My hubby and I argue a lot over everything from what's for dinner to who worked the most.. and I can't take it anymore I love him but if it keeps up I gota go.. I told him I want to go to marriage consouling but he refuses he tells me he don't need it.. we have two kids and I don't want the kids seeing arguin 24/7 and don't want to leave. But I'm starting to feel that is what is going to happen because he brings me so low and I end up crying at lease every other day.. Ijust wish there was a way for us to talk about our probs like adults. But he don't even like to talk about our probs and when we do he blames everything on me never admits to anything and it ends up being a verbal fight saying really mean things to hurt each other. So if anybody can help please tell me how I can save my marriage;) ;)

Arguing is not necessarily fighting - it's an attempt to reach a, more or less, win-win solution. However, it does take a lot of "understanding" in order to argue well - and selfishness nor egocentricity won't help.

Don't be surprised if your husband is thinking of exactly the same concerns as you are expressing here - but may be on a slightly different plane. There is always something that we fail to see - and if you really want to save the marriage, for the kids, no better way than to sit down and talk to your hubby - not to put blame nor find fault in each other, but to find out "where are we right now?". Knowing where one stands usually clears-out where you are to go. Godbless.

Why do men not want to go to counceling? I think it's because they feel like why should they share their feelings and tell their problems to someone else?
Maybe he is dealing with conflict in his own life and doesn't know how to handle it. Make him aware of how you feel. Tell him that you want to stop the fighting and that whatever it is that he is going through or causing him to be the way that he is you are there to support him and you love him no matter what.

I think people fight for many reasons. They fight because someone is having a bad day, or their partner did something to them, or they are just having issues with themselves and maybe they may get crabby because they don't knkow how to deal with it, or it could be something else.

Instead of fighting back with him and calling him names back, take him by the arm and say" Honey, I noticed we have been fighting lately and I am sorry...etc. I want to work this out. Have you been doing okay? What is happening?" Show that you love him and that you are williing to work things out. I know you would want the same in return, but if you just I think if you put things aside and just show him you care things may change.

I don't know that is what I think.

Arguing is OK as long as it gets you two to open up about issues and become aware of them, then work together to resolve them. Fighting is what I'd call it if you are simply playing the blame game and nothing gets resolved. I disagree that men in general refuse to go to counseling. Some men see it as a great relief to go somewhere and talk. Others may be scared because they don't think it is a "manly" thing to do. Still others just may not want to face whatever the problem is. I think you should go without your hubby first. A counselor might be able to help you convince him to go too. Or maybe once you go and he sees a positive change on your end, he will be more willing to try it for his part. Either way, the counselor can help give you great insight about your husband and your marriage based on what you tell him/her (so be honest!). You might be surprised what an objective third party sees that you and your husband could both be overlooking.