I don't understand...

Most people here seem to support NC as a way to heal and get over a relationship, though some stories confuse me as to when NC should start or stop.

How should I know when to ignore her and when I should take her up on her offers to see her and be the "fun guy"? Once I have started no contact, should I keep it that way, or once she starts to contact me should I see where I can get by being mysterious and worry free about the entire relationship.

For anyone who knows LostGuy's story, this is what confused me. I assumed No contact was the best way to get over this relationship, though it seems he was told to be the fun guy and go out, but be mysterious... How do I know what to do?

:confused:

If u keep speaking to your ex, its just going to prolong the agony! I would love to break Nc and be the fun guy, but it turns out I know it would just be an MSN conversation consisting of:

"how are you"
"yeh good thx"
"u?"
"yeh cool, anyway gtg"

Pointless! Why bother meeting and being the fun guy? You broke up, give it at least a few months before even thinking of breaking NC. That will give you time to re evaluate.

You don't be the fun guy yet bro... because she won't miss you if your with her... if she calls you just be busy make it short

I know its way to soon, I just just wondering how you know when it is time...

Waiting until I don't think about her anymore would be a good time I suppose

What bothers me is that she broke up with me, and she has broke NC at least twice already, and it hasn't even eben a week since NC started (a month since the breakup).
Im not planning on breaking NC at all, I just need to know if she really wants to talk to me again, or if she is just testing the waters to see if I'm still here waiting - as of now, I'm ignoring it all because I'm through being here waiting.

Yeh you don't bother with breaking NC, until your over her and then u probs won't give a sh*t.

I understand the confusion but once you get dumped you leave them alone and work on your life. If they call you be unavailable, polite, friendly, and busy. You keep NC going until you are at the point you are over the ex enough to see things rationally and can make good healthy decisions as to what you want in life. Honestly most people are able to move on to better things, and no longer want the exes anymore.

Some people here think that NC is a legitimate way to "win" someone back. I am not one of them and I think it gives false hope and ignores the big picture. Many here had a long debate about it over several threads. The most telling thing that occurred there, in my opinion, was no one came forward and claimed it worked to win someone back in the long run. It seems that once they return, the old problems that broke the relationship up in the first place seem to return and a second break up is inevitable.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Some people here think that NC is a legitimate way to "win" someone back. I am not one of them and I think it gives false hope and ignores the big picture. Many here had a long debate about it over several threads. The most telling thing that occurred there, in my opinion, was no one came forward and claimed it worked to win someone back in the long run. It seems that once they return, the old problems that broke the relationship up in the first place seem to return and a second break up is inevitable.

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Well I for one am not using it to get my ex back. For a while I was insistent on getting her back, but at this point I am using NC as a way for me to get over it. I was there for her, and I was lead on and crushed more and more over those three weeks. I finally had enough and told her that I need to not talk to her, for my own sake.

Its still hard to maintain NC sometimes because I feel bad, but then I stop and think that she is doing this to herself. She is chooisng not to be with me, so why should I put myself on the line, and risk being further hurt for someone who is hurting me.

If she does not want to be with me, that is what she is getting. If she suddenly realizes I'm not crawling back, and its tougher for her than she though... thats not my problem :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

She is chooisng not to be with me, so why should I put myself on the line, and risk being further hurt for someone who is hurting me.

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I think that is very grounded of you. It goes further with me too-- why want someone who doesn't want you? My thinking is if you have to work THAT hard for it, something is off about you as a person and that warrants looking at. People feel how they feel.

I only offered that explanation as a way to let you know there are folks here who do believe in NC as a means to win someone back, not necessarily to crank up that debate again. For those who think it works as a way to win an ex back-- I say, to each their own. :p

Why would anyone want to win someone's love?? Sad really!!

Part of the key here is who initiates the contact and why? You say "take her up on her offers to see her." If she is calling you and asking to see you, then you've got some decisions to make. You can choose to see her or you can say "no thanks." However, if you do choose to see her, you don't do it with the idea that you're going to immediately fall in love and be each others' soul mates. You be the "fun guy", as others have said. Make her laugh and have a good time with her without being serious and without getting all hot and heavy personal and wearing your heart out on your sleeve. Let her see that you're a fun, strong, independent guy and can be happy with or without her. You have other friends and dates to spend time with as well, so you're not going to build your world around her. If you haven't done this in the past, then now's the time to start, both when seeing her and others. Build a life and get busy, even as you're seeing her and other women.

Cianci,

At this point I'm pretty sure she is just surprised that I'm actually not contacting her like I said I was doing. She is probably just upset over the shock from it, and I feel it is WAY to early to contact her back... it seems like she is upset, but she needs to get over it, just as I am. For my own sake, it is way to early to give in and see her without hurting myself... I just need more time.

Time to stop focusing on her and what she is thinking. I know it is hard and everyone that comes here seems to do it but the moment you realise that you have no way at all of knowing or indeed controlling what she is doing or thinking the better. You have heaps of questions here and most of them focus on how your actions will effect her. How about focusing on how your actions affect YOU!!

Are you honestly no contacting her as a means of getting over her or are you doing it try and get her back. Be honest here. We aren't silly and can usually see through games. Not a bad thing as we have all done it, but the sooner you snap out of it the better.