Ask Me Help Desk - How to find a partner when you are young with two kids?

How to find a partner when you are young with two kids?

I am 23 next month and have a three year old ans a two year old. I lost my virginity to their father and still love him. He was emotionally abusive.
A little about me. I am 5'10", 140 lbs, bust-41" waist-28" hips-43", 34DD, half american indian half irish. I have green eyes and large pouty lips. I am dorky and brainy. I like anime, dungeons and dragons, magic cards, comic books, buff the vampire slayer, video games, reading, tarrot, astrology, palmastry, etc.
I write fiction, poetry, and songs. I sing, I draw. I went to college for theatre. I love animals. I also like to party. I get told I am gorgeous but I am also verry weird.
Guys seem to reject me. The only ones who seem to like me are way below my leaugue. This sounds shallow but I am quite attractive I should be able to be with someone who is also attractive right?
If a suiter does take an interest it short lived. I can't seem to find a partner that cares about me. With all my quirks.
I get told to date older guys because they are the only ones who will deal with kids. A little over a year ago I tried. But he was old and borring. When my kids were home he would tolerate hanging around the house watching dora and playing with barbies. My kids liked him and he liked them so I thought maybe I could force myself to like him. But I never mentioned our relationship to anyone because he embarrassed me.
My kids are gone every Friday and Saturday so I want to get wild and be young. I had just turned 21. This is where we quarelled. He was pissed that on those nights the first thing I wanted to do was drink. He said he did enough drinking as a teenaager and he was over it. But I had very strict parents and had never been able to drink until I was 21 so I was loving it. So we broke up. He only appealed to my lifestyle I had when my kids were around.
I like to get so drunk I lose my shirt and forget my name but absolutely never "put out". I make guys wait for that.
Then a year later I met a guy two years younger than me. He was more experienced in life than me though. He had a son in high school that he put up for adoption and regretted it. I thought I had found the perfect match. He partied hard with me on the weekend and then spent time with my kids. He fell for me hard and then at three months broke up with me. He was jealous of my children's father. Some me and this boy remained good friends.
Then I dated another guy same situation. Babydaddy harassed him we broke up.
Then I dated another guy he adored me wanted to spend time. But didn't want to meet my kids. So I ended it.
Then I got back with my children's father. After a few months he dumped me. Says he can't stand me.
And that seems to be the common opinion. I am unlovable. I am carring and sweet but am on some meds for anxiety. I have baggage. I was abused as a child. I can't get a guy to want me for more than a one night stand. I have never consented to one. And once they realize I won't they move on.
I just want a partner to help me clean the house and pay the bills and take care of the kids. And to make sure I make it home safe from the bar. To have feelings for me and let me pick what we watch on TV. He has to be attractive and not old or annoying. I don't even have to like him. Feelings just mess me up anyway.
Why am I not the girl guys desire to date and how do I change to become that. I am sick of being undesired and uncared about.

I have seen men walk up to a beautiful woman in a bar, hit on her, and literally walk away the second she says she has kids. So that's one thing.
Another is that you are letting your ex intimidate guys. You don't seem to be over each other, even after his need to be in your kids' lives.
Third, you are a bit overdoing your looks. Telling us your measurements and how you have pouty lips when you are here asking about relationships sounds almost like you are advertising. Maybe you are attracting guys below your league because of the way you dress and act and have all your social contact in bars. If your double Ds are bursting the seams and are the first thing they see, you are going to scare a lot of good ones away.
You also seem sort of jaded about relationships when you say you just want someone to help pay the bills and let you pick the TV shows. Good grief, I'd be out of there in a day. We all have to compromise!
Try a different way to meet men, something more brainy than bars.

You are meeting men in the wrong places and it seems you want one for the wrong reason. You are advertising yourself and they are buying it for a while. It all sounds rather shallow. When you have a serious reason for a relationship, perhaps you will meet a serious person.
Sounds like you're lonely and want to party. You're young and I can understand that, but you also have kids. Do you work, take classes? Maybe you need something to do outside of your kids.
You need to get over your ex before you start trying to hook up with someone else. This is reckless and desperate behavior.

In short you are interesting person but you must get over ex. Because this new relationship will involved your kids. Your sounding like that you need fun, that's not wrong. But you have to get into more serious relationship. And such guys are rare. But certainly not impossible to get, instead of bars I guess some other places you should see and visit. Good luck.

Rural community not much else but bars. And the help pay for things part is important because my children's father never worked so I paid for everything and I won't do that again.

So you want a sugar daddy you're halfway attracted to? Why should a man help you with the care of your kids?

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

rural community not much else but bars. And the help pay for things part is important because my childrens father never worked so i payed for everything and I wont do that again.

And I met none of the guys at a bar by the way. I met them at a benefit, through friends, or at a tattoo party.

If you really looking forward for serious relationship then there are many sites where you can find people with similar interest and background.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

and i met none of the guys at a bar btw. I met them at a benifit, through friends, or at a tattoo party.

