Hi there, my names Louise

I have a boy best friend and we have been best friends for around a year now. We are both 17 years old and talk to each other all day everyday. Everyone always says Jake (my bestfriend) has feelings for me and that it is very obvious. However, I have never looked past being bestfriends. He doesn't try to protect me from other guys, telling me when I'm with the wrong guy etc. He just avoids any sort of conversation to do with him or myself being, involved with any other person of the opposite sex.

Two nights ago we were at a party. I turned up as a surprise, he had no idea I was coming as I told him I had gone to bed. He was very excited to see me, however, as the night went on he changed. He started pretending I wasn't even there and ignoring me. (I did nothing wrong, but he was drinking... ) At the end of the night when he went to leave someone asked Jaquie (a girl who jake is close with) where she was staying the night. Jake replied for her saying, "my girls is sleeping at my house and we are going to be spooning and snuggling all night" - that is usually me. And I got extremely jealous and cut.
(When I was with my ex boyfriend I never once got jealous.. I told him to go out and go to parties.. )
I also found out that jake used to like Jaquie making me even more jealous...

The morning after the party I was texting him and he was being very dry to me. Usually he'd reply that minute however he was taking up to an hour to reply...

I love Jake and I mean love! Everyday and every night we tell each other we love each other, we are that close. But because of the love I have for him I am confused. I'm not sure if I just love him as a best friend anymore, considering the amount I got jealous ( when in my last relationship I'd never get jealous at all)
I am like mother figure to him (he doesn't have a mother) and this is another reason why we are so close and why we love each other. I will admit, I am a very big part of his life. He has depression, bipolar, anger management issues and I help him get through all of that... However, on the weekend he decides to drink his worries away.

Do you think I have feelings for him? And if so what do I do?
I broke up with my ex boyfriend because I didn't want to make any commitments while in year 12 so I could achieve the best mark possible..
And if I do like him should I just tell him? Or should I tell him that I have mixed feelings? Just so he is aware

We are going away together for 5 days this week (with my parents) so I plan to not tell him anything until we are back in case it makes things awkward...

He always jokes around telling me to kiss him. Do you think it would be a bad idea if I kissed him on the last day we are away?

I have a lot of mixed feelings, and if I could get anyone's opinion it would be very lovely! So please comment! And let me know what you think I should do in this situation..

Thank you very much for your time and reading this :)

You are not sure of your feelings and according to you he is not stable and my have a drinking problem. I don't think you should tell him anything. This does not make for a healthy relationship.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are not sure of your feelings and according to you he is not stable and my have a drinking problem. I don't think you should tell him anything. This does not make for a healthy relationship.

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What if I tell him I have mixed feelings

Hey, there:
Okay, lets get started.
So you say he has anger problems, but exactly how bad can it get? Can he control it? Has his anger caused him or any people around him any problems? You are his friend you must know how severe is it really?

What about bipolar, episodes of severe high and low mood swings. Can you endure all this?You must realize that when he feels down, than you have to mute your excitement a bit down too.
I was surprised when you said that once your friend saw you at the party he was on the top of the world, and then he was all ignoring you; but than you mentioned bipolar and I immediately understood.

To be honest with you, you should try to think all this through, to me it seems he has a lot of problems that may cause you problems. Maybe being friends is the best thing that you could be for him. Being in a relationship with him will use all your efforts to keep you up with his problems.
He might be misunderstood sometimes, even by you (since you said he was ignoring you at the party, but really that was bipolar. So this one time slipped, but what if it happened for a more important moment, losing interest I mean, and you may think that is because of his personality, yet it is bipolar.) I don't think you can recognize his real emotions from all the problems he has. That is bad.
When you will lose your patience with his mood swings, and depression. His world may move slower from a closer look.

It's not his fault, but I think that you might suffer distress when you stay with him. For example, if he is sad, suffers depression, he would want to be alone. When his mood is down, he will ignore you. Do you understand that being near negative people will infect you? Meaning you will be depressed as well. Not in a normal relationship, but when you live together.

I think being a friend for him and being there for him is fine. Still, you know him more than I ever will, so I don't know how bad all those factors are, the choice is yours.

Good Luck.

And he doesn't have a drinking problem

Oh, I am so sorry.
Got mixed up.
Just trying to help.

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Originally Posted by Zea

Hey, there:
Okay, lets get started.

