I know my boyfriend over 9 month. I’m 21 and he is 34, at first he showed a very nice and generous behavior, I was so surprised because for every little problem that I talked about he suggested a solution, specially financial problems (because in this period I have a lot of financial problems :D). Anyway, I refused in the beginning but he repeated and I thought why not? He is rich, he has a good job, and he has no family and he is offering me while I didn't even ask. He made me so hopeful on a money close to 20k euro in less than 3 months, and we talked about it a lot, and I told him that I will give it back to him when I’ll be in a better situation and he said it’s not a problem even if you don’t take it back!

I was so happy and I planned a lot of things because this money could really change my life. Now it’s more than 5 month, he gave me 4.5 thousand euro and we had a lot of fights over this problem. I didn’t tell him that you should give it to me I just told him I have the right to know if you don’t want to give it to me, but he said a lot of stupid lies about it (that I’m 100% sure that is a lie with a lot of evidence)

I think he is using this issue to make me marry him, he really wants to marry me, I had a big big fight tonight with him but he is still calling, and for your understanding he never pays for my shopping now (he did in the beginning). He prefers to stay at home and never go out to eat. Once I was taking a shower at his home he made the water cold because my shower was long, he doesn’t turn on the heater to decrease the bills. I caught a cold at his home, he doesn't like to open anything even a bottle of water.

But I still have feelings for him

Guys please help me :(

Correct me if I am wrong, but he has given you 4,500euros ($5824.80), and he will give you16.5 ($21,357. 61) later and you are b'tching?

I would say quit b'tching and learn to manage your money. Or as they say in my country, don't count your chickens before they hatch, and trust but verify. Making plans on money that's only promised isn't wise either. I would never take that kind of money from anyone not even my mama.

Well marry him then and I am sure you will make his life quite miserable, then you will leave him and be miserable because you have no money!

Could you not be generous and make you and he happy. You may have plenty of hot water.

You say that he is rich, well there are many things and ways of living everyday life that he has got accustomed to because he if frugal. You may think he is being cheap but maybe he is being smart and found ways of making sure that he continues to have money. He offered you money, and I am not sure how this is causing fights but if one person in a relationship is always dealing with money and the other is taking. Or if the man is working and wife is not working and vica versa can always be a contentious issue in relationships. He does not seem to be forcing you to marry him, and by the way you have your question posted it sounds that maybe there is a culture difference at play here too. Just remember that marrying somebody just for money does not fair well. As far as him lying? What is he lying about and what makes you think he is lying about things? If he is a liar, and you feel you can not move past this, then why not just leave the relationship. Money and security is not everything. Where is the love in this relationship?

I don't buy it.

I don't buy that you have feelings for him, and I don't buy that you are the one being hard done to here.

You accepted the money after complaining about your financial problems, and had no qualms in accepting even more.

Draw up a contract to pay him back, and leave him alone. He is not going to be your financial supplier, and you are realizing that his bank account has limits.

It is morally bankrupt to use another human being in the way that you have. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn't ask for his help, he offered to help,and I'm going to give the money back to him is a kind of loan,
Why someone should offer a thing that doesn't want to do?isn't is a big lie to keep a person beside you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Correct me if I am wrong, but he has given you 4,500euros ($5824.80), and he will give you16.5 ($21,357. 61) later and you are b'tching?

I would say quit b'tching and learn to manage your money. Or as they say in my country, don't count your chickens before they hatch, and trust but verify. Making plans on money that's only promised isn't wise either. I would never take that kind of money from anyone not even my mama.

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He told me more than 100 times that he will give me 20k euro,and now he just gave me 4500 euro.why someone should lie when he doesn't want to do sth?I didn't say that its his duty to help me,but when you say sth you should act on it,words are important you can't say bull to pretend being someone that you are not

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Originally Posted by tickle

Well marry him then and I am sure you will make his life quite miserable, then you will leave him and be miserable because you have no money!

Could you not be generous and make you and he happy. You may have plenty of hot water.

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I don't have a lot of money but at least I can take a shower at my parents home without anyone who makes the shower cold

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I dont' buy it.

I don't buy that you have feelings for him, and I don't buy that you are the one being hard done to here.

You accepted the money after complaining about your financial problems, and had no qualms in accepting even more.

Draw up a contract to pay him back, and leave him alone. He is not going to be your financial supplier, and you are realizing that his bank account has limits.

It is morally bankrupt to use another human being in the way that you have. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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I didn't ask his help he offered a lotttttttttttt of times,and I love him its 2 days that I broke up with him I'm like a sick spirit at home and crying,why you judge?he promissed a certain amount and after gave me not even half

I think he is tired of giving you money, plain and simple. I doubt that you have followed through on all your promises either, about undying love and devotion, when it's obviously just greed. More time spent on spending his money than showing that you love him. A few men can't tell when a woman is just pretending, but most can, and I'll bet he did.

Why does a man give a woman money? Because he has more than she has? No, because he wants sex, marriage, and love. His PROMISE was contingent on unspoken PROMISES in return, and you failed the test.
If you don't know that, then you were born on another planet.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I think he is tired of giving you money, plain and simple. I doubt that you have followed through on all your promises either, about undying love and devotion, when it's obviously just greed. More time spent on spending his money than showing that you love him. A few men can't tell when a woman is just pretending, but most can, and I'll bet he did.

