I live with my brother; we're both in our early twenties. Today he told me he couldn't stop thinking about something for the last few weeks and tearfully admitted he was raped for a year and a half by a friend's parents starting when he was in 2nd grade (around 1998). Although it was years ago, he's never told anyone in the family (which is me and my parents). I'm really close to my brother and was shocked when he told me, and the more I think about it, the more angry and emotional I get about it. The fact that he waited so long to tell me shows me just how deep his secret is, since we share everything. I think he should tell our parents, and he does too, but I don't think he has the guts to. He's also worried that my mom will flip her lid and try to prosecute the couple. But maybe they should be outed? I don't know. I feel like it should be his decision to tell them, since it's his secret, but what if that couple is still out there abusing children? It makes me sick to think about. I also want him to share his burden, but he said counseling didn't help, and he won't try it again. What should I do?

This is not something you can force. If he wants to tell your parents that's his decision, and he should be the one to do it.

As for prosecuting the couple, that would be near impossible. There's no evidence that what your brother is saying is true. It's his word against theirs,and you can bet that they're not going to admit to doing it.

I was sexually molested as a child by my cousin, for many years, starting at the age of 5. I know how this feels. I also now that until I found the right therapist, therapy didn't work for me. Once I did find the right therapist it changed my life. I really do suggest counseling.

Finding the right counselor is harder than finding the right doctor. He may have to go to a few before he finds someone he can work with. I really would urge him to try again.

Would he be comfortable posting on this site? There are many people on this site that have gone through what he went through. We're not counselors, but I know it helped me a lot to talk to other people that knew what I was going through, and what I was still dealing with even after all these years.

I totally agree with Alty - don't force the issue. Just the fact that he is willing to talk about it now is a big step. I remember when I told my older sister. She actually guessed the two people that violated me. I understand completely what your brother is going through. I don't talk about it too much on here but obviously when someone has been through the same thing, you want to help. Also when this comes out and the family knows, it will be a difficult time dealing with the emotions like guilt and disgust and your parents will feel like they didn't protect their child. So don't force it. Be there for your brother and let it happen on his terms.

I have a friend who was molested in his teens by a psychiatrist, and he has been finding out slowly that he was not alone. The molester is dead and gone, but there's something to be gained by knowing about the others, and all talking with each other. In your brother's case, he might help others and himself by actively doing some sleuthing. He's an adult now, and he can even leave the part about telling your parents for later (what can they do except feel guilty for letting him go stay with his friend?), while he gathers some emotional strength from his research, and from knowing he might be helping others.
(In addition to the suggestion above to find the right therapist, and the caveat that these are his decisions alone.)

Any decision on what to do, or say, should be your brother's decision. I do hope he will tell his parents. It will help in some ways letting them know about it.

There is no statute of limitations on such a crime. Meaning these people can still be prosecuted. Your brother needs closure, and there may be others. Sexual offenders don't stop with one victim, it is a sickness with them.

Your brother should forget the sleuthing idea and just speak to his parents. It should be out in the open with the whole family no matter how difficult it may be.

These offenders must be help accountable.

Given that the brother is an adult, I don't see why he needs to rush right home to his parents first, where the emotions will be very strong. And I see nothing wrong with an adult man asking friends of the friend in question if they have any upsetting memories of the parents. It seems to be that the odds might be high that there are other friends out there holding in the same secret! If he finds any, he is helping them and himself.

As someone who has been through this very ordeal it doesn't really matter which approach he takes. It is going to be difficult. I even approached one of my perpetrators in the hopes that I would feel better. His family and friends need to be there for him.

Thanks everyone; your comments are really helpful.

I talked to my brother again just to let him know I thought he should tell our parents but that I would support him either way. I also encouraged him to seek counseling, and that it might take time to find the right one, but it'll be worth it. I also mentioned there are a lot of ways to talk about it with others who have the same experience, either online or support groups, that could be really helpful. I prefaced all of it by saying I wouldn't bring it up again unless he wanted to talk. He's a really friendly guy, but gets defensive if you confront him about an issue. He seemed to be open to talking with others online, and that's a lot easier than trying to schedule (and pay) for counselors, so hopefully he'll look into it.

Tickle and Joypulv, my brother never saw that friend or his parents again after we moved out of state (which was when it stopped), so it would be difficult to track them down. I doubt my brother would want to ask questions out of the blue to people he hasn't seen since 3rd grade, but I might see how he feels about that. I kind of don't want to bring it up again unless he seems to need that for closure. Maybe if he talks with a therapist or others with similar experience, they can direct him better than I can. Thanks for the advice.

For me, not seeing my abuser again was never an option, she's my cousin. I never told my parents what happened. In fact, I didn't tell anyone until I told my husband, and he didn't find out until long after we were married, when my daughter turned 5, the same age I was when I started being molested. When my daughter turned 5 it all came back, and I was finally forced to confront it, to accept that it had happened, and to find a way to deal with it.

If it weren't for the people on this site I don't think I would have gotten through it.

I really would urge him to talk about this, and online is a great way to go, we're all anonymous here and it's a lot easier to write what you're feeling than it is to sit face to face with someone and tell them. It can be a great outlet.

I hope he decides to get help, even if he chooses to come here, or go to another site, a therapist or counselor really is important too.