What about taking a course or two at a community college?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I have seen men walk up to a beautiful woman in a bar, hit on her, and literally walk away the second she says she has kids. So that's one thing.
Another is that you are letting your ex intimidate guys. You don't seem to be over each other, even after his need to be in your kids' lives.
Third, you are a bit overdoing your looks. Telling us your measurements and how you have pouty lips when you are here asking about relationships sounds almost like you are advertising. Maybe you are attracting guys below your league because of the way you dress and act and have all your social contact in bars. If your double Ds are bursting the seams and are the first thing they see, you are going to scare a lot of good ones away.
You also seem sort of jaded about relationships when you say you just want someone to help pay the bills and let you pick the TV shows. Good grief, I'd be out of there in a day. We all have to compromise!
Try a different way to meet men, something more brainy than bars.

I actually dress boyish often but I needed to add the looks part because that is not the issue. Even under a tee you can't really hide my curves.
Also I live way out in the country. All there is to do is bars. The nearest walmart or hospital is an hour away.
And guys below your leaugue are always going to be attracted to u. That's the nature of them being below u. And the help pay the bills is a later desire for when we get serious and live together. My children's father didn't work so I supported him and I won't do that again. If I guy lives with me he better pay his portion. And the let me pick part. My children's father would only listen to what he liked on the radeo and watch what he liked on the TV. It was very selfish and if I have a new partner I would like to be able to watch my shows with out it turning into a fight.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

So you want a sugar daddy you're halfway attracted to? Why should a man help you with the care of your kids?

I do not want a sugardaddy! But if a partner lives with me I expect them to pay their portion of the bills. Why should they live off me for free just because I have kids? If I didn't have kids they would be expected to help pay the bills?

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

I do not want a sugardaddy! But if a partner lives with me I expect them to pay their portion of the bills. Why should they live off me for free just because I have kids? If I didnt have kids they would be expected to help pay the bills?

How well will you know the guy and how long will you be dating before you invite a guy to live with you? It's not good to get your children confused with "daddies" coming and going.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How well will you know the guy and how long will you be dating before you invite a guy to live with you? It's not good to get your children confused with "daddies" coming and going.

That's is the end goal not an immediate thing. I would say it take 6 Months to know whether you can make a it long term relation but a year before you can trust that that's what they want as well. So around a year. But to get to that point I have to become a more desirable mate. So what aspects do I need to suppress what do I need to enhance. Its obvious I need to change myself to be more attractive but how do I do that whithout changing myself too much to where I am unhappy?

I also do not wish to date a guy older than 25. I am still young and find youth attractive. I need to date a guy my age. I am sure that is also part of the problem. Young guys don't get serious often.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

Its obvious I need to change myself to be more attractive but how do I do that whithout changing myself too much to where I am unhappy?

You have to focus on the other person, not on yourself. You are too egotistic at this point and too involved with how you look physically. What does your soul look like? You also have to get that ex out of your head.

I'm sorry but to let us know that your good looks isn't an issue, all you have to do is say that you are attractive. Twice now in two posts you have given your measurements, and made it clear that you like to be wild on the weekends and 'lose your shirt.' It doesn't matter that you don't put out if all the nice guys think you do.
You have also glossed right over the fact that you let your ex drive away the two guys who might have worked out. You are dwelling on where you live and what you wear.
You want to watch what you want to make up for your ex's habits. That's not fair to the nice guy who expects and has a right to compromise.
In other words, it really sounds to me anyway that there is something in you that makes excuses, and wants it this way, and you don't really want to find a nice guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You have to focus on the other person, not on yourself. You are too egotistic at this point and too involved with how you look physically. What does your soul look like? You also have to get that ex out of your head.

Actually am a door mat with guys. I am quite shy and blush easy. I stated my appearance because it is a fact not an opinion and an important one because everyguy I have spoken to has stated that looks are what attracts them first, then personality.
When I say desirable I do not mean physically. I mean that a desirable mate has certain attributes. I have been told these attributes and the contradict themselves.
A man wants a girl who needs him, a man wants a girl who is independent
A man wants a girl with a career, a man wants a girl to cook and clean.
A man wants a girl who is smart, a man wants to be the smartest
A man wants a strong woman, A man wants a sweet woman
A man wants to chase, a man doesn't want to chase too hard.

A man will not be with a girl he does not find physically attractive but he will not stay if he does not find other things attractive. I am in no way egotistical. I don't wear make up or spend a lot of time doing my hair. I do not brag about my appearance. I just felt that it was relevant information in order to discount looks from being one of the possible causes.

And to be honest if I can become a more desirable life partner maybe my ex will not hate me as much. And he can be the mate I attract.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

and to be honest if i can become a more desirable life partner maybe my ex will not hate me as much. And he can be the mate I attract.

Why oh why would you want him back in your life??

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why oh why would you want him back in your life??????

I still care for him deeply. I still get butterflies. I know I'M MAD DUMB.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

i still care for him deeply. I still get butterflies. I know I'M MAD DUMB.

I gave him everything you can give person and it didn't matter.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

i gave him everything you can give person and it didnt matter.

That is not what a woman is supposed to do. No wonder it didn't work.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That is not what a woman is supposed to do. No wonder it didn't work.

I can't be too giving and too selfish. You have said both about me so far? Which one is the problem. I do too much for guys or I expect too much?

And what is a woman supposed to do then because obiously I am unaware or I would not have started this thread?