Ask Me Help Desk - Should I ask my ex or is this just normal?

Hello,

Long story short, I dated a girl for 2 months, we were falling for each other. I was falling harder than she was because, apparently, she wasn't over her ex.

She thinks I'm amazing, says so still, but is conflicted so she left and is now, probably dating him. I'm not sure. Plus her self-esteem is iffy and she thought I was too good of a guy for her. We've been apart for over a month now.

Anyway, I have no intention of trying to steal her away from her ex. She knows what it's like to date me and what not. I didn't go crazy begging or pleading or anything, we have had light contact but she feels weird talking to me and, as of a few weeks ago, still likes me but feels bad for what happened.

I am, however, highly confused over what we had while dating. I don't have much experience so I don't know if we had a real connection or there was something missing or what. I keep dwelling on it and I am terrified of putting my heart on the line. Usually it takes me forever to heal.

I have no ill will towards her and we both want to try to be "friends" eventually.

I am wondering if I should contact her and ask if she can talk about it, letting her know I'm not trying to "win her back" or anything. It's just frustrating and making me feel confused.

What is wrong with accepting her decision and moving your life forward? Hasn't this been a while now and no progress has been made. If you do take a while to heal my guess is because you won't move forward. You keep getting stuck in the past. The past is meant to leave behind so I still recommend you doing fun things with other and hopefully meet someone else.

What do you mean? I accepted her decision, like I said I'm not trying to get her back.

I just don't understand if what we had was a connection or not. I have little understanding of relationship dynamics and I can't put my heart into someone else until I figure out if I put too much trust into how I felt or if it was real.

I take a long time to get over someone that I fall for, especially if it wasn't loss of attraction or anything. Also, I've never had a relationship last very long so it's tough every time I lose someone.

I already met someone else, that is why I'm having issues.

I realize you don't understand what's been posted - but I don't understand why this past relationship is a problem for you when you state you've moved on - ?

EDIT: By the way, "she thought I was too good of a guy for her" is second only to "It's not you, it's me." It's called "letting you down gently."

I've used the line myself!

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I realize you don't understand what's been posted - but I don't understand why this past relationship is a problem for you when you state you've moved on - ?

EDIT: By the way, "she thought I was too good of a guy for her" is second only to "It's not you, it's me." It's called "letting you down gently."

I've used the line myself!

Oh she didn't actually say that she kept putting herself down when we were dating and said I'm too good to her. Also, she never said that when breaking up or when we talked shortly after.

I haven't 100% moved on, like I said I just literally met someone as in met and got their number.

My issue is how am I suppose to trust what I feel? Or what seems to be happening with someone new if I don't even understand? Maybe I need more closure? I don't know. Is this normal to feel this way?

Wouldn't even bother. She knows where you are. If she wanted you, you would know about it. Let her be confused in her own world and get a life away from her. Go no contact, delete all her contact info.

The best revenge is to live an amazing life. In time they will know about it. Curiosity gets them sniffing :P Nothing worse for the ex than finding out you were the one that got away :)

You're wasting your time and just prolonging the hurt if you can't forget about this and move on. Don't get caught up in whether it was a real connection as you put it... talking to her isn't going to make that any more clear... in fact, it will probably just help to confuse things.

Let it go and be done with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

You're wasting your time and just prolonging the hurt if you can't forget about this and move on. Don't get caught up in whether or not it was a real connection as you put it....talking to her isn't going to make that any more clear...in fact, it will probably just help to confuse things.

Let it go and be done with it.

"Let it go and be done with it." Me thinks that isn't a possibility for this person. Otherwise it would have been done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

You're wasting your time and just prolonging the hurt if you can't forget about this and move on. Don't get caught up in whether or not it was a real connection as you put it....talking to her isn't going to make that any more clear...in fact, it will probably just help to confuse things.

Let it go and be done with it.

That's what I'm trying to do. I don't let things go so easily but maybe I'll just give myself more time. I have some emotional issues that I have to deal with and I was doing great until this girl.

I think I'll just wait it out and it'll fade eventually. Maybe I was panicking over the idea of dating someone else or something.\

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Wouldn't even bother. She knows where you are. If she wanted you, you would know about it. Let her be confused in her own world and get a life away from her. Go no contact, delete all her contact info.

The best revenge is to live an amazing life. In time they will know about it. Curiosity gets em sniffing :P Nothing worse for the ex than finding out you were the one that got away :)

Well I don't have any desire for "revenge" haha, she didn't do anything mean to me, it would be much easier to forget her if she did, ironically. I just have to believe what she said to me, I don't know why I doubt things so much, she did really like me and feels weird about still liking me. Throughout this entire ordeal, dating+break up, she never changed her tone about how much she liked me and how great I was but of course the ex-factor is a strong force.

She even said she usually has to cut contact but can't do that with me, so I shouldn't be so doubtful. I was falling for her and she said she was becoming attached to me. We are both fairly emotional people with a bit of baggage.

I am doing NC right now, but I'm not going to delete her from my life we get along well and could be friends later on. We are so eerily similar and that is one reason we got along so well. I have pretty strong control over texting, calling, Facebooking anyway.

I haven't freaked out or even thought about asking her back, most of what I'm dealing with is my past issues that are hard to control. I didn't exactly have the best self-esteem for a long time.

It's true, she does know how to get a hold of me if she wants something in the future or just to try to be friends.

Thanks for the responses everyone!