Ask Me Help Desk - I'm always horny after an orgasm but it's too painful to continue. What can I do?

I'm using a throwaway account since this is an embarrassing issue for me. ;p

I'm 23, female, and **still** a virgin (not by choice, I have social anxiety and never dated even though guys have shown interest at times.) Anyway, last night in bed I was trying to get to sleep, and decided to masturbate since it usually helps me sleep faster/better. So I'm playing with myself for a long time and end up really hard. However, after I orgasm I find that I'm still really horny, which unfortunately isn't new, but last night was pretty different. It was like my desire to again was 10x stronger than usual. I tried to continue touching myself but I was just too sensitive, and it got painful so I stopped. (I'm not able to have multiple orgasms, it takes me at least 20-30 minutes to orgasm after the first one, so I usually only have one per session). Hence, I ended up falling asleep even though I still wasn't fully satisfied.

THIS MORNING I woke up and immediately noticed that my is *super* hard. I was really freaked out and immediately thought I might have hurt myself by accident last night being too rough, but it wasn't that. I was just still really horny from last night. -__-

Sorry for the super personal question but I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and I'm super embarrassed to talk about it in my real life anyway. :s

**tl;dr** Last night I masturbated to orgasm but was still horny immediately after. I couldn't continue because it was too sensitive/painful so I just fell asleep. I woke up the next morning still swollen and horny from the night before which really freaked me out. Is any of this normal? It really sucks. Also, is there a way I can "make" myself more multi-orgasmic? I'm a girl but usually I can only have one which isn't doing it for me anymore...

Maybe you focused on that spot more than usual or weren't as gentle. The cl*toris is super sensitive. I think I read somewhere that it has 4 times as many nerve endings than the head of a penis!
Every woman is different as to how much stimulation they like "right there". For me cl*toral orgasms are just too intense. Vaginal orgasms feel a lot more satisfying. (And I don't mean stimulating myself internally to get a vaginal orgasm). The only way I can have multiple orgasms is if I have vaginal orgasms. One cl*toral orgasm is all I can handle, so I tend to not go that route!

I hope my advice isn't too graphic for the site.

P.S. I was a virgin until 25 (by choice), and I also have social anxiety. Lol *fist bump*

Physiologically:
Could be you have a nerve that goes there that is irritated. I have a nerve that picks up pain from my sacral nerve that wraps around from the back to the abdomen, and then down the left side of my bladder and whole crotch, getting damn close to the clitoris. Annoying.
OR
Are you taking any anti-anxiety or other psych medication?

Joy, Good point. I have a similar issue (I have very low back fractures and get nerve pains), but I didn't know how to also mention that sort of thing without it sounding scary. But yea, if it's actual pain then it could be an inflamed nerve (from an old accident or just how you're built etc).

I think you need a better strategy for getting sleep, and dealing with your social anxieties. Masturbation isn't the cure, and is making you sore, not unlike a guy who rubs his penis raw from over doing it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you need a better strategy for getting sleep, and dealing with your social anxieties. Masturbation isn't the cure, and is making you sore, not unlike a guy who rubs his penis raw from over doing it.

A little masturbation at an oppotune time, if nothing else is working, will put me out very soothenly (new word).

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentree30

Maybe you focused on that spot more than usual or weren't as gentle. The cl*toris is super sensitive. I think I read somewhere that it has 4 times as many nerve endings than the head of a penis!
Every woman is different as to how much stimulation they like "right there". For me cl*toral orgasms are just too intense. Vaginal orgasms feel a lot more satisfying. (And I don't mean stimulating myself internally to get a vaginal orgasm). The only way I can have multiple orgasms is if I have vaginal orgasms. One cl*toral orgasm is all I can handle, so I tend to not go that route!

I hope my advice isn't too graphic for the site.

P.S. I was a virgin until 25 (by choice), and I also have social anxiety. lol *fist bump*

Thanks for your response. I admit I only focus on my cl*toris during masturbation since I don’t know how to stimulate myself internally enough to orgasm. Unfortunately after a clitoral orgasm I get too sensitive and just can’t continue, even though I’m still horny… :( It’s super frustrating. Only twice have I been able to push through the pain/sensitivity and orgasm again but it took 30 minutes to an hour both times. It’s just WAY too tiring and difficult to achieve so I usually just give up. I’m 23 so it’s kind of really embarrassing to admit I don’t know how to satisfy myself. -_-

Hope this isn’t too personal but how do you achieve vaginal orgasms without stimulating yourself internally? I thought that was the ONLY way. Maybe they’d be more satisfying for me too…

p.s. your advice is def not too graphic. I need all the help I can get haha

p.p.s I don’t exactly “celebrate” my anxiety but *fist bump* >.< lol

The vagina doesn't have a lot of sensitive nerve endings, so having a vaginal orgasm without a lot of external stimulation is nearly impossible. If anyone tells you about her fantastic vaginal orgasms, she is very likely lying through her teeth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Physiologically:
Could be you have a nerve that goes there that is irritated. I have a nerve that picks up pain from my sacral nerve that wraps around from the back to the abdomen, and then down the left side of my bladder and whole crotch, getting damn close to the clitoris. Annoying.
OR
Are you taking any anti-anxiety or other psych medication?

