I have been married for many years. & we just found out that my husband has another child by another women that no one was aware of until recently. We have a child together. And this child was born out of previous ( not serious relationship). Prior to our child. But the mother never told anyone until now!! This has been a total shock to me & my husband. This child/person is now a adult, married and has children of their own. Grew up thinking the man that married their mom was their dad. But now wants to be part of my husbands life.
I like to think of myself as a very kind and caring person, but am so shattered and unwilling to except or share my life, my family with the person.
My husband has not contacted or attempted to be a part of their life. But it still upsets me, that this has happened. It is not fair to them, to my husband or our family. I feel everyone blames me for not be willing to except. & I wish they would take out their shame on the child's mother.
I have tried talking to God asking for answers as to how to deal. & am still so hurt and afraid that it will take away from my life "my FAMILY". I feel they should go on with their life as they have known, their family. It's been way to long in years to go back now.

So this child wants contact, and it's upsetting you? Yes, the child is now an adult, that child grew up thinking that someone else was his/her father, only to find out that their entire life was a lie.

Your husband didn't know about this child, but he knows now. Does he want contact? He doesn't have to have it if he doesn't want it, but it should be his decision, and your anger towards this child shouldn't prevent him from contacting a child that is his if that's what he wants to do. If you make it difficult for him, that's wrong.

You're being very selfish. That's my opinion.

I think you are on the wrong side.

I don't understand why you are being so worried "am still so hurt and afraid that it will take away from my life 'my FAMILY'." Your hurt? From what?
Your husband's son was lied to by thinking that his mother's husband is his actual father.
Your husband was not told that he had a son up until now.
They were both lied to, they went through the same problem. Also, how is this going to ruin your family? It is only a father son relationship, unless I am missing something here.

Is his son a trouble maker? Is there something wrong with him? Have you ever meet him once? Do you know what kind person he is? Don't predict what is going to happen, when you can't even answer any of these questions. Don't over work yourself ,just relax, and put all these negative thoughts aside, and rethink this situation by reviewing the things that you know.
DON'T predict, this will tangle your thoughts with negativity.

Wow what a selfish reaction.

You should continue these thoughts and behaviors so that it totally wrecks your relationship and you go through a painful divorce. I mean that is what you want, correct? You sure are heading that way.

Okay, you have had a reaction that is all about you. How horrid would it be to get to know this person, allow your husband to get to know this person, and give your child a half brother? My guess is it wouldn't be horrid at all.

So stop being selfish, think of the others involved, and do the right thing.

I agree. It does sound selfish, but I can see your pain. However, be willing to share your husband or else, he's going to eventually blame you for now encouraging this. I think your problem is that you are a prideful person who's embarrassed that your perfect little family has become like people you think are beneath you. Let's face it. I would be embarrassed if I had a perfect family and now this drama has hit my life. However, God requires up to be humble and to love everyone. My cousin went through the same thing with her husband. Years later, the son who was a college junior died. Now think if my cousin would have prevented her husband/son relationship because of her selfishness? Her husband would be blaming her now. So receive this in love... get over yourself and don't worry about what people think or say. They will judge you, but in the end, who cares. This is your life, be happy and enjoy your new family.