Now, from the article you posted I guess he has a girlfriend. That makes things even harder.

What is even worse, is that he has anger problems, but exactly how bad can it get? Can he control it? Has his anger caused him or any people around him any problems? You are his friend you must know how severe is it really? So that is two thumbs down.

What about bipolar, episodes of severe high and low mood swings. Can you endure all this?You must realize that when he feels down, than you have to turn your mute excitement a bit down too.
You friend drinks too, how bad can it all get? I was surprised when you said that once your friend saw you at the party he was on the top of the world, and then he was all ignoring you; but than you mentioned bipolar and I immediately understood.

To be honest with you, you should try to think all this through, to me it seems he has a lot of problems that may cause you problems. Maybe being friends is the best thing that you could be for him. Being in a relationship with him will use all your efforts to keep you up with his problems.
He might be misunderstood sometimes, even by you (since you said he was ignoring you at the party, but really that was bipolar, you should not have labeled this as weird, how could you miss read the sign? So this one time slipped, but what if it happened for a more important moment, losing interest I mean, and you may think that is because of his personality, yet it is bipolar.) I don't think you can recognize his real emotions from all the problems he has. That is bad.
When you will lose your patience with his mood swings, and depression. His world may move slower from a closer look.

It's not his fault, but I think that you might suffer distress when you stay with him. For example, if he is sad, suffers depression, he would want to be alone. When his mood is down, he will ignore you. Do you understand that being near negative people will infect you? Meaning you will be depressed as well.

I think being a friend for him and being there for him is fine. Still, you know him more than I can ever do, so I don't know how bad all those factors are, the choice is yours.

Good Luck.

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Wow. Thank you so much for all of that!

He doesn't have a girlfriend. Is just a friend that he is close with, but not as close as him and I!

His anger problems are minor, they were an issue in the past but he is getting his life together and slowly everything is getting better for him. The only time he might get angry is when he drinks..

He hasn't been diagnosed with bipolar, he just 'thinks' he has it. Personally I don't believe he does. The only thing that ever changes his mood is alcohol!

He only drinks on Friday nights, but I've been making plans with him so then he's with me instead of drinking

I still need to talk to him about the way he acted towards me that night, I think he reacted to the fact that I was helping another guy who was passed out. Maybe he was jealous that I was with the guy instead of him?

I've been through a lot with him, and everyone even him, ask me how I haven't given up on him. I'm very strong minded

When he is depressed he doesn't ignore me. All he wants is my comfort. He is depressed because of losing a parent. So it doesn't wear onto me. I just do my best to support him


So yeah...

Sorry Zea that part about the drinking problem, wasn't aimed at you! It was at homegirl

It is okay, I don't mind being corrected. LOOK!
Your comment just now cleared the whole problem!
You do know him more than what I thought,Good. He is healing from all the problems he has, Perfect.

You are a good friend for him by the way, I judged because I did not know the details that you just provided.
But now that you put it that way, I BELIEVE that you should take a chance, yet don't rush.

I am strong minded too, I won't let people effect me no matter what.

I wish you the best of luck. (Refresh to see more comments)

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Originally Posted by Zea

It is okay, I don't mind being corrected. LOOK!
Your comment just now cleared the whole problem!
You do know him more than what I thought, he is healing from all the problems he has.

You are a good friend for him by the way, I judged because I did not know the details.
But now that you put it that way, I BELIEVE that you should take a chance, yet don't rush.

I am strong minded too, I wont let people effect me no matter what.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Thanks so much! You've been great help :)

Any time my friend. ;)

However, on the weekend he decides to drink his worries away.


You said this. You said he has depression and bipolar. Now you're changing your story. He doesn't have a mother so you're like a mother figure to him... How old is he? This guy has too many issues. You don't need to add to them or tell him anything.
This relationship is not healthy. He is not emotionally stable enough for a relationship with you and you are not sure how you feel about him. You don't need to tell him anything. You don't need this kind of drama going in to your last year of school.
This boy needs professional help, not help from a 17 years old who is not even sure of her feelings. How old is he?

Let me help you see through this problem. Homegirl.
Look, she said he does not drink because she makes plans on Friday to be with him, so now he does not have time to drink. Since he drinks on Fridays only.

Than, she said that he only believes that he suffers bipolar, he was not actually diagnosed with this.

Lastly, she said that he is getting better from those anger episodes.