Interesting. How did you find out about your sacral nerve issues? I'm sorry to hear about it. I do sometimes experience a sharp pain during orgasm if I too fast and don't work myself up long enough. It ruins the entire experience. I hope it isn't serious.

No, I'm not on any medication. I've never been treated for my anxiety.

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentree30

Joy, Good point. I have a similar issue (I have very low back fractures and get nerve pains), but I didn't know how to also mention that sort of thing without it sounding scary. But yea, if it's actual pain then it could be an inflamed nerve (from an old accident or just how you're built etc).

Sounds painful. :( Sorry to hear this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you need a better strategy for getting sleep, and dealing with your social anxieties. Masturbation isn't the cure, and is making you sore, not unlike a guy who rubs his penis raw from over doing it.

Thanks for your post but it's not like I can see a therapist about my SA, I spent all my time for maybe a good 6 months looking for free therapy services in my area, or at least affordable ones to no avail. I've given up the search for now before I can't afford the cost. I'm not into the idea of medication, I've done reach on CBT which sounds super promising, but like I said, no funds.

I don't masturbate often, but when I do it helps me sleep. I know it's no cure, I don't consider it one. At best it's a decent distraction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The vagina doesn't have a lot of sensitive nerve endings, so having a vaginal orgasm without a lot of external stimulation is nearly impossible. If anyone tells you about her fantastic vaginal orgasms, she is very likely lying through her teeth.

I've heard there are nerve endings about a few inches in, not as much as the outside but I know about the existence of the gspot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jodar7

I've heard there are nerve endings about a few inches in, not as much as the outside but I know about the existence of the gspot.

And medical science is still wondering if there is such a thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And medical science is still wondering if there is such a thing.

Despite what "medical science" says I've heard/read many stories, those are more real to me than a medical paper. Sorry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jodar7

Despite what "medical science" says I've heard/read many stories, those are more real to me than a medical paper. Sry.

Stories might be fiction, from big imaginations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jodar7

Thanks for your response. I admit I only focus on my cl*toris during masturbation since I don’t know how to stimulate myself internally enough to orgasm. Unfortunately after a clitoral orgasm I get too sensitive and just can’t continue, even though I’m still horny… :( It’s super frustrating. Only twice have I been able to push through the pain/sensitivity and orgasm again but it took 30 minutes to an hour both times. It’s just WAY too tiring and difficult to achieve so I usually just give up. I’m 23 so it’s kind of really embarrassing to admit I don’t know how to satisfy myself. -_-

No wonder you get so irritated/ sensitive! I don't recommend pushing through the pain/ sensitivity to reach another orgasm. You'll end up feeling sore afterwards. :-/

Quote:

Originally Posted by jodar7

Hope this isn’t too personal but how do you achieve vaginal orgasms without stimulating yourself internally? I thought that was the ONLY way. Maybe they’d be more satisfying for me too…

By focusing on the entire labia. It's also called the vaginal lips or inner lips. The cl*toris is only part of the labia.
Have you ever looked at yourself down there with a hand held mirror? Unlike men we can't just look down and see everything! Lol Looking with a mirror can be helpful to see where everything is.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with clitoral orgasms. Do whatever works for you! But you can include the entire area down there, that way you won't feel over stimulated in one spot. If you ever feel an orgasm that feels much deeper than usual, that's a vaginal orgasm. That's the only way I can think to describe it.

Don't feel bad about not being able to orgasm through internal stimulation. About 70%-80% of women don't orgasm that way.

P.S. I was just trying to make light of it. But yea I know social anxiety really sucks! It can get a lot better though. Just keep putting yourself out there and don't beat yourself up if you feel anxious and nervous while you're social. Try to accept it. My social anxiety was at it's worst in high school and in my early twenties. By mid twenties it got a little better, and by late 20's (and now I'm almost 31) it's pretty mild. I just think of myself as sometimes feeling awkward around people. And I like to think that my awkwardness is part of my charm! Lol That's what I tell myself anyway. :) But it really can get so much better!

P.P.S There has been a lot of debate and arguments on here about "g spot" orgasms and "squirting". I agree with you, from all I've read (and I know people who've experienced it), I believe it 100% (even though I've never experienced it). Before coming across this website I didn't even know there were people who questioned it. But apparently there's not enough evidence? So anyway it tends to turn into an argument on here, just a heads up!

