Hi, I have recently discovered that one of my best friends cuts herself. A couple of weeks ago she told me that she used to cut herself, but that she stopped last year. She is 15 years old. Yesterday I discovered a fresh cut on her arm. I tried to ask about it, but she didn't want to talk about. I didn't want to pressure her, so I just said "I'm not gonna force you to tell me about it, i just wanna let you know that i'm here if you wanna talk." I have also said several times said that if she ever feels the urge to cut herself, then pick up the phone instead and call me. But she just doesn't seem to want to talk about it and every time I bring it up, she just gets mad at me and tells me that I'm overreacting.

Also, she doesn't eat. She is prescribed to Adderall and it makes her not hungry, so usually she doesn't eat anything all day. I sometimes try to offer her food at lunch, but she just won't eat. Lately, she has lost a lot of weight, so I kind of freaked out on her and gave her a huge lecture and I told her that I think she might be anorexic. She got really mad at me and said I was overreacting.

She has also seemed very depressed lately. She just doesn't want to do anything. She is negative about most things. And I know that both depression and anorexia are side effects of adderall. Sometimes she will take 2 or 3 of her adderall pills per day, even though she is only supposed to take one each morning. And she's failing almost all of her classes...

I really don't know what to do. I have never had a friend with these problems, and I have tried reading about this online, but I still can't figure out what to do. Most pages say to just talk to my friend and let her know that I'm here, or find her some professional help or talk to a school counsellor... But it's just not that easy. She doesn't want help. She doesn't even want to talk about it. And she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, so telling her parents would just make it worse. I also tried talking to one of my other friends about it, who is also her friend. But he doesn't seem worried at all, and he's kind of defending her, which I find really weird. I feel like I am the only one who sees this as an actual problem. I can't just pretend that I don't know about it and do nothing.

Sorry for writing so much, but I just wanted to make sure that I explained the situation well enough. I hope that someone can help me with this problem, cause I can't keep watching my friend hurt herself.

Thank you for taking your time to read this!

Her parents or the school nurse really are the ones to tell. Even if you were an adult, you can't take this on yourself. You are handling it admirably, about the best you could, so you can feel OK about that, despite the frustration you must be feeling that you aren't doing anything. She isn't being fair to you. Think - she lets her fresh cut show but then expects you to ignore it! This is like calling someone up to say 'I'm going to kill myself - go away.' Wanting help, not wanting it.
If you continue to try to be the one to help her, this will take it's toll on you. She will be angry when you tell, but that's the way it goes. You know best who to tell. I would tell both her parents and the school.

I am pretty sure that she would never speak to me again if I told her parents, and neither would any of our other friends. Her parents would just rage at her and make it worse. But she isn't going to kill herself. She is not that way at all. In fact, she is a very confident girl. She just went through some really tough things when she was younger.

But isn't there any way that I can try to help her before I tell an adult?

This is one of those times when you have to risk losing the friendship. I know how you feel, truly. I once had my own brother arrested. I love him but he was killing himself with drugs, and was risking his life. I needed to get him off the street and he was so deep into his addiction and depression, he could not listen to reason. When he had no drugs on him but did have a pipe in his pocket, I worked with the police cooperatively to get him put into a 24 hour hold at a rehabilitation facility. He hated me for a long time. He said I betrayed him, put him in hell and more. He said he would never speak to me again. Well, that was then.

When he got out of his problems, he realized that my actions saved his life and gave him a chance to turn things around. He is now engaged and he and his fiancé have asked me to read a poem at their wedding. They are an older couple and are not having a bridal party and all that, and I am the only person who has been asked to play such a role. The credit me with their chance at happiness.

You are at the same point I was at when my brother was in deep depression and living dangerously. You may feel that your friend would never commit suicide, but I am here to tell you she is exibiting all the signs. You know your friend and SHE probably wouldn't. However, she is under the influence of drug abuse and also is clearly in a deep depression. These things take over the mind, and you are then not dealing with your friend. You are dealing with drugs and depression, which are a lethal combination.

I recommend that you do talk to a school counselor or nurse. If your friend confront you, be confident and not apologetic. Tell her, "I am trying to be the best friend to you I can. I would rather that you hate me and live than love me and die. That's the choice you gave me." It's that simple.

A good friend would not hide these behaviors for her. She is hiding these behaviors out of fear. She needs in patient treatment, far more than you can do for her as a teenager.

