Ask Me Help Desk - What to do about neighbor's theft and promise?

Neighbor's young boy (under 10) stole and destroyed a decorative welcome sign from our property. Boy, his older siblings, and eventually parents admitted theft and destruction. Father and I discussed issue and he promised to have kids make a replacement sign. He had offered to pay for the sign and I said I did not know cost as it had been a housewarming gift from a dear friend, whom I wasn't going to ask, "How much did you pay?" The sign was a unique handcrafted one from an art fair, I did know that. Not store-bought. I'd asked even to have the pieces returned to me and even that was never done. (perhaps he burned it? )

It has now been over 6 months and... no sign. No sign of sign. No sign parents have any intention of making any restitution. (6 weeks after the theft, boy was obviously sent--sacred--to tell me very quickly "I'm sorry and I'll never do that again!" when he saw me outside my yard one afternoon.)

And yet, I continue to be a 'good neighbor' by alerting this same family when their little dog got loose and was running out by road. I in fact last summer possibly saved the entire neighborhood from burning down by catching their 5 boys lighting a shirt on fire on the ground with a stick lighter. They had taken shirt off youngest and were lighting it and stomping it out in their yard among tall dry weeds and grass. They were just outside my gate and I spotted this activity and ran across to stop them and sent one boy to their home to alert Mom. Mom had given them lighter to light a candle on her porch and then hadn't further supervised them. She has new twins also at home. She came out as far as porch and I spoke to her and then let her handle it from there. I have countless times picked up snack wrapper trash these kids litter our shared rural lane with. I I have stopped my vehicle to move their bikes and riding toys left behind on our mutual shared lane. I have chased their dog back home from school bus stop when it followed the kids to the bus stop and was again running out by main road. I advocated to get a security mailbox in our neighborhood because other older kids were stealing various folks' packages and mail. (The father of this little thief in fact mentioned that act and thanked me for that.)

I have pardoned this delay by saying to myself young kids, lots of work, probably forgot. (OK, and I've also pardoned them as lazy ignoramuses). But, what do I do when I've already spoken to Dad twice about it? Once when it first happened. Next 3 months after. Now it is 6 months. What do I say this time? Just gimme some money? How much?

I really miss my sign and although it is gone, I'd appreciate a replacement made by the kids who took it, as a sort of symbol that they tried to right their wrong. At this point, I'm sure the kids haven't learned that lesson at all...

Do I forget the whole thing or what?

My hunch is- let bygones be bygones.
We can't always win 100% (understatement of the year).
We have some neighbors (about 20 yrs younger than us) who are great neighbors but they often make promises they don't keep. A person's word is not as sacred nowadays as it was in my day, but they're still good neighbors and would (and have) do just about anything for us.
You learned something about them and you are not likely to change them. Just consider that pardon you gave them as permanent and look forward. Who knows, maybe they'll come through one of these days. It could be a lot worse.

I would have quoted him a price from the beginning and then let it go. Doesn't matter what the price was, its an agreement to a settlement. After 6 months though, I chalk it up and know better next time, if you have got no an idea of replacement costs. $50 bucks should cover it.

I would let it go. Unless you gave them a price to compensate you (which you stated you didn't) and a timeline for the new sign (which you didn't) then you're pretty much out of luck unless they decide to pay you what they think the sign is worth, or get their kids to work on a new one (sounds like they have their hands full and don't have time to sit around monitoring their children making a sign).

You never really stated what you wanted from them, now you're upset because you didn't get what you didn't ask for. Either go to them and say "I want $20 to replace the sign your child stole", or "I want a new sign within a month", or let it go.

When dealing with things like this you have to be direct and make your exact expectations known. You were pretty wishy washy about the whole thing (no offense) and they're taking advantage of that.

I could make you a nice sign if you wish, You'd simply have to pay for the materials and the shipping costs. But I don't think it's the sign that you miss as much as the lesson you were hoping to teach these kids. Sorry to say, you can't make other people be good parents.

I would have a sign made that says "F You" and face it towards them...

Ok, not really but the thought is there.

At this point, you might as well forget it. You might also want to forget about helping them out with things as well. Just let it go, move on, and learn from this. Maybe buy your own sign and put it back up so they can see it and it can remind them what idiots they are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

I would have a sign made that says "F You" and face it towards them....

Ok, not really but the thought is there.

At this point, you might as well forget it. You might also want to forget about helping them out with things as well. Just let it go, move on, and learn from this. Maybe buy your own sign and put it back up so they can see it and it can remind them what idiots they are.

I agree and disagree.

Don't help out, unless it's the dog. If the dog gets loose, don't look away. The dog didn't do anything, and it's not his fault his owners are jerks. Save the dog if you need to.

Now, if the kids run into the street, well, they take their chances. If mom and dad don't care enough to watch their children, it's survival of the fittest. But not the dog. Save the dog. Oh, and move the bikes, don't run over them, otherwise they can come after you for money.

Okay, I may have just revealed a bit too much about myself in this post. ;)

In my defense, I didn't mean the dog or the bikes. I simply meant if they needed something or if the OP saw something he could do for them... just forget it and look the other way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

In my defense, I didn't mean the dog or the bikes. I simply meant if they needed something or if the OP saw something he could do for them....just forget it and look the other way.