Why does a man give a woman money? Because he has more than she has? No, because he wants sex, marriage, and love. His PROMISE was contingent on unspoken PROMISES in return, and you failed the test.
If you don't know that, then you were born on another planet.

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I still love him,I never spent his money on anything and I wanted to marry him too,but I can't stand a person who lies to attract people

You wanted to marry him IF he finished paying you 20,000.
Do you know the concept of the Mexican standoff?


PS: I don't think any of us see him as a liar. He's just starting to see you in a new light.

Maybe he is watching you to see what you do about YOUR finances. I mean what does it say that you live with your parents and spend not only all your money, but have such heavy debts too. So while you scrutinize him and his ways, and b1tch, maybe he is watching you and your ways.

Just think, if a person doesn't do well with a smaller amount, and were ready to get their greedy irresponsible hands on more, they are not a good investment and are really a high risk to never see a dime of their money.

So while you think this is about marriage, this is also about seeing what he could be "buying". Just in the posts here you are a bad risk for money, and no telling how many decades it will be until you are in a better situation financially. So be grateful for what you have so far and get off that "give me more because you promised" deal. He is a fool to have offered such a stupid deal to a irresponsible girlfriend in the first place.

Its like giving liquor to a drunk and expecting them not to drink it until they are drunk. You have a bad money management problem, and no amount of money will cure it.

Greenie from me

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You wanted to marry him IF he finished paying you 20,000.
Do you know the concept of the Mexican standoff?


PS: I don't think any of us see him as a liar. He's just starting to see you in a new light.

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He is begging me to comeback for your understanding

So what are you going to do, ask for more money ? And then you will go back to him.

She wants her promised 16K! She has plans for that money!
Standoff...

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Originally Posted by sourtimes

he is begging me to comeback for ur understanding

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He thinks he can change your bad thinking, and bad habits. Make a good wife out of you after 9 months of knowing you. I mean he has given you money he never should have.

Tal,

Hit it on the nail. He should not have given you any money in the first place.

No one here is judging you, they are here to show you. The part that you played in this relationship even though you are still putting all the blame on him, for not giving you the money he apparently promised.

I still say there is a language, culture issue here too. He is begging you to come back, why? This is not a good relationship either way you put it.

The title of your question is is he stingy or a liar or both.
I think the people here all agree that he is neither.
The fact that you want him to PAY you before you go back is pathetic.
If a 'broken promise' was that important to you, you wouldn't go back. You just want the money. You could care less about exaggerated promises made when you first fell in love. New lovers make all sorts of promises - I'll swim across the ocean to see you, I'll give you the sun moon and stars, I'll make love to you for 2 hours every day - it is just part of romance.

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Originally Posted by JoeCanada76

Tal,

Hit it on the nail. He should not have given you any money in the first place.

No one here is judging you, they are here to show you. The part that you played in this relationship even though you are still putting all the blame on him, for not giving you the money he apparently promised.

I still say there is a language, culture issue here too. He is begging you to come back, why? This is not a good relationship either way you put it.

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He is italian and I'm romanian.when I met him I was in a terrible situation,and the financial problem is not because I have problems with managing money or something.is a serious problem from my family,they lost all,and I gave the 4.5k euro to my mother.I know that he is not responsible for the troubles that we have,but when he said that he will help me at first I think he was decieving me.even once I asked him just to tell me that he changed his idea and doesn't want to give it to me and after we will be okay,but he doesn't do it.he wants to keep the role of "RICH NICE GUY",and continues to lie about it.im not waiting for the money to go back.im waiting for an apology,and telling the truth

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Originally Posted by joypulv

She wants her promised 16K! She has plans for that money!
Standoff...

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Do you think I should tell him thanks for trying to reach me by not true promises,now I forget that you said a lot of words that you don't act on them,lets live together and when I'm taking shower make the water cold and don't even turn on your heaters during winter and let me catch a cold like last time I was at your home?

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Originally Posted by tickle

So what are you going to do, ask for more money ? And then you will go back to him.

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No,I don't know what to do,I can't stand when it comes to money he lies veryyyyyyyyyyy easy.but I miss him so much.I still love him:(

Has it occurred to you that maybe he doesn't believe your story about your family?
I am having a hard time believing it. It doesn't fit with your first mention of it at all, complete with smiley face.
But all that is not even worth getting into online, because we strangers all over the world will NEVER know the truth.
I just have a strong feeling that he doesn't believe you, nor does he like your 'plans' for the rest of it that you mentioned.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Has it occurred to you that maybe he doesn't believe your story about your family?
I am having a hard time believing it. It doesn't fit with your first mention of it at all, complete with smiley face.
But all that is not even worth getting into online, because we strangers all over the world will NEVER know the truth.
I just have a strong feeling that he doesn't believe you, nor does he like your 'plans' for the rest of it that you mentioned.

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I'm planning to buy a house with it for my family:(,and he knows it,I also told him that it can be in his ownership till I give the money back to him,because my family are in a terrible situation now,and all is my father's fault,but I have a little brother and younger sister,I can't leave them like this and marry a person in another country..