My teenage daughter is abusing me physically and mentally. The more I try to discipline her the more violent she becomes. It is horrible and I am at a loss of what to do. She wasn't going to school so I cut off her cell phone until she went back to school. Well, she tore my house apart and she physically and mentally abused me. I called the police on her and they had a chat with her, then she abused me again and I pushed her out of the way to leave and she called the police on me; however they saw what was going on. She will manipulate to get what she wants. She will contact my friends saying, "To stop being friends with me because I have been a since they started." It has been a night mare. My ex and I are currently divorcing, so that has been stressful, but we have settled, so things are a little better now. I am at a loss of what to do. I am physically and mentally tired. I have her in counselling, but that hasn't helped so far. If I charge her with assault on me, she will get taken away and a 'No Contact' order will be implemented, plus she could go in a group home. I was told that group homes are a horrible place to go. If anyone has any advise I would sure appreciate it.

How old is she and how long has this been going on?

You call the poilce the next time she assults you... she will be charged with assult.. she will go to a juivenile detention center... not a group home. If she destroys proterty, call the police.. she is destroying YOUR property... You paid for it, its yours.

No parent should have to put up with being abused by any kid... theirs or anyone else's.

There really is no other option... you've already tried them, and they did no good..


If she is 18 or older... evict her as well. You are under NO obligation to support an adult child.

I agree. You should not live in fear of your teen. You are doing all you can for her. What does the counselor say her problem is? Is the counselor aware of the abuse?

I commend you for getting her counseling and for calling the police. I agree with the advice to continue calling the police when she vandalizes the home and when she's abusive to you. Stick to your guns with privileges - you don't pay for a cell phone, lend a car, give money or otherwise provide any extras to someone who abuses you, even if they are your child.

I would recommend family counseling including your ex husband - you two have to get together on this and present a united front on what you expect of her, even if you don't agree on other issues. Also be sure to keep your daughter out of the divorce.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

How old is she and how long has this been going on?

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She is 13. My ex actually was charged with assault on me last July. I feel as if he is back but through her. She calls me the same names as he once did. She threatens to bash my head in as he once did. She abolutely seems like she hates me. I told her just recently that he got charged as it was wrong what he did. She said no he did that cause you're a f... ing airhead and that's why I do it now! You need help you greesy b... ch.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I agree. You should not live in fear of your teen. You are doing all you can for her. What does the counselor say her problem is? Is the counselor aware of the abuse?

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She has been diagnosed with A1 Anxiety and also Obessive Compulsive Tendicies.

She also seems violent and rude to you. She has learned some nasty behavior form your ex. Her violence toward you should not be tolerated or reinforced. She may need to be removed. Does her therapist suggest treatment? Does she know she is violent?

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Originally Posted by Hugnangel

She has been diagnosed with A1 Anxiety and also Obessive Compulsive Tendicies.

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Doesn't matter... no parent should live in fear of their kids... or be abused by them.

She may have SOME problems but she is responsible for much of her bad behavior.

You can't shelter her forever... she's going to have to face the real world and the consequences for her behavior... hopefully while you are still breathing. Which yes that's not just a hint... she might literally kill you during one of here tantrums. And it will only get worse as she gets older... bigger and stronger.

One day she will be an adult... then what?

The diagnosis serves the purpose of getting insurance coverage. More than half of teens who get out of hand have no real mental illness, just lack of discipline and lack of a constant presence of two parents, or one settled one. She probably blames you for the divorce. It's common to blame one parent or the other.
Don't let a diagnosis make you treat her with kid gloves is what I am saying, not that she doesn't 'have' something.

When my mother thought I was incorrigible 50+ years ago (I wasn't; straight As and 'nice' friends), she would say she was going to send me to reform school. It did scare me, believe it or not. Maybe it doesn't scare any teen these days. But a parent can't be wimpy and uncertain and hesitant. You make your stand clear: you treat me this way again, this is what will happen.

I don't know what is going on with today's kids. My parents have never hit me. However, I never dared to disrespect them. I have a 16 year old who started acting out since she was 11. Nothing helped. She has done everything from taking pills and ending up in the psychiatric ward to hitting me while I was pregnant. I have scars on my hands from her scratching me. I had bite marks on me. Called the police every time, they would take her to the psychiatric hospital and she would be released three days later. I pressed charges against her for assault. She slapped me in my ninth month of pregnancy because I wanted her drunk friend to leave our house, she had brought him over and he puked all over the house. Today she was taken back to juvenile hall for breaking our stove. It's a never ending story no matter what. I never defended myself because I don't believe that we as human beings are supposed to hurt one another. We have tried family therapy, she has her individual therapy, in the meantime I had to get a therapist too because it is too much for me to deal with this. She doesn't attend school because of anxiety, yet she is not anxious to go out and get drunk and high. I wish I could help you and give you advice, but I have yet to solve the same problem. The only thing I know is that it's hell to live in fear of your own child in your own home.