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-   -   Just wanted to help him. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=741238)

  • Mar 26, 2013, 08:36 PM
    ijustlovehim
    Just wanted to help him.
    So I have a 15 year old son from a man I didn't love and so I left him when my son was a few months old. Then years later I meet my sons father's older brother who was living in the streets and so I felt drawn to help him.

    But as time went on we drew closer together, and we fell in love and he was forced to leave because of my son. But we still talk everyday and plan to be together in the near without anyone knowing. We don't want to let go of what we have because we believe we've found our soulmates. What should I do? Is it wrong to love him, or should hold on to him?
  • Mar 26, 2013, 10:13 PM
    fredg
    I see nothing wrong with you being in love with your son's father's brother. I wish you the best.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 04:34 AM
    smkanand
    Nothing wrong but your son might be willing to see his father. You have to talk to your son openly about this.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 06:02 AM
    talaniman
    Secret love has its risks, and when a child is concerned even more so. For now, that's the priority, and I doubt his understanding of a uncle being romantic with his mother will be an occasion of joy, nor will it help his relationship(?) with his father. Or the brothers for that matter.

    I would be very cautious for now, and let your son grow older, and see how this relationship works out before you expose him to your bombshell. Not saying you are wrong, just saying weigh the risks to all you love, and put your son FIRST for now.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 06:31 AM
    Oliver2011
    I don't get the statement "forced to leave because of my son". Why? And I don't understand why you are planning a relationship without anyone knowing.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 08:43 AM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Oliver2011 View Post
    I don't get the statement "forced to leave because of my son". Why? And I don't understand why you are planning a relationship without anyone knowing.
    We'll its even more complicated then I wrote. My son found out and was very uncomfortable with him in the housr so he had to leave and we had a lot of good times and now I'm alone and miserable so I don't want to lose what we have.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Secret love has its risks, and when a child is concerned even more so. For now, thats the priority, and I doubt his understanding of a uncle being romantic with his mother will be an occasion of joy, nor will it help his relationship(?) with his father. Or the brothers for that matter.

    I would be very cautious for now, and let your son grow older, and see how this relationship works out before you expose him to your bombshell. Not saying you are wrong, just saying weigh the risks to all you love, and put your son FIRST for now.
    I guess I will have to wait until he graduates from high school.

    Thank you I just needed someone wise to help me decide what to do
  • Mar 27, 2013, 09:00 AM
    talaniman
    I don't see your son accepting his relationhip. Does he see his father often?
  • Mar 27, 2013, 09:09 AM
    Zea
    Here is an easy answer:
    Did you two get romantic in front of your son?

    If yes and that is the reason why he was uncomfortable, than maybe you should wait.

    If not than tell your son, if you think that he is ready.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 10:52 AM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    I don't see your son accepting his relationhip. Does he see his father often?
    No he doesn't have a relationship with him. He's be excluded this 3 months old

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Zea View Post
    Here is an easy answer:
    Did you two get romantic in front of your son?

    If yes and that is the reason why he was uncomfortable, than maybe you should wait.

    If not than tell your son, if you think that he is ready.
    No I didn't. He just noticed I was happier when he was around

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smkanand View Post
    nothing wrong but your son might be willing to see his father. you have to talk to your son openly about this.
    He never sees his father and it's difficult but I will try. Thanks
  • Mar 27, 2013, 11:12 AM
    Zea
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ijustlovehim View Post
    no i didn't. he just noticed i was happier when he was around

    ... and that is what made him feel awkward?

    Okay, so did your son tell you or did you guess on his impression?
  • Mar 27, 2013, 03:06 PM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Zea View Post
    .......and that is what made him feel awkward?

    Okay, so did your son tell you or did you guess on his impression?
    He saw my text messages on my phone. I know I shouldve erase them but I didn't. But they did get along very well but he won't except it so I guess I will just leave it alone.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 04:09 PM
    Zea
    Well, I also asked you if your son told you face to face or not.

    Anyway, if he did than it is clear that you should wait, because your relationship with him might push your son away from you.

    If he appeared suspicious, than who know why it could be something else. If you think your son is not going to make a big fuss than you should ask him at least.
  • Mar 27, 2013, 04:34 PM
    Alty
    I don't understand any of this. Your 15 year old son saw you happy with this man, and because he saw you happy he wanted you to end the relationship?

    You don't have to stop having a relationship with this man. Should the two of you live together? No. Should you let a 15 year old dictate your life? No. As long as you keep your role as a parent, and your relationship with this man, separate, what's the problem?
  • Mar 27, 2013, 04:41 PM
    talaniman
    Does he know this fellow is his uncle, I mean how could he NOT?
  • Mar 28, 2013, 12:28 PM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Does he know this fellow is his uncle, I mean how could he NOT?
    Yes he knows but hw says its wrong for me to be with him even though they got along very well
  • Mar 28, 2013, 12:33 PM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    I don't understand any of this. Your 15 year old son saw you happy with this man, and because he saw you happy he wanted you to end the relationship?

    You don't have to stop having a relationship with this man. Should the two of you live together? No. Should you let a 15 year old dictate your life? No. As long as you keep your role as a parent, and your relationship with this man, separate, what's the problem?
    I feel that way too. I just can't live wirh him and he's okay with making sacrifices to be with me. I only have one life to live and after 37 years I found my match. Thank you so much. I love him
  • Mar 28, 2013, 12:37 PM
    ijustlovehim
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Zea View Post
    Well, i also asked you if your son told you face to face or not.

    Anyway, if he did than it is clear that you should wait, because your relationship with him might push your son away from you.

    If he appeared suspicious, than who know why it could be something else. If you think your son is not going to make a big fuss than you should ask him at least.
    My son doesn't want to accept it so in order to keep the peace between them he really won't know that I will be seeing him again. I am and have been a parent to him so thanks for advice. I appreciate you

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