Practice tough love. Her parents are going to react, of course. She needs that to happen. When they understand she's cutting, behaving in an anorexic manner and also overdosing on her meds, they will be forced to get her to counselors and medical doctors who will teach them how to manage her circumstances properly. This will never be resolved without the knowledge and involvement of her parents, even if they are imperfect.

I was going to stay out of this thread as I have been on both sides of the fence. I used to self injure.
Self injury does not mean suicidal BUT feelings can get so bad that it becomes a thought. Self injury is a negative coping mechanism. People don't have another way to cope so they self injure.
What you can do for your friend and yourself: Remember only do what you can handle as you need to care for yourself.
1. Tell her you understand she is in pain and if she wants to talk you will listen
2. Call a help line for you to talk to someone. They are anonymous
3. Refer her to a website Bodies Under Siege. They are a website for people who self injure. There are forums and lots of resources. It is not a place to post pics of injuries or lean how to do it. I belonged to that forum for quite a while. There is even a forum for friends and family.
4. Realize that she may not have the words to tell you how she feels. Most times when people see the self harm it is by accident. I used to hate when people told me I was showing them on purpose. NO I would even wear long sleeve shirts in the summer.
5. Most important: Know your limits on what you can handle. Self injury is hard to handle for friends and the person who does it.
6. Let her know she has control over her life and whether to get help or not. You could even print off some places she can call or contact for help.

I still think you should at least tell ONE adult, perhaps the school nurse, at least about the Adderall. If she is taking it on school property, that may be a serious violation. What if it is found out that you know about that? What if she dies from an OD of Adderall? That is a dangerous drug containing amphetamine - speed. Even if she collapses from racing heart, you will feel more guilt for not telling than if you do.

I would tell her matter of factly that you have to tell the nurse. Yes, she will hate you for a while.

I am not being over cautious. Between too much speed and not eating, something bad is bound to give soon.

I am very, very sympathetic to a situation where parents just take a child to a doctor and say fix her, and then get upset when some drug or another doesn't do anything good, and possibly is very bad for her. Designer diagnoses like ADDHD and designer drugs, ugh. She needs good talk therapy, I'll bet. Please don't quote me; I am not a doctor and know nothing about her personally, just reading about thousands of kids like her.

Yes, whether she intends to commit suicide or not, that is the path she's on. Not eating puts a tremendous strain on the heart. Most girls who die of anorexia actually die of heart failure. Excessive adderal also puts a huge strain on the heart. If she's overdosing on it, she's probably using it as a diet aid because it does work like speed. If she is doing this, she does not have ADHD and does not need it. In a person who actually needs these meds for ADHD, it works the opposite that it does in the rest of us. For me, an adderal would give me a high like 10 cups of coffee. For my son who has ADHD, it's calming. Your friend is probably not sleeping properly, either. This is another strain on the heart.

So yes, you must tell the school nurse, your parents, her parents, or a counselor at school. She can't be much of a friend to you anyway, or even receive your friendship very well, if she's living this way. You have nothing to loose by telling. But how will you feel if she dies and you said nothing? Just tell and let the cards fall where they may. Again, if she gets mad - and she will, tell her you chose her life over your friendship as an act of love. Tell her if you did this wrong, you still did what you felt was the most responsible thing to do. If she can't accept that, it's her illness talking and you need to see it for what it is.

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Originally Posted by DasySmith

Try to understand her feelings, if you are going to inform her parents about any personal thing she will get more pain from you also, and she will not share anything with you again instead spent more time with her, try to divert her mind, go for small picnics, share your funny incidence with her so she will feel better.

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Sorry but this is irresponsible, terrible advice. This girl needs professional medical and psychological treatment from adults. The original poster needs to turn this over to responsible adults.

Your advice, if used instead of telling adults, will most likely involve a quicker end of the friendship because this girl is going to die if she doesn't get professional help immediately.

When a teenager is hiding this type of behavior from parents, it's usually because it's a really stupid, irresponsible thing to do that risks their entire future. A good friend at any age does not protect and aid their friends in doing this kind of nonsense.

If you aren't willing to let a friend get mad at you for doing the right thing for them, you are not a friend. If my friends were suicidal, what they thought of me would be the least of my worries. I would do all I could to save their life, whether they hated me for doing it or not.