Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend won't have sex with me

Ok well I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, we're both 28 & the sex was great until about a month ago & before anyone suggests cheating, he's not & I've known him for a few years, he's never cheated. Basically he's just not interested & when we do have sex it's all about him & it didn't used to be that way! I feel completely ripped off, I have spoken to him about it, he just says he's tired & he's a construction worker so he does work hard. I think, well I know I'm attractive but I'm beginning to feel completely yuck. And communication between us lately is awful, he disrupts me constantly & completely ignores me if he's looking at his phone, watching TV, gaming, but he doesent make any spare time for us to talk or hang out. We do love each other & I'm willing to try anything to get us back on track.

Both of you have to work at communicating, not just you. He is not willing to work on the relationship at all - or he just doesn't want to talk about sex?

I am not suggesting that he's cheating, but I'm an investigator. I hear "I know he's not cheating all the time." Then I am hired -

Heroes how it is. My husband is doing the same thing and this is what he told me... he's noted with me. Plus husband talks to other girls on dating sites and face book. So don't put heating down the drain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Both of you have to work at communicating, not just you. He is not willing to work on the relationship at all - or he just doesn't want to talk about sex?

I am not suggesting that he's cheating, but I'm an investigator. I hear "I know he's not cheating all the time." Then I am hired -

I see what your saying with the cheating thing, but the thing is he comes straight home from work everyday & I have access to his Facebook account from time to time when he uses my phone & forgets to log out! He's always contactable at work too, I just don't think he has the time to cheat!

Yeah I agree the communication is a serious issue, he's reluctantly agreed to go to counselling, but only because I said it was because I needed him to help me! I see a counsellor because my last two long term relationships were dv & I have some issues from that. I feel I'm a good girlfriend though sometimes I get angry over small things & I get upset & I haven't learnt to be assertive yet & it comes out aggressive but there's absolutely no physical violence & he's not controlling like my last two boyfriends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MyDogLilly

I see what your saying with the cheating thing, but the thing is he comes straight home from work everyday & I have access to his facebook account from time to time when he uses my phone & forgets to log out! He's always contactable at work too, I just don't think he has the time to cheat!

Yeah I agree the communication is a serious issue, he's reluctantly agreed to go to counselling, but only because I said it was because I needed him to help me! I see a counsellor because my last two long term relationships were dv & I have some issues from that. I feel I'm a good girlfriend tho sometimes I get angry over small things & I get upset & I haven't learnt to be assertive yet & it comes out aggressive but there's absolutely no physical violence & he's not controlling like my last two boyfriends.

I should mention we do live together & we do go out to dinner about once a week & if I say let's go here or there he's happy to comply but he rarely initiates going out he's a bit of a homebody.

I also didn't mention I have a 13 month old son to another man that I left due to dv at 6 weeks pregnant, I went a year without being in a relationship before we got together. My ex has no contact with us, his choice. My boyfriend loves the baby & he's chosen to be a father figure to my son, we've been together since he was 6 months old so my son sees him as a father.

Quote:

Originally Posted by angel1293

heroes how it is. my husband is doing the same thing and this is what he told me....he's noted with me. plus husband talks to other girls on dating sites and face book. so don't put heating down the drain.

What does "he's noted with me" mean? And I've had a look at his fb myself & he doesent talk to girls, he's a bit of a fb troll, he stirs people upon there for fun & loves rugby & it's rugby season so he's on fb to talk to people about sport. I really don't think it's cheating, I don't know what it is but there's no other dodgy behavior to suggest that he's been unfaithful. We do have sex but it's like once every two weeks instead of once a day like I'd prefer.

Quote:

Ok well I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, we're both 28 & the sex was great until about a month ago

So, because the sex has dropped off for a very short amount of time, you're getting all worked up and looking for underlying problems? Maybe he's been more busy and more tired this month. If you've only been together for 10 months, maybe the "let's jump each other every chance we get" phase has worn off. There could be so many things that are causing this brief lull in sexual activity. Have some patience and wait a while longer - see if it doesn't get better. It really could be a completely normal and temporary issue.

Quote:

My boyfriend loves the baby & he's chosen to be a father figure to my son, we've been together since he was 6 months old so my son sees him as a father.

Furthermore, I don't think he would show such a sincere interest in your child if he didn't really care for both of you. Stop worrying about the recently reduced frequency of sex and start appreciating him for the good things he brings to your life. Wouldn't you hate to cause real problems in your relationship because of something that you imagined was a major issue?

"heroes how it is. my husband is doing the same thing and this is what he told me....he's noted with me. plus husband talks to other girls on dating sites and face book. so don't put heating down the drain."

What?