I quit smoking 8 years ago. Four years ago I fell off the wagon, but I kept it from my husband who demanded that I quit smoking in the first place. He came home from work early one day and caught me smoking and our marriage has never been the same! He says because I lied to him about smoking, he wonders if our 34 year marriage was a lie? I have Multiple Sclerosis and I have a very difficult time getting around, and I am fatigued almost everyday! I hate it, but I have to deal with it and do the best I can! I have quit smoking again, because my husband said that he was going to divorce me if I don't.

Now, he is picking on me because of my weight. I gained 10 lbs. since I quit (for good)! I am 5' 6" and weigh 128lbs. I used to weigh 118lbs.

I hope that I am making sense? I am giving you the condensed version. He also has become very emotionally abusive with threats and put downs!

Help!!

Um... you were lying to yourself about the smoking part...


Why do I say that... you can tell if someone's been smoking... you can't hide it.. the odor lingers on your clothes.. the stench remains on your breath. He doesn't have to catch you with a cigarette in your mouth to know it.

I can smell a smoker within seconds of being within a few feet of them.

He knew but wasn't throwing it in your face at the time.

But he got tired of being lied to about that, got upset and he is showing that now.

Few people can turn off being upset like a light when they are generally upset.

So... how long has it been since you actually quit for good, and not just pretend quit? That actually has some bearing on this... because it establishes how long this has been going on. If its been weeks... or if its been years makes a huge difference.

Honesty is best. I tried to hide smoking and made things worse.

He may have a point with lying about smoking, but you still shouldn't allow emotional, or verbal abuse.

You need to own the lying and smoking. Quit for real - particularly with an autoimmune disease, adding a major health risk makes no sense for you. Your weight is not too high unless you're well under 5' tall. If your husband teases you about it or complains, I think it's perfectly appropriate to tell him to go to H***.

Your husband is abusive. You need to tell him, "You threatened to leave me if I smoke. I'm telling you that I'm leaving YOU if you remain abusive. I'm done being tormented. I should have quit and shouldn't have lied but I did because it's hard. Support me or get out of the way."

You need a backbone. You need to stand up to yourself when you are inclined to cheat on the smoking or lie, and you need to stand up to him when he's being a jerk.

I can't get past "my husband demanded" and someone the OP caved in to that demand.

The husband is a bully.

The question is what next?

He has the problems a H*ll of a lot more serious than yours. He should be helping you, not adding to your stress.
And actually, trying to smoke and hide it from others is for some- a good way to quit. As you smoke less and less, you get to the point where you can smell the odor on yourself, and you keep trying to cover up and/or wash away the odor, and it eventually becomes more trouble to smoke than to quit.

He demanded? Now he's verbally and emotionally abusive because you felt you had to lie because he demanded something you couldn't do?

Yes you lied, but frankly, I don't blame you. It was never your choice to quit, which makes quitting even harder, almost impossible.

This guy isn't worth it. He's holding this over your head, when it's really his fault that you couldn't fulfill his demands to begin with. A marriage isn't about demanding that one person do something to please the other. It's about being partners, helping each other, motivating each other. He never did that, and he's not doing that now.

He said he would divorce for smoking that's ridiculous it's cigarettes not crack. So you lied about it so what he sounds kind of abusive as well making fun of your weight and making threats if I where you I'd tell him to blow it out his a**