Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 10 months now. In January he told my best friend that he wanted her but he only had me, that I was in the way of him and her, he had pictures of her body that he had got off a friend and that he wanted to see her but he would try stuff on with her. She showed me all all of this and I confronted him about it. He cried and said it was a mistake and he loved me and never meant anything that he had said to her.

I left him but then he asked me back and I said yes after a few days. We both agreed we'd just tell everyone that we had a 'break' but he told people that it was my fault. He likes all of her pictures on Facebook all of the time and everything she puts on there. I took him back because I love him but I'm not sure if I can trust him or not.

He is attracted to her, but he says that he loves you? He is a mess.

You don't trust him obviously, and I can't blame you, He hides the fact that he likes her, he puts the blame of the break up on your shoulders for whatever reason, and he denies that he likes the other girl; I find that hard you believe based on his actions. Tell me how can this work if he is acting like a child? I think that you should leave him; he really does not know what he wants.
The choice is yours.

Why are you with him still? You know he's lying to you, right?

No, he is not trustworthy. This should no longer be a question for you as he has already lied.

He cheated, or attempted to cheat, on you giving you just cause to break up. Then after the break, he tells everyone you're the reason you two split. He knows what he's done is wrong and is ashamed of it (which is why he won't tell anyone).

Now, you've taken him back and he is doing exactly what he did before. He has not learned anything and does not feel bad about what he did - hitting on your friend, lying to you, hurting, embarrassing, and betraying you. The only thing he does seem concerned about is protecting his reputation.

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he told my best friend that he wanted her but he only had me, that I was in the way of him and her

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This may seem harsh, but he feels he is settling for you and he admits it. Why would you want someone who sees you as a consolation prize? You should leave him and find someone better, someone who is completely thrilled to be with you.

If you have any self respect, you will leave this guy. If he was committed to you he wouldn't be cheating on you and by the definition of cheating, to each his own. But hitting on your Best friend is a huge red flag and by you taking him back, he now knows what he is capable of getting away with and will continue to use this to his advantage. You should really start loving yourself more and don't settle for less because someone says they love you.
It is your choice, but don't sell yourself short and remember that actions speak louder than words.

Leave him, history repeats. This will not be last time he tried to cheat on you

"Leave him, history repeats. this will not be last time he tried to cheat on you"

I'm an investigator, working on a variety of matters for a number of law firms. Your statement is simply not true. There are two types of cheaters - some cheat/try to cheat once, learn a lesson, it never happens again. Others are what I call serial cheaters.

Hopefully the OP can tell the difference.

But I agree with the others - I'd dump this guy so fast he'd still be bouncing. Of course, I'd wonder where he got nude photos of my best friend - ?

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I'm an investigator, working on a variety of matters for a number of law firms. Your statement is simply not true. There are two types of cheaters - some cheat/try to cheat once, learn a lesson, it never happens again. Others are what I call serial cheaters.

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While I do agree with you "once a cheater always a cheater" is not true... I strong believe that if you are with someone that has cheated on you... its very very likely to happen again, however if the "cheater" dates someone else then I do believe they could act very different. My whole point is that he doesn't have strong enough feelings for her to change his ways( based on his actions with the other girl). A new girl for him means different feelings thus the chance of a stronger one.

I'm going through a boy problem myself.. but.. Dear, listen to your heart. Ask yourself, was it the right thing to take him back? Should I just leave his sorry butt? Will he do this again to me? But most importantly, Can I trust him? It's all on you to make the right decision, and hey, if it works out and he changes for you, then you guys communicate well. But if it doesn't, it was never meant to be. You have to listen to yourself on this one. Make the RIGHT decision. If you guys decide to break up, SHOW HIM IT WAS THE WRONG DECISION THINKING OF HER. Do NOT contact him in ANY way and make sure to shine! Show him that you are HAPPY. That you don't need him!

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Of course, I'd wonder where he got nude photos of my best friend - ?

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I'd break up with her too.

You first said: “Leave him, history repeats. This will not be last time he tried to cheat on you.”

Now you are saying: “while I do agree with you 'once a cheater always a cheater' is not true... I strong believe that if you are with someone that has cheated on you... its very very likely to happen again, however if the "cheater" dates someone else then I do believe they could act very different. My whole point is that he doesn't have strong enough feelings for her to change his ways( based on his actions with the other girl). A new girl for him means different feelings thus the chance of a stronger one.”

I have worked these surveillances for many years. From my experience (and I, of course, don't know your experience in these matters) cheaters cheat for a variety of reasons. Many of those reasons have little to do with love and strong feelings and a lot to do with sex - either the ability to have sex with someone new, the desire to prove “you” are attractive, something else. I do not agree that “a new girl for him means different feelings thus the chance of a stronger one.”

Serial cheaters cheat just because they can.

I realize English is not your first language, but what you are saying here contradicts what you said earlier - and makes little sense.

Of course, I still think she should dump him. I just don't agree with your experience in these matters.

And to the OP - "I left him but then he asked me back and I said yes after a few days. We both agreed we'd just tell everyone that we had a 'break' but he told people that it was my fault. He likes all of her pictures on facebook all of the time and everything she puts on there. I took him back because I love him ..." I don't understand what you love. He betrayed you with your friend (or attempted to) and now he's betrayed you again by going back on his word.

What's the attraction to him?

Ok,JudyKayTee
Clearly your not understanding that I used two different metaphors for the same message. And regardless of your experience keep in mind the influence one ones feelings and how powerful those feelings can become( such as fear or a mothers love). From my experiences, an emotion as powerful as love could suppress unwanted sexual desires such as cheating on your spouse. And not having that emotion(or some other feeling) lets your natural wants and desires roam freely from thoughts to actions. From experience, if you have ever had a desire such as cheating it will always exist. That said, personal experiences and other life events could change the strength of the desire, but never eliminate it.

Petercrazy12, in my opinion this is psycho-babble.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Petercrazy12, in my opinion this is psycho-babble.

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I'd have to agree...

Petercrazy, your interest on AMHD appears to be subjects involving porn. How old are you and is porn a problem in your relationship?

You don't seem to come from a place of education or training and I wonder where you are getting your information.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Petercrazy12, in my opinion this is psycho-babble.

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I'm a psychotherapist and I agree.

And I found the advice to watch porn and, thus, desensitize someone who is somewhat offended by her husband's "watching" habit and also so that she can compare him to be a little - strange.

Again, Peter, how old are you? Is the porn concern religious?

EDIT: I just got an inflammatory message (after I asked him not to contact me again) from Peter advising me that I need psychological help and some day I will thank him for that suggestion. Oh, and he also couldn't spell you're in that PM.

I suspect his tenure will be short.