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-   -   I still think about my ex every day (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=738990)

  • Mar 13, 2013, 12:08 PM
    Alwayslalala
    I still think about my ex every day
    So it's been over two years since we broke up and I'm still not over my ex. We dated throughout college for about 4 yrs on and off. He was my life, my everything, and I sort of resent him for that. I gave up on my friends, hobbies, passions all because I was so infatuated with him. When we broke up, I had nothing, no one. His friends were my "friends". I was apart of his social life but had none of my own. Even though I rebuilt my life and have a new set of friends etc.. I still get lonely and long for him. He moved on and got a new girlfriend months after we broke up. He seemed to have really loved her and that probably hurt me the most. He broke up with me because our lives were so intertwined that we were losing our own sense of identities. We had our issues when we were together and that mostly stemmed from his overly-friendly contact with exes. But when he was with his last girlfriend, we barely saw or contacted each other. Our relationship was very appropriate considering he had a new girlfriend. That really hurt! When we were together he always talked about how important his relationships with his exes were, but when I became his ex he just threw me to the curb. We recently have hung out more and have even hooked up a few times. I still love him so much! And I think what I want, even more than to be back with him, is to know that he still loves me too. Or that he ever did love me. It's like I'm competing with his last girlfriend to see where I stand. They still hang out pretty regularly too, and she's still pretty close to his family. How do I get him out of my head? Oh and I've never had any relationship, besides hook ups, with anyone since him.
  • Mar 13, 2013, 12:12 PM
    fredg
    You can do it. Being married is almost the same when one leaves. All the friends are "both" friends, and places you go were gone to by both.
    You can get over this, by meeting others. Smile, be honest and respectful, and you will meet other people. It does take time. I am 71 yrs old, married 30 yrs, and now wife has passed away. I have a girlfriend, my age, and you will find someone, too. Good luck.
  • Mar 13, 2013, 12:20 PM
    talaniman
    Quote:
    We recently have hung out more and have even hooked up a few times. I still love him so much! And I think what I want, even more than to be back with him, is to know that he still loves me too. Or that he ever did love me. It's like I'm competing with his last girlfriend to see where I stand. They still hang out pretty regularly too, and she's still pretty close to his family. How do I get him out of my head? Oh and I've never had any relationship, besides hook ups, with anyone since him.
    You may have broken up two years ago but continuing to see him has kept old feelings very much alive, so all you lost was a petty title, but not the contact.

    When the contact ends finally, then, and only then, can a proper healing take place. That does mean stop those meaningless hook ups also. Have fun with others and save the sex for real opportunities, not just LUST to hide heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, or confusion. Hook ups have become your feel good for the moment, haven't they?
  • Mar 13, 2013, 01:08 PM
    Alwayslalala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You may have broken up two years ago but continuing to see him has kept old feelings very much alive, so all you lost was a petty title, but not the contact.

    When the contact ends finally, then, and only then, can a proper healing take place. That does mean stop those meaningless hook ups also. Have fun with others and save the sex for real opportunities, not just LUST to hide heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, or confusion. Hook ups have become your feel good for the moment, haven't they?
    Well I wouldn't really say the hook ups numb any feelings or even feel good when compared to the hurt that I feel due to the break up. They really were just about sex. I'm not trying to make up for my ex. Sex with the ex is so different, so much more passionate. I know I won't find that with these "hookups". I just have needs. I was with the same guy for 6 months. We were friends, had fun together, but I never wanted anything more. Just broke it off cause I'm honestly not even attracted to him anymore.

    As for the no contact thing... It's hard! He was my best friend. He was like family. Like if your mom hurts you, you're not just write her off and never speak to get again. You have a love for her that you can't break. He is a really good guy. And there are lots of things that I still admire about him.

    I really just want to be his friend again. I want to be important to him again. I don't want to be his girlfriend again. I just want to know that I'm just as special as all those other girls. I understand how that can be confusing and I probably should try to avoid contact with him for a while.

    Thanks to both of you for responding! I never talk about my feelings regarding this situation to anyone cause I feel kind of ridiculous. It's been over 2 yrs and its old news. But just expressing how I feel is already helping me put things in perspective.
  • Mar 13, 2013, 04:34 PM
    talaniman
    You are just to close to your feelings to be objective in your own behalf. I understand the feelings a broke up causes, and stress very strongly your need to put this behind you, and stand on your own and not be defined by HIS good graces.

    Even you have to see competing with his exes is NOT healthy, nor is wishing for him to acknowledge your status among them. Give yourself a chance to heal and gain yourself control back without his influence.

    That's what NO MORE CONTACT with him is about.
  • Mar 13, 2013, 10:15 PM
    Alwayslalala
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You are just to close to your feelings to be objective in your own behalf. I understand the feelings a broke up causes, and stress very strongly your need to put this behind you, and stand on your own and not be defined by HIS good graces.

    Even you have to see competing with his exes is NOT healthy, nor is wishing for him to acknowledge your status among them. Give yourself a chance to heal and gain your self control back without his influence.

    Thats what NO MORE CONTACT with him is about.
    Yes I do understand that none of it is good for me. I never had more than a couple months of no contact with him, so maybe I should focus more on avoiding him all together. It'll be really hard but I know it's what I have to do. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure ill be back on here soon looking for some help about how to get a new man. Haha

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