Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year he's had a best friend that he was past intimate with a couples years ago she loved him but he never felt the same they have been friends around 9 years. She only recently realised she still loves him because he loves someone else (me) and she said she's being hurting the whole time so now he's left me and said he can't be with anyone he needs space to figure out what he feels he told me he loves us both but can't be with any of us because someone gets hurt.. now I love him more than my own life and I duno what to do because I'm lostwithout him he wants to be just friends so he doesn't lose me but I want him to be with me!! He promised me the world, together forever and marriage.. now he says he doesn't know if he loves me but he knows he did :/ also he says he doesn't know if he loves her but he said he needs to get over me and I need to get over him.. but I love him and I want him back I don't want to get over him.. what do I do?

Complicated... he doesn't know that he love the other girl but he wants to get over you? What is that mean? I think this other girl who is his friend since 9 years is close to him. You should make things clear when in a relationship. If he previously acted as your boyfriend and promised you world, marriage etc. then he should either end it officially or stay in the relationship. He can not keep you on hold as friend. Remember you are not his friend, not just friend. I think you talk to him clearly that you see him as life partner and if he can not see the same then you better leave him. No need to play friends act that will be hurting yourself and lying to you since you love him. Don't let him hurt you and don't hurt yourself by calling it friends. He has to make a choice. Good luck.

Yeah he's saying that he wants me to get over him and he wants her to get over him, he said everyone will be happy and unhurt if he's alone but I'm upset because I'm not with him, I don't want to be friends that kills me but he says he doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to lose him I'm scared if I do let go and stay away he'll run into her arms and I don't want that :(

Assuming you stay as friends, still where is this going? He is acting like he wants to sacrifice but the fact is he is acting coward. Why he care about hurting other girl? He promised you all the stuff not other girl. Eventually he has to be with someone, you or her or any third person. Then what? He will hurt both of you. He don't want to loose you, what is that mean? Why are you scared? If the guy is has no guts to admit his intension, why should you stay with him? If he runs into her arms then it will be clear that he always intended that. You should not feel sad or depressed for person who has not firm character, in fact it would be better if he would break off with you instead keeping you on false hope. I know this sound bitter but a clear minded person is better than feebal minded. Don't be sad, listen to your heart, your instinct then act. In this way he is hurting both of you by keeping both the girls on false hope, if he chooses to be with one, both of you will have clear things ahead. You should tell him this.

Everything you said there is completely true! yeah he promised me all that and he's saying he wish he didn't so I don't understand him he's so confused :(.. I just don't know what to do, I would be stupid enough to wait for him to decide what he wants but he might come back with no feelings for me at all, it hurts because he's never lied to me he's honest but I wish he knew what he felt.. where do I go from here :(

Pray and ask God to guide you

I have been through a similar kind of thing but little different. That was the most toughest time but I got over it. When my boyfriend stop calling me, I cried lot because I had given 5 years to this relationship but then I realized that what if this would have been after marriage? I felt good that all his character come to know me before its too late. I think if you have invested long time in this, its better to talk to him clearly. And even if decides to remain friends then I would suggest strictly be friends, don't act like lovers, no intimacy. Because if you call each other friends after all this then be friends, don't cheat each other. Or else things will get more complicated. Other thing is, life doesn't ends with someone nor stops for someone. You will have good life and future, don't be in despair. There are better things ahead. If this is not for you, then God must have planned better for you. You just be honest. Good luck.

Thank you for your advice!. I think I have to accept his choice and be friends its going to kill me but I don't think he will ever come back, I'm trying to ignore him at the minute to see if he will miss me and come back but he may just put me out of his life :/:(

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Originally Posted by lonelyhearts12

Thankyou for your advice! .. I think I have to accept his choice and be friends its gonna kill me but I don't think he will ever come back, I'm trying to ignore him at the minute to see if he will miss me and come back but he may just put me out of his life :/:(

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Oh dear... its not going to kill you, soon you will able to see things clear. Don't worry, have faith! :-)

Wow, I am mesmerized, you grabbed my attention so congrats, that happens only rarely.

Have you two been friends before you dated? I think not of this possibility.
So, It may be awkward to be just friends after being in a relationship . I am not saying you should not when you want to.
It is confusing this situation; I believe so too, I REALLY wish I can help you, but it is your former boyfriend's choice, and we can't control that.
Also, his friend spoke her mind, we can't blame her for that either, it is only and only his choice, I don't think that you should press on him to decide, but he should follow his heart and choose only one, the other has to just move on. It is the mature thing to do.
So what do you think?

No were wernt friends before we were always on the more than friends level when we first met, see he's telling me he's not going to choose anyone because someone will get hurt so he thinks him being alone will keep everytone happy because me and her both want to be with him and be the ones to make him happy, I'm mad at her for the simple reason she had all that those years before our relationship to tell him how she felt she just didn't want him with me :(.. I just want him back what can I do?

Well, I guess that jealousy triggered her emotions into an honest confession.
That is all right you don't have to hate her;especially, if you believe in God. At times like this you have to be faithful to God, and love and pray for them all.
I have had bad friends, and I have to tell you that no matter how much they hated me and annoyed me I still treated them nicely, I LOVE them all no matter how much they express their hate on me.
It is not worth your time, if this is only temporary, I mean in the end he has to choose, we all get heart brakes, he does not have to worry about that because it hearts more when it lasts longer.
And that is why people dream of heaven, If life was perfect then heaven and dreams will all be forgotten.

That's exactly what happened, I just feel lost because I made him everything to me, my best friend the lot, I've never felt more distant from him :(.. its all the promises he made and everything that has made me so let down that now he doesn't know if he ever loved me but he says at one point he knows he did :(

Cheer up, I don't want you to be sad.

Don't be insecure, If it makes you feel deeply wounded than tell him that he should choose one, won't that be better than to keep you both on the hold, I mean tell him that it won't help because it will hurt three people, but if he chooses, at less everyone would know their place.

I mean he is probably in love with only one, so tell him to come out of his fear in hurting one of you and confess. Just tell him, he is the only one that can set you both into a brake from this nerve raking situation. I mean you all would feel better if you know. Remember to ask him, he holds the key, unless one backs out.

I know that he loves one of us he just doesn't want to say it, he says that he might find out in the end he loves no'one but I think he does he just doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore that they already are.. do u think he loves his best friend because of there past I doubt its me :(

I think that I would know if I only know him, you could know, there is no way for me to tell without observing his body language and gestures.

He has to speak, confess that his silence is torturous, more than the truth can ever be more daring.

Even Macbeth broke out from his character to be more manly, you friend just has to speak, especially if that is what you both want.

Your right I'm going to have to just come out with it and ask him who he wants, he has to chose :(

Oh, sorry I took so long, something unavoidable came up.
Yes yes unfortunately, this is your only solution. Don't worry if he rejects you are a wonderful person.
Try to take it easy, you are not alone, may God bless you.