To summarize:

• Ran into ex for the first time, we have mutual friends
• Awkward, both of us still attracted but she is confused about her ex (we have no bad blood, but obviously I'm still attracted to her)
• I brought up some stuff about our relationship to help me understand
• Next day we texted a bit then I poured my heart out
• She was terse, still likes me but doesn't think we should see each other yet, stops texting
• Next day I apologize for the weirdness and thank her for listening and talking, but she doesn't respond like I figured

I feel great that I did that. Finally, it's been so long since the breakup, 1.5 months after a 2 month intense relationship. However, I feel bad for putting her on the spot like that. I can be very open and intense with my emotions but she was when dating and now not so open.

Do I apologize for dragging that up? Let it go and just be better next time we bump into each other, which is going to happen?

"She was terse, still likes me but doesn't think we should see each other yet, stops texting
Next day I apologize for the weirdness and thank her for listening and talking, but she doesn't respond like I figured"

Don't apologize. You've already said what you needed to say. And from your description of her communication to you, it doesn't sound like she wants anymore information out of you.

I wouldn't mention it the next time you see her either. If you feel compelled, you can make a one sentence apology such as "sorry about the way I reacted last time" or "sorry if I made you uncomfortable/made things weird." But no more than that.

The bottom line is let it go. From what you described, she has gotten over it completely and wants to move on like it didn't happen. You should too.

Man, let this go! I have read your other post about his female, and you just need to get beyond this and get control over those intense feelings.

She is confused enough as it is, and so are you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Man, let this go! I have read your other post about his female, and you just need to get beyond this and get control over those intense feelings.

She is confused enough as it is, and so are you.

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I'm trying man, easier said than done for me. I'm not asking her back or anything I'm just trying to get over being attracted to her. I didn't expect to see her and haven't even talked to her in a while. It's not easy, I'm just really intense.

Maybe I should add this is my first relationship I've ever been really into. I don't know what I'm doing, obviously.

I dated a guy briefly (as in a couple of months like your relationship) and he was convinced he loved me. AFTER we stopped seeing each other, he sent me love letters and emails almost daily. He called me. He bugged my friends for information about me and would try to make awkward conversation every time we saw each other. All of these things took me from 'simply not interested in dating him' to 'hating him.' Not only that, he genuinely scared me at times. Eventually he started dating someone else and they became his full time obsession.

Don't be like this guy unless you want to chase women away. Your ex is sending you a clear message, albeit with some possibly misleading tact, and you are simply refusing to acknowledge it. Move on.

As you know I totally agree with talaniman on this issue. But I am going to try different advice on this one since our advice is read and never heeded.

You should wait forever for her to text you back that she wants to be with you. That is all you should do. In doing so you can miss out on life and miss out on other opportunities in life. Never look at another female again. Just wait for this one to text you back. Of course you can never move, never change your phone number, and never go out with people - so you can be waiting for that text should it ever come.

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Originally Posted by backpack2389

I dated a guy briefly (as in a couple of months like your relationship) and he was convinced he loved me. AFTER we stopped seeing each other, he sent me love letters and emails almost daily. He called me. He bugged my friends for information about me and would try to make awkward conversation every time we saw each other. All of these things took me from 'simply not interested in dating him' to 'hating him.' Not only that, he genuinely scared me at times. Eventually he started dating someone else and they became his full time obsession.

Don't be like this guy unless you want to chase women away. Your ex is sending you a clear message, albeit with some possibly misleading tact, and you are simply refusing to acknowledge it. Move on.

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Oh wouldn't say that I'm doing that at all, we haven't texted in weeks. I don't know what I'm refusing to acknowledge?

I messed up and couldn't control my emotions, all I was asking is if I should apologize

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

As you know I totally agree with talaniman on this issue. But I am going to try different advice on this one since our advice is read and never heeded.

You should wait forever for her to text you back that she wants to be with you. That is all you should do. In doing so you can miss out on life and miss out on other opportunities in life. Never look at another female again. Just wait for this one to text you back. Of course you can never move, never change your phone number, and never go out with people - so you can be waiting for that text should it ever come.

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What you usually say is like telling short people who can't reach the top shelf to jump higher without telling them how. Sorry I don't know how to simply "move on" or "let it go"; I let my emotions get the best of me and slipped up. I don't have experience and I'm terrible at this stuff, so I come here. Now, I feel much better because I was able to hash this crap out. I was, more or less, confused if I would be able to trust my feelings again, unsure of what the heck we had between us.

I already started moving on, I'm talking to other girls. I go out with friends, which is what I was doing when she came around. I certainly didn't expect to see her and I definitely didn't think I would feel overwhelmed like I did. I haven't even been in contact with her.

I don't want to be attracted to her, I just want it to pass so things return to normal.

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Originally Posted by Meeki

Oh wouldn't say that I'm doing that at all, we haven't texted in weeks. I don't know what I'm refusing to acknowledge?

I messed up and couldn't control my emotions, all I was asking is if I should apologize

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The fact that this one encounter has you writing strangers online for advice suggests that you are having trouble acknowledging that the relationship is over. When you have truly grasped that the relationship is done, you won't spend days worrying about whether you should apologize about a very, very minor thing.