Just wanted to add that it can take 10-30 minutes (or longer) to orgasm for women. We are just built that way. A lot of it is in our mind (being in the right mind frame and using our imagination, feeling sexy etc). Where-as men don't have to think about anything and can get off in less than a minute if they want! Lol I mean sometimes we orgasm super quick too, but it's also normal for it to take a while.

Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. Your problem may be one of self knowledge and coping strategies for your issues. I know specialist are a problem being expensive and hard o find but do you have a family doctor, or a gynecologist? Do you have siblings, or family around you?

I ask to ascertain what level of isolation and level of getting available knowledge and expertise without busting the bank. You seem to be very limited to explore and experiment on your own and haven't mentioned toys to enhance your experience.

To be very honest, the best exploring and experimenting is with a partner of the same level, but that involves an emotional risk you may not be prepared to take.

Quote:

People who found this post inaccurate:
Jodar7 (Yesterday 11:49 PM): based on personal beliefs and so called medical science, with no sources given. Source:Does every female have a g-spot? : sex

Try again. Reddit isn't a medically recognized resource.

If you're going to disagree or find something inaccurate, please follow up with a proper resource. I am inches away form closing this thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. Your problem may be one of self knowledge and coping strategies for your issues. I know specialist are a problem being expensive and hard o find but do you have a family doctor, or a gynecologist? Do you have siblings, or family around you?

I ask to ascertain what level of isolation and level of getting available knowledge and expertise without busting the bank. You seem to be very limited to explore and experiment on your own and haven't mentioned toys to enhance your experience.

To be very honest, the best exploring and experimenting is with a partner of the same level, but that involves an emotional risk you may not be prepared to take.

I have a family doctor, although it's been a while since I visited his office, as I moved cities last summer and haven't had a chance to book an appointment with him. I just don't want to be put on meds for my anxiety though, they lead to SO many other issues, and are only short term solutions. Yet, doctors love to prescribe them left, right and centre when therapies like CBT have proven to be more effective and safer. >.<

I have a sister, and a mom and aunt as my immediate, live-in family. My sister knows about my anxiety, I've spoken to my mom about once, broke down in tears and everything and she seemed sympathetic at the time. But later I overheard her speaking to my aunt and saying how it was all in my head, and was just shyness and that I should get over it and stuff. (She even saw me feeling out a form to a hospital in my town that provides free treatment for anxiety, but the wait time is over a year.) I guess I can't make her understand my situation so I never mentioned it to her again. I own a small business with my sister and mom helps sometimes too, we're busy most of the time and just cooped up in the store. I'm not in school right now either so besides my sister, I'm lonely most of the time and unhappy.

I own two sex toys, two dildos: a large one that's actually way too uncomfortable most of the time, and a smaller one that vibrates. I don't much care for either of them but prefer the smaller one more for obvious reasons. But I can only orgasm with the small vibrating dildo if I use it externally. I don't have much experience with toys and I really haven't gotten the hang of the whole dildo/vibrator thing. >.<

By the way I've never dated or anything but I'm ready for a relationship. I want to be in love, and experience love, and sex and all that jazz. I feel like my lack of self-esteem and anxiety hold me back, you know, on top of other things.

Thanks for more background information. Unfortunately my CBT experience is limited to substance abuse, and I am no doctor. But I think YOUR doctor can lead you to some long term help, and please get over the fear of medication since its with professional supervision, and only requires some honesty between you and the clinician. Maybe he has a better way to go but for now that's the start.

I suspected from the start of this thread that a growing frustration from the lack of fulfillment was based more to isolation, and the lack of other input, than anything else and a new experience to the next level would be very helpful.

You could benefit from challenging yourself, and facing your fear rather than enable it. Maybe going out in a group as friends, both male, and female, until you are comfortable enough in your own skin to interact with more people on a social level. What's obvious is you need a guide to show you there is fun to be had outside your own self imposed limitations. One baby step at a time, no hurry.

For now though, get a nice lubrication, or pleasant lotion to help protect your parts.

Masturbation in the clitoral area tends to create dryness, friction doesn't help. You need to reduce the friction with KY Jelly or the gel baby oil in the tube, of course added benefit from these two solutions is pleasurable!

Quote:

“No wonder you get so irritated/ sensitive!! I don't recommend pushing through the pain/ sensitivity to reach another orgasm. You'll end up feeling sore afterwards. :-/”

>.< tell me about it. It’s just that I’ve read a few forums wherein women were saying that this was how they achieved multiple orgasms. I’m not really aware of another way, but I’m not fond of it at all. The odd times that I’ve actually been able to reach another orgasm this way, I’ve found that those orgasms weren’t even as good as the first one. :(

Quote:

“By focusing on the entire labia. It's also called the vaginal lips or inner lips. The cl*toris is only part of the labia.
Have you ever looked at yourself down there with a hand held mirror? Unlike men we can't just look down and see everything! lol Looking with a mirror can be helpful to see where everything is.”

