My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. When I met him, I had a lot of emotional problems because of previously being raped. About 2 years into our relationship we started arguing because I wanted him to get a better job and stop smoking weed. One day he just broke up with me. I was completely heartbroken and cried for 2 days straight . I begged for him back and apologized and told him I wouldn't act like his mother. He forgave me but told me he wanted me to be more housewifey and this girl at his work told him she would cook and clean for him. I was 19 when this all happened and naïve and took him back but something always told me he cheated. I have asked him for the past 2 1/2 years if he cheated on me with her and he denied it every single time . We are not perfect and he has a drinking problem and out of selfishness about a month ago I saw my ex and we kissed goodbye. I told my boyfriend the very same day and he kicked me out of our apartment and then let me come back but treated me so horribly for the past month for kissing my ex. Then a weeks ago my boyfriend told me that he had hooked up with the girl from his work multiple times at work. He swares they didn't have sex but I don't believe him. I want to work it out but I have lost all trust for him and respect and I can't even stand to have sex with him . I'm so lost... I know I technically cheated too but I feel so mad at him for not telling me the same day like I told him and that he treated me like crap for what I did when he had a secret of his own. What do I do? I have not forgiven him but we live together and are still together.

What do you do? This relationship is a mess. An absolute mess. The best thing to do is move on and forget about this one.

He is cheating or has and you know it but don't want to fully face it. The arguing, the kicking out, the disrespect on both sides... why go through this? You do know this isn't going to get any better as time goes on, right? The problems you're having now will only get worse over time.

I know it sounds like a mess but I don't know what to do. And I keep asking him for details. He says he's being honest and that during that time I was having pain during sex which I later found out was psychological due to the rape and he says he got close to her because he didn't believe that I was in pain. For the past week he has been so apologetic and nice and really wants to be with me. I really would like to be with him to, especially because we have been together so long and we live together and he says I'm his soulmate. But I honestly don't think I will really forgive him. I spent the last 4 1/2 years attached to his hip and we have accomplished so many things together but I just don't understand how he could lie to me so many times when I asked and I know I shouldn't be asking for details but I am, and I am not liking what I'm hearing. For example, he told me that he was telling her he was going to leave me for her just so he could have sex with her. And also, my family has told me to work it out because it happened so long ago and whatnot.

I just don't know what to think. He is a lot different then back then obviously. He has a great job, doesn't smoke weed, etc. but up until a month ago, he was drinking every weekend and treating me like crap only when he was drunk. He has always had a drinking problem and has become physically abusive twice in the past. I'm not perfect either but for only being 22, and he will be 30 this year, he has been acting very immature our entire relationship. And this past week has been hell since I finally got confirmation for what he did to me 2 years ago. I know it doesn't matter but I wish he would just be honest and say he had sex with her. All he says is that they made out multiple times at work and after work in his car, and the day he broke up with me he met her that night and all they did was makeout and he touched her breasts and butt and sucked on her nipple and that was it. She didn't touch him which makes no sense to me. I know none of this matters. I'm not stupid. I'm just angry and sad and I feel like the person I have been madly in love with for almost five years is not who I thought he was. And I feel like it was really mean for him to tell me a month after I confessed to kissing my ex.

Blah. You two are so dependent on drama in the relationship - be that as it may. It is a fighting relationship, a mistrusting relationship, a think about only yourself relationship - shoot, put any negative connotation or word in front of the word "relationship" and that will describe you two.

Seriously is that what you want? Maybe it is but I know I couldn't do it. You two are bad for each other and should go your separate ways. Life is too short for all that drama.

Honey, get a job, move out and go to college. You deserve better.