Ask Me Help Desk - I am a domestic violence victim my husband is very controlling and horrible.

My husband is very controlling with me and my daughter. He is very possessive and jealous of who I speak to and where I go. Me and my daughter are always on a time limit when we go out. He gets pension credit, claims for me and never gives me any money. I only get tax credits for my daughter but that stops in a few weeks because my daughter leaves college soon and I have debts to pay. I use to pay the gas and electric and have done for years and now because he has got to pay it he won't let us use the fire and central heating at times to keep warm. I’m under the domestic team.

My daughter and me feel trapped and can’t get out because I’ve never worked he as always made me stay at home so I’ve no qualifications and I’ve no money to get out of here. I cannot go in a hostel because I have all my possessions like sofa's and others and my daughter who's 19. We are stressed and cannot get out of here. He has a 4x4 and won't let me use it sometimes. He gets over £800 per month pension credit and I don't see a penny of it. I told the pension service and they wouldn’t listen to me because he phoned them up and said don't listen to what she says because she is mental.

For years it’s been mental abuse and yesterday he threatened to hit my daughter twice and I managed to stop him and he hit me on my head with a dog bowl. What can we do to get out of here to get a private rented house but I'll have no money coming in. In a few weeks what can we do?

Walk out the door and leave, go to a friend, go to a shelter,

Abused women go to hostels every day. The furniture doesn't matter when someone is hitting you. What kind of advice were you hoping to hear?

Thanks for for your reply

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Abused women go to hostels every day. The furniture doesn't matter when someone is hitting you. What kind of advice were you hoping to hear?

Its clear you don't understand what its like do you because your not in this situation like we are and has for my stuff there is no chance I'm leaving it so he can sell it when I'm still in debt and having to pay for them. Plus I have a puppy to think of. Your advice is no good.

Wow... He does control you doesn't he? You are worried about "stuff" but you aren't worried about yourself?

You are a true victim of domestic violence/abuse. You are putting furniture and pets ahead of your own safety and the safety of your daughter. These things are replaceable, but the lives of you and your daughter are not.

Get a divorce lawyer after you leave for your safety, while you find your puppy a good home. If your stuff is worth more than your safety and future, then you are doomed to abuse and misery.

Make a choice on what your priorities should be. That's where you start.

I don't know, or understand, why you chose to stay with him, and accept the circumstances of this toxic relationship.

I think you are asking how to get out without the burden or worry of losing anything, and you want to be in a position to have money, a roof over your head, and live in a place where you will be given some sort of income to pay your debts.

I'm sure you realize you will have to go through some sort of public assistance to help you. Any women's shelter can offer advice, and help you plan for legal assistance. There is no question that there is help for you and I'm sure you realize that there is.

But, if you are unwilling to help yourself, I don't know what you expect here. There seems to be little doubt your husband is not willing to help, at least without a legal push and a few court appearances.

I was blunt on purpose. Your husband never gives you any money and even turns off the heat when he is out, yet somehow you are buying furniture on time, and even got a puppy, when you should be saving for getting away. I do understand abuse and how women are too afraid to leave, but I have never heard one say it's because she owes for furniture. He limits your time out, but I have a feeling that is because he wants to limit your use of his vehicle. You want to go directly to a 'rented house,' which is nice but is not how an abused woman thinks.
I'm wondering about what is really behind all this, and it has the sound of couples who argue over money. His pension isn't all that much, and it's possible that he is just a frugal person who expects you to stop spending in anticipation of losing your benefit for your daughter in a few weeks. It's only now that you are claiming that you are a victim. So... I am not buying this immediately.

Have you ever tried to know whether your husband live with any problem? If that try to love and sympathy so that he can feel love to both you and your daughter. Moreover, try to realize if you have some fault also.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

I was blunt on purpose. Your husband never gives you any money and even turns off the heat when he is out, yet somehow you are buying furniture on time, and even got a puppy, when you should be saving for getting away. I do understand abuse and how women are too afraid to leave, but I have never heard one say it's because she owes for furniture. He limits your time out, but I have a feeling that is because he wants to limit your use of his vehicle. You want to go directly to a 'rented house,' which is nice but is not how an abused woman thinks.
I'm wondering about what is really behind all this, and it has the sound of couples who argue over money. His pension isn't all that much, and it's possible that he is just a frugal person who expects you to stop spending in anticipation of losing your benefit for your daughter in a few weeks. It's only now that you are claiming that you are a victim. So... I am not buying this immediately.

You haven't got a clue have you and you don't know what you are talking about do you. The way your talking its has though I've just got the furniture when it was bought ages ago and the debts has to be paid. It's a thing called credit cards and loans but you wouldn't no that would you. Take my advice don't give advice to people in future because you don't know what your talking about. Get on with your own life in stead of upseting peoples lives. You chat rubbish

No, it is you that do not have a true, you are traped because you allow yourself to be. You are accepting being abused.

You leave, you walk out the door and don't come back, so you lose your "stuff" you get more stuff. So your credit cards don't get paid, is that worst than being abused ?

You have gotten your ideas all wrong and need to wake up.