I’ve done this before. I know where everything is. I’ve just never focused on the entire area before…. I guess thanks to society/the media I’ve been convinced that the c*litoris is the source of female pleasure (aside from the gspot). … Will touching the labia really make a difference in the quality of my orgasms? I really don’t see how. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to try…

Oh. I always heard that “vaginal orgasms” are caused by stimulation internally, and clitoral externally. Lol I’m super confused. Whoa, 70% -80% can’t orgasm through internal stimuli? Can one learn to? Is it genetic or something? I hope I’m not doomed to clitoral orgasms. I want to learn to have deeper ones. Clitoral orgasms can be nice *sometimes* but for quite a while now I’ve found that they just aren’t satisfying me anymore.

P.S. I’m glad it’s gotten better for you. Have you ever been to any sort of therapy for your anxiety? I can’t afford it but I’ve always thought that some sort of CBT or DBT therapy would help improve my self-esteem and quality of life. I feel like I’ve hit a road block where my society anxiety hasn’t improved in the past few years. Thanks for your advice, I know it’s important to accept that I have SA, but it’s something that I want to change. I don’t feel like it adds to my personality, it just keeps me from being who I really am with people. It makes life so much harder, and I have a hard time expressing my feelings and creating bonds (friendships, relationships, etc.) Basically it keeps me hyper self-aware and self-conscious.

P.P.S. Thanks for the heads up about this site. People are ridiculous. It’s not a matter or “believing,” the g-spot isn’t Christianity or something. Lol -_- The g-spot is merely the internal portion of the clitoris, which wraps around the vaginal canal, or something like that. It’s human anatomy. Now stimulating it to the point of actual sexual release is a whole different thing. Like you, I don’t need to experience it to know it exists. Women’s, and some men’s, accounts of their experiences with it are enough for me. I’m glad we agree on that debate. :)

Thanks for the extra tidbit too, I just keep comparing myself to statistics, and other women’s stories. Most women are able to reach orgasm faster and faster after the first one. Usually their orgasms get stronger and stronger too. But it’s not like that for me, my clitoral orgasms get weaker after the first one and take longer to achieve. And I’m STILL left feeling horny. It really sucks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

Masturbation in the clitoral area tends to create dryness, friction doesn't help. You need to reduce the friction with KY Jelly or the gel baby oil in the tube, of course added benefit from these two solutions is pleasurable!

Yeah, I used a lubricant, which helps. It's just that after my first orgasm I always find myself still really aroused but I can't keep touching myself because it's too sensitive/painful. So I don't know what to do. 2 or 3 times I've managed to push through the pain and keep going and came again (took an additional 30 minutes to an hour). But those times left me with a weak orgasm and soreness. It was just a terrible time overall... I seriously don't know what to do anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thanks for more background information. Unfortunately my CBT experience is limited to substance abuse, and I am no doctor. But I think YOUR doctor can lead you to some long term help, and please get over the fear of medication since its with professional supervision, and only requires some honesty between you and the clinician. Maybe he has a better way to go but for now that's the start.

I suspected from the start of this thread that a growing frustration from the lack of fulfillment was based more to isolation, and the lack of other input, than anything else and a new experience to the next level would be very helpful.

You could benefit from challenging yourself, and facing your fear rather than enable it. Maybe going out in a group as friends, both male, and female, until you are comfortable enough in your own skin to interact with more people on a social level. What's obvious is you need a guide to show you there is fun to be had outside your own self imposed limitations. One baby step at a time, no hurry.

For now though, get a nice lubrication, or pleasant lotion to help protect your parts.

I'm currently taking a few supplements that are proven to help balance mood and control anxiety, so I'll see how that goes. I'm not afraid of pharmaceutical drugs, I just don't believe in them to treat every ailment, especially mental and emotional wellness. Sometimes they do more harm than good. It's just a fact.

I'd love to go out and "challenge myself" and stuff, but I don't have any friends at the moment.

As for my original question, I do use a lubricant. It helps to reduce friction during masturbation, but after my first orgasm I;m too sensitive to continue, but still highly aroused. That;s the issue I'm having. ;p

Wait a while between sessions. Its okay to still feel horny, and make a sandwich, smoke a cigarette. Just because you are horny doesn't mean you have to scratch the itch right away. Hell I would never leave the bedroom.

I really hope you get help to get over your own social anxieties which I think is the real problem. No healthy adult outlets other than masturbating. So I think you end up frustrating yourself. That not good, and can be painful as well.

While there are side effects to about anything, a doctor can manage the side effects, but not taking meds that can address your issues can be worse than dealing with the side effects.