I know you didn't mean the dog, I just wanted to make sure that the OP knew you didn't mean the dog. :)

The bikes, I'd be tempted. Sadly, they could sue for damage to the bikes, and it's not worth the two seconds of joy you'd feel hearing them crunch under your car tires.

I would say that it isn't likely, given the unsupervised free for all these kids have, that you have any reasonable expectation of a sign to replace the one they destroyed.

I realize it isn't the sign so much as the principle involved. No doubt other parents and teachers have seen behaviour resulting from a lack of discipline.

It is a pretty simple concept to teach kids right from wrong. These lessons learned early, help to shape a responsible adult down the road. But if the parents lack the ability to teach these lessons and follow through, there is little you can personally do.

I would be more concerned with these kids lighting a fire in dry grass. Maybe keep notes if this type of behaviour is new, as you may see more of the same.

As to the more minor things, I think you'll just have to accept that no matter where you go, some neighbours (both kids and adults) will do things that will turn your hair grey. Ignore what you can, and set reasonable expectations- as you have done by talking to the parents.

After that, try to just let it go.

I'll make the offer to make a new sign again. I am a woodworker. If you don't mind the sign being made of wood, and would like a certain design, post it here, I'll make it. I'll even pay for the wood, you just have to cover the shipping because I'm not rich, and can't afford to make it for free and pay for shipping too.

If you want a sign that says "Screw you neighbors, I got a new sign from a stranger that doesn't even know me, that cared more about my plight (a plight your child caused) than you did", I'll do it. Okay, that would actually be a very big sign, or very small lettering, so we may have to shorten that to "Screw you neighbors". ;)

The issue is, that the neighbor did all they were suppose to do, he offered to pay you for it,

You failed there, you were to give him a price, go to some shop and ask for how much to make a new one, or find one that would be OK in a store and ask for that price.

So if after 6 months you have failed to provide a dollar figure to have it fixed, then you should not expect anything else.

No most likely they did not have the broken parts of the sign,

next time, tell them a dollar value and go on with life.

I apologize, first off, that so many responses came in whilst I was busy doing other things.

Yep, I have put this onto the idiots we encounter in life shelf. Just had a weekend thought to put it to a discussion here in case I was the one being an idiot in how I handled it. Seems here is a mixed bag of commentaries.

And, yep, I will still save the dog. And put out fires. And probably everything else, because none of this lessens who I am or want to show MY kids.

Point about me not giving a price is well taken. Albeit I will say Dad made the offer to make the sign first (not the other way around) wife, in fact had already stated by phone she would get hubby to make sign. Then he and I talked in person and we discussed the kids at least helping him. Ahhhh. Me. And, yep, I have 'mentally' posted a sign that says "Friends Welcome, Thieves go away" But, nope, Alty, don't carve that one.

I do like the idea of a sign. Original one was of wood. (there's that nasty temptation to burn it, though!) enjoyed reading Alty's offer. But methinks it'll become a summer project now for my kids or maybe Mother's Day. My kids are handy l'il buggers... Not at all sure which would 'mean' more to me now. My kids' doings or some 'stranger' who shows how thoughtful the world can really be... I'll think about it...

Thanks to all.

Sounds like you have an active time keeping that family in check. Agree on the point that you should have gotten your money quickly and upfront. Maybe you should buy a new one and each time they see it they can be reminded how they broke the first one and then were not the greatest of parents by not making the kid follow through. Oh well, time to move on.

(Stop reading now as I am sure someone's shirt is on fire! )

:)

Oh, I forgot this part: I did in fact put up another Welcome sign this winter (when we had house guests coming over, to include lady who'd gifted original sign) I carved it myself out of snow crust and painted it with food coloring.

Nope, didn't 'remind' the neighbors at all...

Carrying on...

Quote:

I do like the idea of a sign. Original one was of wood. (there's that nasty temptation to burn it, though!) enjoyed reading Alty's offer. But methinks it'll become a summer project now for my kids or maybe Mother's Day. My kids are handy l'il buggers... Not at all sure which would 'mean' more to me now. My kids' doings or some 'stranger' who shows how thoughtful the world can really be... I'll think about it.

..

My offer is open if you decide to go that route. I just quit my job, so I have some time on my hands and a garage full of tools just begging me to start using them again. But, I have to say, I think you and your kids making the sign together would end up being more meaningful than anything the neighbors, or I, could do. The time you put into it with your kids, the memories, will make that sign priceless.

Just one last post, and I'm sure you already know this, but I'm going to remind you anyway. In this world there are people that make a difference, people that help those around them, and then there are people that drain the life out of everything they touch. It's sad to say, but the people that are a drain on society are usually happier people, as they don't care about others, only themselves.

I'm like you, I care, I help, and I usually get hurt because of it. But everything worthwhile hurts. Don't let this one act change who you are. You can't make the world a better place, you can just make sure that your little corner of it is the best you can make it.

Keep teaching your children that doing the right thing is the only way to be, and that helping others, although not always rewarding in the moment, will reap the rewards later on.

Last but not least, karma does work, so give it time. :)