I have a grandson, parents were unwed. Everything has had to go through court for the father. Establish paternity, temporary visitation, child support, insurance, & lastly perm. Parenting plan. Father was never given the opportunity to sign the birth certificate and the mother says she will not change the child's surname from her maiden name although the father is very involved. In TN, it is the law that the mother can do this & if a judge overturns it in court---she has the right to make an appeal. TN laws on children are to be "the best interest of child". Therefore it seems that TN needs to change this law for the ftahers out there who are involved, supporting their children, visiting, etc. versus the dead beat dads. This is ridiculous!! Does anyone know of any other way around this issue than the mother's choice in TN? The child will be 1 year old in a couple of weeks.

You are saying that, in the final analysis, it's up to the courts. What "other way" do you imagine there might possibly be? Ask the legislature to enact a law changing your grandson's name? Theoretically possible I suppose, but it won't happen.

Let's see - the child lives with the mother, has the mother's surname.

How does it benefit the child to have the last name of the father?

This is not a case where you support a child and, therefore, "buy" naming rights.

Did the birth father realize the birth mother could be difficult when he was having sex with her?

Here in Tenn, where I live, the mother had the option of giving the child the father's surname. All he had to do was sign an Affidavit of Paternity and provide identification to the personnel at the hospital that does the birth certificate paperwork. Apparently the mother of your grandchild opted out of this.

I don't see that this child not having your son's last name is a problem. I suppose I'm missing something.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Let's see - the child lives with the mother, has the mother's surname.

How does it benefit the child to have the last name of the father?

This is not a case where you support a child and, therefore, "buy" naming rights.

Did the birth father realize the birth mother could be difficult when he was having sex with her?

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I guess as much thought as she gave it during their consensual, multiple, sexual interludes!

You misunderstood my question - he doesn't appear to be the one who is being difficult. She is. I asked if he gave any thought to her future behavior when he was having sex with her, not what she was thinking.

She apparently isn't the one with the problem with the name.

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I don't see that this child not having your son's last name is a problem. I suppose I'm missing something.

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In some ethnic and cultural groups if a child does not bear his father's surname/ last name, the child is not considered as a member of his/her father's extended family.