppy you will end up hurting yourself so much that you will resent her forever for YOUR mistake which I don't think you want.

Love her and leave her, sometimes it's better loving someone from a distance

This is hurting my brain.
First, we don't know what you did, and you may think it doesn't matter but I don't agree.
Then you start saying you are 100% at fault, but later you say she did her share of bad.
Third, you are in high school, where relationships almost always turn on a dime.

When you do someone harm and want to apologize despite being told to get lost, you have ONE option to my mind (aside from getting lost) and that is to write a LETTER. On paper. Send through the mail, with a stamp on it.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

This is hurting my brain.
First, we don't know what you did, and you may think it doesn't matter but I don't agree.
Then you start out saying you are 100% at fault, but later you say she did her share of bad.
Third, you are in high school, where relationships almost always turn on a dime.

When you do someone harm and want to apologize despite being told to get lost, you have ONE option to my mind (aside from getting lost) and that is to write a LETTER. On paper. Send through the mail, with a stamp on it.

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I meant that in this particular situation, I am completely at fault because I did everything wrong and she did nothing wrong.

As to the breakup itself and our rocky relationship? That is not all my fault, we both made mistakes

Again - I get a headache not knowing what you DID. Or what she DID.
It just isn't easy to advise that way (plus I thought a gave good advice with the letter).
Getting all hypothethical is not my cup of tea.
Maybe I'm just so far removed from high school drama. By the time you are in college a few months, it will all be a dream.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Again - I get a headache not knowing what you DID. Or what she DID.
It just isn't easy to advise that way (plus I thought a gave good advice with the letter).
Getting all hypothethical is not my cup of tea.
Maybe I'm just so far removed from high school drama. By the time you are in college a few months, it will all be a dream.

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What she did the first time is be intentionally rude to me and give me backhanded insults every time she talked to me in order to "get back at me".

The second time, she agreed to hang out and then 3 days later chatted me saying that she didn't feel comfortable around me after I had already planned everything out and bought movie tickets.

I still don't want to say what I did, but lets say that it was a little worse than what she did, but not as bad as... idk cheating? Or domestic abuse? Don't really know how to give a good description of it without saying what it was :/

You sound like a drama queen with hints and no disclosure. If you have no details, stop hinting at it.

He probably snooped through her stuff or maybe stalked her... that's what I'm getting out of all this.

Anyway, it sounds like it's over and should just be forgotten about now. If I was her and gave those chances and things still didn't work out, an apology wouldn't work for me either.