Ask Me Help Desk - Coping husband's ex and their baby

Wow this is exactly what I am going through. I am married to my husband since 2007, we got together in August because I found out I was pregnant and then his ex girlfriend tells him that she was pregnant and so we did a DNA test and it came out positive. He pays child support but the ex does not let my husband see his daughter because she doesn't trust me. Another thing is his ex when something happens an argument or anything she runs and calls my sister in law or mother in law and they defend her.

I try not to feel mad and let it slide but just the fact that she still is part of his life makes me mad I know she has to be and always will be because of their daughter and I trust my husband he has demonstrated he loves me and has even went far enough to tell his family to stop getting in our life and the ex to stop running to his family.

But I just can't deal with the fact that my son and her daughter are the same age not a lot of people know he was a daughter due to the fact she won't let her come over and if she ever does I don't know how I will deal with the fact that people will be talking about their ages. See my husband at the time boyfriend got his ex girlfriend pregnant 1 week after we started dating because she went and begged him to go back with him and he failed to tell me that and I got pregnant 2 months later. I just need some advice

For the children's sake, the adults who sometimes behave like children in these situations should accept the family dynamic as it is and get along. Your husband should sit everyone down and just tell them the way it is going to be and that everyone needs to accept everyone in the family. Whether you like it or not, your husband is going to be in his ex's and daughter's lives and they are forever connected now. So you might as well accept that and be positive.

You have no choice but to stay out of his business with her, and his family, and let him handle it himself. That's what trust is about. You don't have to trust her, or her motives and actions, or deal with the relationship between her and his family. You deal with him, NOT out of fear, but understanding that you cannot control what others do, just what YOU do.

I know its easier said than done, but give it your best shot, and stay cool, calm, collected, and in control of YOURSELF.

You stay out of it, it is not your busienss, it is his. He should be getting a visitation order from the court, to force her to allow him to see child.

Doesn't your husband have a visitation agreement with his ex about seeing his child, and paying child support? Usually, any husband paying child support has the legal right to see his child. He is paying for that right. If there is no agreement, he needs a lawyer to have one written up.
I agree with your other answers. This is your husbands business with his family, and his ex, and his child. You knew all this when you married him. There is an old saying, "When you marry, you also marry their family".
So true. Stay out of it, accept it, and let him handle it. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Doesn't your husband have a visitation agreement with his ex about seeing his child, and paying child support? Usually, any husband paying child support has the legal right to see his child. He is paying for that right. If there is no agreement, he needs a lawyer to have one written up.
I agree with your other answers. This is your husbands business with his family, and his ex, and his child. You knew all this when you married him. There is an old saying, "When you marry, you also marry their family".
So true. Stay out of it, accept it, and let him handle it. Good luck.

My husband does pay child support and we are getting legal help soon. So glad to hear all the comments I really do try for this situation not to get to me but the fact that my husbands sister has said she would have rather seen him with the ex and not me hurt me and made me mad and she has also made other disrespectful comments towards me. My husband has confronted my sister in law for saying that and has told them we are just going to keep a distance until they learn to respect me. I have heard the ex still likes my husband so maybe that is why I think it gets to me more. What do you think about it?

Its not worth speculating about since you know she likes to keep the pot stirred up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by supermother

My husband does pay child support and we are getting legal help soon. So glad to hear all the comments I really do try for this situation not to get to me but the fact that my husbands sister has said she would have rather seen him with the ex and not me hurt me and made me mad and she has also made other disrespectful comments towards me. my husband has confronted my sister in law for saying that and has told them we are just going to keep a distance until they learn to respect me. I have heard the ex still likes my husband so maybe that is why I think it gets to me more. what do you think about it?

Instead of focusing on how you feel, focus on the children. Sadly, this situation is something you were aware of when you married. You knew he got another girl pregnant, that child is his. The only one suffering because of all this drama, is the daughter he has.

He needs to go to court to get visitation with his daughter. Paying every month is not enough, he has to man up and be a father. What his ex feels for him, is not important. How his family feels about you, is not important. The only person in the equation that's being screwed, is the child, and she's the only one that can't fix it. He can, the ex can, you can.

So ignore the jabs his family makes. Ignore them altogether if they're interfering. Urge him to get visitation, and if getting it means that he's the only one allowed to see the daughter he has, and that you can't be involved, so be it. His daughter deserves a father. Trust him enough to allow him to have that relationship, despite what others are saying or doing.

Actually you won't believe it but a week ago the ex girlfriend called and said she was willing to let him see their daughter and now she's been sending him pictures everday to his email like trying to make it up she is just annoying me I think I just need to move on...

And then she says he needs to call almost everyday I know its his daughter but come on I think that is a little too much of her to say that..

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks in my opinion, that's between parents and child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by supermother

Actually you wont believe it but a week ago the ex girlfriend called and said she was willing to let him see their daughter and now shes been sending him pictures everday to his email like trying to make it up she is just annoying me I think I just need to move on...

And then she says he needs to call almost everyday i know its his daughter but come on I think that is a little too much of her to say that..

So a week ago the ex told him she'd be willing to let him see his child, but yesterday you posted that she's not? Wow, what a change a day, makes, or is it a week?

No I posted of my past situation and didn't mention what had happened lately... sorry if I made it confusing