Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend does not want to have sex anymore

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We have lived together for a year as well. I am 20, he is 32. When we first got together we weren't serious, just lovers. And we continued to make love multiple times a day for the past year and a half or so of our relationship. Things are mostly fine with us, other than this. Lately, he doesn't even touch me sexually. He's constantly telling me we will have sex tonight after work. Then bedtime rolls around and he tells me he's too tired, but he loves me. He is very intimate with me, always kissing and holding my hand. He even bought me a really sweet picture frame for my desk at work yesterday, so I know that he is still interested in me in at least some way. It has been about a month since we have slept together. He isn't on any medication. His job is just as stressful as it has been the entire length of our relationship (he has worked at the same awful place). I just need help. I have tried seducing him, and sometimes he will mess around with me, but usually only until I finish. He doesn't. Other times, he won't engage at all, rather just go to sleep or get on his computer.

Have you asked him what's going on? It's possible that this is a medical issue? Has he seen a doctor? If he fools around with you to the point where you "finish" and he's not aroused by that, it sounds like something is going on with the equipment. Maybe he physically can't have sex with you right now.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Have you asked him what's going on? It's possible that this is a medical issue? Has he seen a doctor? If he fools around with you to the point where you "finish" and he's not aroused by that, it sounds like something is going on with the equipment. Maybe he physically can't have sex with you right now.

He never ever goes to the doctor. Maybe I can ask him to.. I just feel like I don't want to pressure him because if he doesn't want to I shouldn't make him. I just keep remembering how much we USED to make love, for such a long time and now suddenly it just has stopped. Honestly it makes me feel pretty unattractive or just not sexy.

I'm pretty sure it's not you. Sex doesn't equal love. If he's stressed, tired, having sex is sometimes too much effort. It could be stress, it could be that he's not able to maintain or even get an erection right now. He's not 20, he's 35. It happens. It happens more often than most women are aware of.

Think of it this way. If you had a medical condition that made sex impossible, wouldn't you hope that he'd understand?

Not that I'm saying this is a medical condition. There's really absolutely no way to tell you what's going on, we can only guess. He'll need to go to a doctor if my guess is right. If it's not a medical issue, stress and being tired can have a huge effect on a persons libido. Just because he's worked at the same place for years, doesn't mean that the stress level is always the same.

Talk to him. Don't start with "we used to make love all the time and we don't now and I'm upset about it", be understanding, tell him you're concerned, not only for him, but your relationship. Tell him that you're feeling unloved. Be kind about it, not confrontational. This is where communication is important in a relationship. Time for you to communicate, in a productive way, with the man you love. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I'm pretty sure it's not you. Sex doesn't equal love. If he's stressed, tired, having sex is sometimes too much effort. It could be stress, it could be that he's not able to maintain or even get an erection right now. He's not 20, he's 35. It happens. It happens more often than most women are aware of.

Think of it this way. If you had a medical condition that made sex impossible, wouldn't you hope that he'd understand?

Not that I'm saying this is a medical condition. There's really absolutely no way to tell you what's going on, we can only guess. He'll need to go to a doctor if my guess is right. If it's not a medical issue, stress and being tired can have a huge effect on a persons libido. Just because he's worked at the same place for years, doesn't mean that the stress level is always the same.

Talk to him. Don't start with "we used to make love all the time and we don't now and I'm upset about it", be understanding, tell him you're concerned, not only for him, but your relationship. Tell him that you're feeling unloved. Be kind about it, not confrontational. This is where communication is important in a relationship. Time for you to communicate, in a productive way, with the man you love. :)

Thank you for the advice. I will try and discuss it with him again in a non threatening way. I would never want to be pushy or negative. I am sure if that is the case he is probably embarrassed, which in turn probably makes the issue even worse. Wish me luck.

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Originally Posted by crazylove7

Thank you for the advice. I will try and discuss it with him again in a non threatening way. I would never want to be pushy or negative. I am sure if that is the case he is probably embarrassed, which in turn probably makes the issue even worse. Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Be sensitive, and understanding. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and you'll do just fine. :)