I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now. And the past 2 year he's been trying to live the single life after meeting a new coworker. My boyfriend is 24 and his ex-coworker is in his late 40's. I don't know why my boyfriend is so fond of this immature commitment phobia man but he adores him. They always go to strip clubs together and constantly checking out girls in front of my face.

Lately we have been fighting because that old man told my boyfriend to kick me out and that he is too young to be settling down with me. We were ready to look for rings before he met this old man. But everything changed after that. Now my boyfriend says he can't be in a relationship and that he is still too young. Etc. and I am so hurt because I sacrifice so much to be with him. I am constantly on my hands and knees for him. But he takes me for granted. I want to leave him because I know he will never ever be that guy I fell in love with 5 years ago. He changed so much for the worse now.

Everything I say to him about my feelings he gets piss off or just change the subject. There is no compromising with him. He is very selfish and heartless. But I don't know why I am still here? Will he ever change? If I stop being so clingy will he wants to chase me again? Or even stop going out to clubs to meet new girls? I'm always thinking he is out there looking for someone better to replace me with. But I know when it comes to patience and sacrifice no one could replace me with that.

Can a selfish person ever change to care for their love one again? What can I do? I'm so hurt.

He certainly is not worth it. He is going out to a club to meet new girls, so what are you waiting for? To be replaced? Just leave him; he does not deserve someone like you. It is that simple.

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Originally Posted by Zea

He certainly is not worth it. He is going out to a club to meet new girls, so what are you waiting for? To be replaced? Just leave him; he does not deserve someone like you. It is that simple.

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Sigh... It just hurts to walk away from a 5 year relationship. I just can't bare to feel the pain of not having him there anymore. I really do love him still.. After all he has done to me.

I know what you mean, at the moment of course you are hurt, but in the future when you think about this again you will be relieved that you left.
Think about it, you will be more hurt if you stay with him, it is truly disrespectful to go in search for another person when you are still together. Than, it will be you, him, and another woman, I don't want you to go through that.
I suggest that you do what is in your best interest and leave; It won't do you any good if you stay there any longer.

This guy is no good for you. He is probably cheating, he is disrespecting you, and you are just letting him do it.

No, he probably will never be the guy that he was. I know you think that you've been with him for 5 years and you can't live without him. Think about it though... look what he's doing and putting you through. Is that good? Certainly not. Wouldn't it be better off to leave him, deal with a little hurt, and then find someone that treats you right? I've been there. I was married to a woman like this. 6 years I wasted on her and yeah, it hurt... but after a short time I felt like a weight was lifted off me and I started to live again... you can too. Just believe in yourself.

You are not worried so much about not having him... you are more worried about not having what he was and the hope that he can still be that again. It happens. Many people go through it. You just need the strength to realize that and get away from him so you can start respecting yourself again and be alive.

Trust me... been there. You can do it.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

This guy is no good for you. He is probably cheating, he is disrespecting you, and you are just letting him do it.

No, he probably will never be the guy that he was. I know you think that you've been with him for 5 years and you can't live without him. Think about it though....look what he's doing and putting you through. Is that good? Certainly not. Wouldn't it be better off to leave him, deal with a little hurt, and then find someone that treats you right? I've been there. I was married to a woman like this. 6 years I wasted on her and yeah, it hurt...but after a short time I felt like a weight was lifted off me and I started to live again...you can too. Just believe in yourself.

You are not worried so much about not having him...you are more worried about not having what he was and the hope that he can still be that again. It happens. Many people go through it. You just need the strength to realize that and get away from him so you can start respecting yourself again and be alive.

Trust me...been there. You can do it.

Good luck.

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Thank you.. But I suffer from anxiety and depression because of him. And I would rather have my arms cut off then to feel emotional pain again.. That is what I fear most. Not being able to get through it. I went through with it before when he left me. And because I loved him so much and changed so much for him, I persuaded him to get back with me. But now he is up to no good again. And once again I am in pain. People say the pain is temporary but staying with him is perminate. But I only see it as perminate both way cause all my life I always had a hard time letting people go no matter how much they have hurt me. It just makes me want their love even more. (I grew up with an abusive father) and I can see I am turning into my mother.. Letting our lover take full control of us.

Well you have a problem here... you came here asking what you can do but when told, you say you can't. So what did you really want us to do for you?

I can assure you that your anxiety and depression are not going to get any better by dealing with the way you are being treated.

All I can suggest at this point is to get counseling to try and help you deal with this and move on but I know I'm wasting my time telling you this.

Good luck to you and I hope some day things will work out for you.

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Originally Posted by Dtl143

changed so much for him

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No, no, no. That's not how it works. You have a skewed idea of what a healthy relationship is. Like odinn said, find yourself a counselor to work through your depression and be able to give yourself permission to break away from this abusive boyfriend and stop allowing yourself to be a doormat.

You are not happy with him and can't live without him, so be miserable until he finds some one else and see how you feel then.

Come on 5 years is long enough, make a new life without him. Better yet go to a counselor now and learn to deal with your issues and then dump him.

You allow this kind treatment from him, that's what you got.

Ignore him for a month. No contact, no anything... he'll come running back if it's meant to be.

Loving relationship is not what you have.

I don't see this as you having a bone to pick with his new friend. The problem lies in the choices your boyfriend makes. If his new friend were female, would you blame her, or would you blame him. He is the one that makes the choices, that affect your life, and your relationship with only him.

It is easy to say that he'll get over his new friend, and things will return to normal. But there are other issues here with him, that make you unhappy too. What they all add up to from the outside here looking in, is that he is unlikely to even go to relationship counselling. It does not appear his heart is where it should be, and it probably hasn't been for a long time.

What I would suggest you do, is get counselling for yourself. Not only to work through the current problems, but, to see where your options are, and most importantly, not end up in the same place again. To live five years with someone in a one-sided relationship, does not bode well for either of your futures.

Your boyfriend could simply not have the maturity at age 24, to know what he wants, and what he doesn't want in a long term relationship. He may decide to 'fix' things by dumping his friend, but that doesn't change anything, particularly if he does it just to keep you happy.

Please seek counselling to see your way through and past where you are now. You may decide it's just easier to wait this out and do nothing. But at least you will have better insight into your relationship rather than this is simply a bump in the road, and when the 'old guy' is out of the picture, things will be normal again.

Perhaps you may even reach a point where you realize that even if he dumps his friend, this relationship is not enough for what you decide your needs are.