I have 2 great kids and my wife has cheated on me twice and she has admitted it and the last time she said that she would never do it again and now I think she is but I can't prove it this time. I don't want to leave because of the kids, and I would hate to leave now and she isn't cheating, I don't know what to do.

One of my employee's is having this problem as well. A lot of people immediately turn to the "what of the children". But you also have to consider your mental and emotional well being as well. You could try to figure out why should would cheat on you in the first place and correct it, if it's correctable. i.e. I'm not home enough; take her out more. But however if it is merely she no longer cares about you, she would be denying a part of herself, her children. This is a stressful time, try to keep your head about you.

Hi, I feel so sorry for what your going through! Maybe you two just need counseling and her problem with cheating is not you, but her. Is she a gemini?

Hi ithinkso, if it is a fact that she cheats, never fall into the conclusion that it's because of you - but helping her help herself is of another matter and is something you could also try looking into.

Come hell or high water, base your decisions for the kids - what you need to do is sit down, talk to your kids, and explain to them how wonderful their mother is. Try it ;)

Hi ithinkso,

First of all, I'm so very sorry to hear what you're going through. I know this must be a very difficult and emotionally taxing situation for you.

While it does take 2 to make or break a relationship -- you do need to understand that her decision to cheat is not your fault. Whether you did something to help make this situation what it is or not, can not and does not excuse her decision to cheat. She had a decision to make and she made the wrong one.

The problem here is the trust factor. Trust is one of the keys to a successful relationship that once broken is terribly difficult to regain. Some can move past those issues and some can not. My advice is to really sit down with your wife. Talk to her about how you're feeling, and even though it may be difficult to speak your mind and open up your emotions, do your best to convey what's in your heart. She needs to understand that every action has consequences. If she is serious about making your marriage work, she will be committed to helping you trust her again. If that means 101 questions, she should be willing to talk with you. I am not suggesting that you harass her, badger her, or anything of that nature. In fact whatever you do, don't go there. That will only add fuel to the fire.

You do need to communicate though because in most cases, this is why cheating occurs. One person is feeling as though a need is not being met, but the husband or wife whom is being cheated on does not realize that need is even there to begin with! So when you begin to communicate effectively, that problem is resolved and you can begin the path to healing your broken relationship and trust. Since your precious children are involved here, my humble opinion is that you try everything you can to make this work. If she is also willing, seek professional marriage counselling to find where the malfunction is. If she is not, than you are put in a position of having to decide what's best for your children and for yourself. Being in a relationship that is dead, broken, and emotionally abusive (which I consider cheating to be)... it's a lot of times better to break it off unfortunately. That should be your last resort though. So, first step: have a sit down with your wife. See where she stands and let her speak her mind. Don't get angry, just listen and try your best to get to the bottom of this problem.

I hope this helps you. If you'd like further advice from me, feel free to send a PM. I sincerely pray that you are able to work this out with your wife and form a healthy environment for you & your family.

Honestly,

After the first time it happened. You should have divorced her then in my own opinion. Cheating is a break of trust. Once it is broken there is no getting it completely back. There will always be doubt there, this is not your fault but hers.

As far as the children are concerned you would have every right to get custody of them or try to and if the reason for your divorce is because of infidelity I would say that says a lot in your favour.

Do not stay with her just because of the children, that is the wrong reason to stick it out.

She already cheated twice, and you put up with it. She knows she can get away with it and still have you stay with her. Very selfish of her and she probably thinks you're a doorknob.

So I think you know deep inside what the best move is to make.

Joe

When she gives you a deadly disease, that lives your kids with out a father, then will that help you walk away? Kids any favors by staying. If anything you are setting a poor example of married life.

People always say "I want to stay because of the children"


But ask yourself this: are your children better off in an environment where they feel the energy is getting too painful and they can't be happy, relaxed or are they better off when their parents are divorced and they at least have peace at home...


Good luck.

Staying in that kind of marriage is doing the "kids" more harm than good... believe that as this goes on, there will be times when feelings are going to be bad... conversations overheard, and the kids are going to see right through the false love that you think you are portraying. Kids are very intuitive. Get out, and save yourself, and the children from a horrible marriage. You can't fake love my friend
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Listen you need to stand up for yourself and address the concerns you have. You can not continue to live with doubt and uncertainty in your life. Your emotional well being can become an issue later in your relationship. You need to tell her directly because you are concerned about not only yourself, but with her and the well being of your family. You must be the one to address the issue, and she needs to have maturity to give you the honesty that you deserve. You must address her issues as well, and tell her that you want to know exactly what she feels and why she feels the way she feels. Ask her if she is happy in your relationship and if there is anything missing. Maybe her needs are not being met emotionally. Communication is the key here, you must sit down and talk to her, hold her hand in the process and make sure you have strong eye contact. This will help you and her have good problem solving skills that are vital in a relationship. Do not ever stay in a relationship where the person you love batters you emotionally. This is sometimes worse then physical abuse because emotional negelect heals slower. It is unfortunate for your kids, but think if she negelects you, imagine the mental scars your kids could have seeing their father go through this. If a woman sees her life flash right in front of her because she is on a verge of losing her family she will either get angry or come to her senses... An angry woman is no woman at all will lose all that she loves... If she comes to her senses then you now she has gotten lost, but through your love she will find her way back to your heart. That is when you both will find love in each other again and turn all the bad into good. Good luck