Wait, we missed one more, he is only depressed, because he lost someone dear. People can get better.

Does not all this mean anything?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

However, on the weekend he decides to drink his worries away.


You said this. You said he has depression and bipolar. now you're changing your story. He doesn't have a mother so you're like a mother figure to him....How old is he? This guy has too many issues. You don't need to add to them or tell him anything.
This relationship is not healthy. He is not emotionally stable enough for a relationship with you and you are not sure how you feel about him. You don't need to tell him anything. You don't need this kind of drama going in to your last year of school.
This boy needs professional help, not help from a 17 years old who is not even sure of her feelings. How old is he?

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In the previous comments I spoke about his issues, they are minor

17

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Originally Posted by Zea

Let me help you see through this problem. Homegirl.
Look, she said he does not drink because she makes plans on Friday to be with him, so now he does not have time to drink. Since he drinks on Fridays only.

Than, she said that he only believes that he suffers bipolar, he was not actually diagnosed with this.

Lastly, she said that he is getting better from those anger episodes.

Wait, we missed one more, he is only depressed, because he lost someone dear. People can get better.

Does not all this mean anything?

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I don't need you to help me see through anything. I see a 17 year old girl whose story changed because maybe she wants to be told it's OK to let this boy, know that she may or may not like him.
This boy has issues. You broke up with a guy because you didn't want drama in your 12 year but now you want this kid's drama? That makes no sense, you don't even know what you want. Do you want to play nurse with him every Friday so he doesn't get drunk? What about your social life? I think this would be a big mistake.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't need you to help me see through anything. I see a 17 year old girl whose story changed because maybe she wants to be told it's OK to let this boy, know that she may or may not like him.
This boy has issues. You broke up with a guy because you didn't want drama in your 12 year but now you want this kid's drama? That makes no sense, you don't even know what you want. Do you want to play nurse with him every Friday so he doesn't get drunk? What about your social life? I think this would be a big mistake.

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My story didn't change, I just gave more depth into it.

It's not easy to make vast decisions, that's why I'm sitting back, observing and getting opinions before I make a decision as such.

I don't have a social life anyway considering the amount I study and do assignments so id love to spend every Friday night with him

So what happened to not wanting commitments in your senior year? Why do you have to tell this boy anything if you are not sure yourself?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

So what happened to not wanting commitments in your senior year? Why do you have to tell this boy anything if you are not sure yourself?

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I wouldn't commit to him. We wouldn't be in a relationship. I would just make him aware of it so he knows. So he knows when to limit himself, in the way that it could be leading me on

Leave this young guy alone to sort his own problems out for himself as he is going through a difficult time in his life. I know you want to help but the truth is you cannot. You can be a supportive friend, but you can't save him from his demons and all you are doing is giving him a crutch to lean on while you keep the attachment without a title. (friendship?)

He doesn't have to heal, or look at himself, just visit you on Friday and keep you company so he doesn't drink. Does he stay all night? If not he is on his own on Friday night. How does a few hours with you help him deal with his various issues and youth drinking is to huge to be dismissed as minor.

In reality all you have managed to do is keep him close and under your influence so you can figure out how you feel about him and his lifestyle. You may as well put him in a cage or get a leash. Cut the cord, and you both can deal with your own issues apart from each other in far more healthy ways that actually benefits you both.

I don't think its healthy at all to keep him so dependent on you or your friendship, because lets be real, you are to possessive and jealous of the other people in his life, and afraid he will no longer need your attention. Wasn't that what you asked at first?If you should kiss him when you see him? And was jealous he gave attention to other girls?

So let him go because you never owned him in the first place. Get your own Friday night life, or your good intentions to help a friend will hurt you both. Losing a friend because of his negative behavior will change him quicker than a few hours of babysitting to keep you from being bored,or alone.

Just give it some thought. He needs more, and better help than you can give, and he has to want that help and see a problem to even address it properly. You are much to into your own feelings to even see YOUR problems, let alone his.

Homegirl, got to love it when a teen straightens out a long-time respected member - "Let me help you see through this problem. Homegirl."

I didn't think you needed to be straightened out - but at least it's a teen board for once, not an adult sexuality board where the advice is posted.

If you have to be with someone 24/7 to keep them away from their own demons you're making a mistake. He doesn't need a girlfriend. He needs a babysitter.

Walk away.