In describing my previous experience, I was not saying that you are just like the guy I dated. I was saying that if you continue to obsess over this girl and other small issues to do with her, then you are in danger of becoming like him.

The fact that you want to apologize and you are so worried about doing the right thing suggests that you still want her to like you, that you want her approval of you. If that's so, I'm saying the best way to go about that is to NOT bug her. Aka, don't bother apologizing when she is sending signals that she does not want to communicate.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by backpack2389

The fact that this one encounter has you writing strangers online for advice suggests that you are having trouble acknowledging that the relationship is over. When you have truly grasped that the relationship is done, you won't spend days worrying about whether or not you should apologize about a very, very minor thing.

In describing my previous experience, I was not saying that you are just like the guy I dated. I was saying that if you continue to obsess over this girl and other small issues to do with her, then you are in danger of becoming like him.

The fact that you want to apologize and you are so worried about doing the right thing suggests that you still want her to like you, that you want her approval of you. If that's so, I'm saying the best way to go about that is to NOT bug her. Aka, don't apologize.

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Ah got it, well it's easier for me to ask a collective of strangers, I figured more view points and don't have to bug my friends. I didn't know if it was minor or usual or what; if it is minor then I have nothing to worry about really. Last week I wasn't thinking about her much at all.

I wanted to apologize because I don't like making anyone feel awkward and we have to see each other again. I just want it to be like before we dated, we were able to be friendly and what not at events, parties, etc... I don't want her to resent me, but I doubt she would.

I guess I rationally know the relationship is over, and have for a while, but I have no idea why it's taking so long. In nearly every situation I can control my emotions and feel calm except when dumped!

Anyway, I do have a coffee date this weekend. We are just chatting and figuring each other out.

I also want to say thanks for everyone giving me advice, even if I don't heed it. I am very inexperienced at dating anyone beyond a few weeks and definitely never fell for anyone.

I know I'll be back to myself eventually, I do have crazy emotions and have difficulty handling them when I like someone and am dumped or rejected.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Meeki

I also want to say thanks for everyone giving me advice, even if I don't heed it. I am very inexperienced at dating anyone beyond a few weeks and definitely never fell for anyone.

I know I'll be back to myself eventually, I do have crazy emotions and have difficulty handling them when I like someone and am dumped or rejected.

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You know today I read a post today where a woman came back over 2 years later and thanked everyone for suggesting she move on with her life. She said she had a wonderful man now and a new baby boy. If I can find her post I will put it on for you to read.

Live in the moment, not in the past.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...445916-10.html

Look at her last post from yesterday.

Yea since the day I was dumped I wanted nothing more than to get over it and move on, trust me. Not like I enjoy feeling like crap.

Figuring out how to move on is what I struggle with, and believe me every response I read I try to use. I get what you are saying, but it still takes me a while; every girl I've had a crush on, every girl I've really liked and dated it took me much longer than most people. It's utterly frustrating to not be able to just be like other people who can just drop it and move on. I'm worried that I won't be able to trust again, but talking to my ex really did help me out.

I know I'll meet someone else, I know I can find a better fit for me, knowing doesn't equate to a magic solution. Experience helps me but this is new for me. I feel a ton better than I did last week, and last week I felt a ton better than the week before.

Thanks for the link.

"Not like I enjoy feeling like crap." You know I've told you before that you are in control of that. Nobody else.

And maybe you should not be so eager to have a crush on someone so fast. Take the time to get to know them before you go crazy in love over them. It took me 2.5 years before I would commit to my partner. I had to make sure my partner was worth it.

You already apologized. You're going to apologize for apologizing?

She broke up with you and that's a sign the relationship is over. It was good of you to address the awkwardness and try to resolve it, and to give her an opportunity to discuss whatever loose ends she might have with you. She said she doesn't want to get back together, and she's not texting you. That's her answer.

You left the relationship a gentleman. It's not right for you. If there are things about her you really enjoyed, look for similar qualities in the next girl. At the same time, know what you need from the relationship and look for that, too. Grovelling and begging to be part of her life is not a great quality in a relationship with a girlfriend. Find someone who's as into you as you are into them. Until you meet them, work on other aspects of your life - it will make you happier, and when you meet the right girl, you'll have more to offer and be a more appealing catch.

Apologizing again will make you appear pathetic and will not change her feelings. You cant' manipulate or game someone to feel something different than they feel, so give it up on this girl.

I did try to take time with this girl, we talked over a month before even going on one date. I do have a tendency to fall quickly for someone if I feel a connection, but she complimented me all the time and I met her parents, so that sped that up.

How am I suppose to control how I feel? I mean I have been feeling better, but I don't know how to do that.


@dontknownuthin: Oh I wasn't looking to change her mind, mostly talking was to help me understand myself but I was still way attracted to her when I saw her, which confused me. I wasn't groveling, we have similar friends and we both eventually would like to be friends, so I didn't want her to resent me. But it appears this wasn't such a big deal anyway.