My daughter is due a thorough medical, she is 14,and I think is growing normally, the letter said that she would have to be naked during this procedure, she want's me to stay in the room with her, but I'm a little uneasy, being a rather shy dad, I think she should be alone, it would be OK if she was just in her underwear, but when the doctor does her breast and virginal exams, I think I shouldn't be there, but she want's me to stay, cananyone give me some advice. Thanks...

I don't know what they are thinking! She is 14 and they want her dad to be in the same room during medical ! Absburb. Did they make a mistake thinking they were addressing her mother? A nurse can fill that function, as with new rules established years ago in Canada, and I am sure in UK as well, a nurse must attend the doctor administering to a female patient for physical exams.

Insist on a nurse, and tell your daughter you being there is totally not appropriate at her age.

I am not being a prude in this case as many will agree, it just is very inappropriate at this stage in her life.

I tend to disagree with your first response. First, I would like to know why you and not her mother are going with her. But frankly, I have never heard of a general medical exam where the patient is totally nude. Usually the patient is wearing a hospital gown. To do breast or vaginal exams the gown is loosened. You can be standing behind the table so you will not see anything that should embarrass either of you.

I would certainly agree if it were the doctor's office that was insisting that you stay. But this is your daughter's wish. She wants someone she feels comfortable with there. And I think you should support her.

I would however, discuss this with the doctor first. Make sure that she will be in a gown as I described. If not, I would question why she has to be totally uncovered, I can't imagine why that would be necessary.

I can easily believe that their policy is that a parent or guardian has to be present when a minor child is examined.
I also agree that they probably don't mean completely uncovered.
I see no reason why you can't say 'OK, I'll be there, even though it's a little embarrassing.'
It's similar to what she may go through when you are old, as I did, taking care of my dad before he died, and I had to do all sorts of very private things. I told him it felt strange and we laughed about it.

Requirements her are that a nurse be present, in the examining room with the patient and the doctor. Obviously to avoid any malpractice suits and to ensure that nothing inappropriate can be reported.

The young lady is l4. She must learn that these exams can't be attended by her father.

Interesting. Unless there is a medical history, there is no reason for her to have a vaginal exam at this age. According to ACOG (American College ot Obstetricians and Gynecologists), the PAP Smear should be limited to women over 30 and done every 3-5 years. This is a change from having it done yearly for all women of child bearing age. This portion of the exam is not necessary unless there is a familial history of certain cancers.

As far as nudity, when time for the exam, she should be covered by a gown. If they will not allow it, run for the hills. A visit of this nature makes a woman feel vulnerable enough, nudity should not be added to the mix. A female nurse is required to be in the room for exams such as this. You can refuse the exam if they will not provide a nurse. If your daughter feels more comfortable having you there, you can always turn your back during this portion of the exam.

Again, I have to question the reasoning for an exam of this sort for a 14 year old unless you are trying to get her on birth control.

OP in in England. I have a feeling from other posts that the mother is not present. Did she perhaps die of a disease women get, I wonder, and that explains the full exam at 14.

He has also talked about his doctor, a woman, and I wonder if she has a private practice and no nurse (not even a secretary?)

Can you answer to those issues?

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Originally Posted by J_9

As far as nudity, when time for the exam, she should be covered by a gown. If they will not allow it, run for the hills.

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This was a big part of my thinking here. Whether this is the US, the UK or any other place. I cannot imagine any justification for total nudity here. An exam gown is SOP. And I would be concerned about a physician that required it and I would look for a different doctor.

And I still go back to the fact that your daughter wants you there. You would be there because she wants you to. You don't have to look during parts where she is exposed, as I said you can stand behind her and turn your back if need be. But you will be there to support her. If she didn't want you there, then you shouldn't be, but she does so you should.

Also, as J_9 indicated are you sure a vaginal exam will be part of it or are you just assuming?

Sure Joy, I'll answer your questions.

After reading the OPs other threads is see no mention of a missing mother, I see no mention of a daughter. What I did see was a man who had to have an exam by sn attractive female doctor and was concerned about arousal during the exam. As well as some concerns regarding steroids injections.

Now, it doesn't matter if the child is 14 in the US, UK, or anywhere else for that matter. 14 year olds do not need such an invasive exam unless they are trying yo get on birth control or there is a familial history of certain cancers.

As far as private practice is concerned, a nurse is still required to assist in the running of an office. A physician can't do it all alone.

ACOG is the premiere authority of women's reproductive health.

I was just guessing, not assuming. He never mentions a wife... and was overly concerned about the exam by a female doctor. And so on. I just want him to come back and tell us. But he's probably asleep over there!

Asleep? It's only 1440 (2:30 pm) there. Yes, I hope he comes back as well.

Oops, I always go the wrong way with European time.

I am guilty of usually stating the obvious so here it is: ASK THAT DOCTOR FOR GOOD SOLID EXPLANATION OF WHY YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS TO BE NUDE AND WHY HIS OR HER NURSE CANNOT BE PRESENT. Then you can express your own concerns and questions. Do this before your daughter's visit even if it means rescheduling the visit. Personally, I wiould let that doctor know your concerns in no uncertain terms. This is a good opportunity for you to take control - it will be good for your daughter to see you step up to the plate. Doctors should respect the patient's rights as much as he wants respect from patients!
I hope it's not too late to do this. And, now creativegoth, you need to step up to the plate and let us know your thoughts about this, as we have invested our time with your problem.

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Originally Posted by Jackie B

ASK THAT DOCTOR FOR GOOD SOLID EXPLANATION OF WHY YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS TO BE NUDE AND WHY HIS OR HER NURSE CANNOT BE PRESENT. .

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Yes, as others have said, the OP should clarify why the daughter will be completely nude.

However, nothing has been said that a nurse will not be in the room. The issue was that the daughter has said SHE wants dad in the room with her and dad was uncomfortable with this because he believed the daughter will be nude. Please read the thread more carefully before responding.

There is only me and my daughter now, my lady died of cancer a few years ago,and it was in her cervix,so I think that's why she was checked in this way.Thanks for all your comments. GOD BLESS..

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Originally Posted by creativegoth

There is only me and my daughter now, my lady died of cancer a few years ago,and it was in her cervix,so I think that's why she was checked in this way.Thanks for all your comments. GOD BLESS..

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Yes, thank you for clarifying the issue.

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Originally Posted by creativegoth

There is only me and my daughter now, my lady died of cancer a few years ago,and it was in her cervix,so I think that's why she was checked in this way.Thanks for all your comments. GOD BLESS..

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You are welcome.

But we'd like to know what happened. We also asked some questions so we could help better. So were you there? Did she have to get fully nude? If so, did the doctor explain why?

She wanted me to stay with her, throughout the whole examination, because she was frightened, when we are at home, she wonders around just in her bra and knickers, and even when she's just out of the bath, she comes to be while naked, she is comfortable around me, and hugs me, I think it's just me. Thanks everyone..