I had sex two years back and only for 5 times. Later I really lost the feeling and moreover I never enjoyed sex which I had done. I forgot about the incident but from the past few days I am remembering a lot. My parents will get me married after 3-5 years. Will my husband come to know that I am not a virgin. But I really promise that I will be loyal to him later. I really want to forget that incident. But how? Please provide me with a good answer. I am really tensed about my future.

I doubt your husband will know you were not a virgin. In old days (and perhaps in some outdated cultures still) people expected to see a bit of blood on the wedding night, indicating the woman had lost her virginity. I have friends though, who have said they would have been burned at the stake or whatever if they had to live in such archaic times because they didn't bleed enough for it to get on the sheets.

I would forget about the past and move on with your life. Your sexual history is your personal business unless you contracted a sexually transmitted disease. Given how long it's been I don't think that's a concern.

In movies, I've seen scenes where women pricked their finger with a pin to make a spot of blood... I suppose if I had to live in a culture where women were considered "ruined" if they weren't virgins, I'd be willing to do that. Fortunately I'm American and nobody cared whether I was a virgin when I married - my parents didn't want to know, my husband didn't care as long as I was faithful to him.

I doubt you will ever forget that incidence of having sex, but you cope with it by not being ashamed, or guilty about it because its nobody else business but yours, and who you shared it with.

I would advise against marriage to anyone who would expect you to be a virgin when you married him, or could not accept that you were NOT. However if your culture is one that puts such things as a high priority, be very careful who you share this information with, as any suitor your parents ARRANGE for you will likely raise holy hell with your parents.

I think that's where your anxiety comes from, the fear of EVERYONE else knowing you had sex before marriage. To be honest, you have little choice but to lie in face of the consequences that would befall you if such knowledge got out to a husband that expects a virgin, and to parents that think you are a virgin.

Sad that its that's way in your culture (?), so think of this in the way of self preservation, and not dishonor. Best know the guy well before you even agree to marriage, or share your past with him. If you do not meet his preconceived notions of what taking a wife is, then the FOOL will feel deceived, and lied to.

Bottom line, don't be ashamed, and don't marry a closed minded fool, no matter how much your parents want you too. Not an easy thing if that's what your culture, religion, or society demands of you.

That's why non virgins have ways to fool the fools, for their own self preservation.

Will my husband come to know? I am really strict and I am serious I won't get into a relation any more for the next 3-5 years. Kindly help

He will know if...

You choose to tell him.

Someone else who knows tells him.

No man can tell if a woman is a virgin or not, even if there is no blood, and only a doctor can detect a broken hymen which is as likely to be broken on a bicycle seat, or tampon at puberty, as in sex. A fool will never take your word for it, but he can never know for sure can he?

Where do you live? What's the criteria for marriage where you live? How educated are the men where you live? Do they know that not bleeding doesn't necessarily mean you're not a virgin? If he finds out you're not a virgin, what's the worst that can happen, divorce, or severe punishment by him and your family?

Fact is, you're not a virgin. Will he be able to tell? Unlikely. But, if he expects you to bleed the first time, that will be a problem, because you won't, there's no chance of it.

Is there a reason why you're not being honest with him about this?