Ask Me Help Desk - Bumped into my ex on a night out. I need some advice

Last night I was on a night out and towards the end of the night I unintentionally bumped into my ex at our favourite bar. We literally walked right into each other and ended up having a chat. It was a bit of an awkward situation since we were both literally put on the spot and I don't know about her but I was at that point very much under the influence of alcohol.

This was the first contact that we have had in 3 months but I was happy to see her. Despite the obvious awkwardness, we had a nice little chat and even complimented each other on our appearances, she looked beautiful as always. At the end of the conversation as she was about to walk out I asked her if she would like to give me her number as it had changed and understandably she was a bit reluctant but suggested to me that I could get it from one of our mutual friends and then she left. The whole time I could tell she missed me and under better circumstances such as a different setting from a packed out pub and not under influence as well as not put on the spot, we could easily have had a nice non-awkward talk.

I just feel confused now though because I would love to re-connect with her to be friends if nothing else but I have asked our mutual friend who obviously has asked my ex to confirm that its OK if she passes her number on to me so my friend said she will let me know when she hears something but its been a good few hours now and yet I've not heard anything.

I am feeling an element of apprehension about it now and wonder if it was a way of shaking me off or not despite initial friendliness. A part of me wishes I hadn't bumped into her in that situation now as I am feeling pretty down now and confused about the whole thing.

I would appreciate some advice and opinions. Thank you

Sounds like she's blowing you off. If she had wanted you to have her new number there's no reason she couldn't have given it to you then and there. She told you to get it from her friend, hoping you'd get the hint and leave it alone.

She was friendly, probably because she doesn't hate you. That doesn't mean that she wants to be friends, or reconnect.

You really have to let it go.

Perhaps your right. I feel like such a fool though and frustration. I had come along way since we broke up and had no contact but I feel like its reset how much I miss her. I feel like such a mug for not realising it. If its true then I've never ever been blown off like that before, such a kick in the balls

Quote:

Originally Posted by snakenath

Perhaps your right. I feel like such a fool though and frustration. I had come along way since we broke up and had no contact but i feel like its reset how much i miss her. I feel like such a mug for not realising it. If its true then ive never ever been blown off like that before, such a kick in the balls

It's really not a kick in the balls, and it shouldn't have been a surprise that she didn't want you to have her new number.

Think about it. Does she have your number? If so, she could have called you any time and given you her new number. If she had wanted you to have it, that's what she would have done. She didn't.

Did she change her number after the two of you broke up? If so, that's an even bigger clue that she no longer wanted you to have a way to contact her.

Just take it for what it was, an accidental meeting. She was polite, but that's it, she didn't give you any clue that she wanted to start contact again. She handled it the best she could without being rude. It doesn't have to set you back. But obsessing about the phone number, sitting around waiting for the friend to call back to tell you if you'll get the number, is a set back. But it's your setback, not something caused by her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

It's really not a kick in the balls, and it shouldn't have been a surprise that she didn't want you to have her new number.

Think about it. Does she have your number? If so, she could have called you any time and given you her new number. If she had wanted you to have it, that's what she would have done. She didn't.

Did she change her number after the two of you broke up? If so, that's an even bigger clue that she no longer wanted you to have a way to contact her.

Just take it for what it was, an accidental meeting. She was polite, but that's it, she didn't give you any clue that she wanted to start contact again. She handled it the best she could without being rude. It doesn't have to set you back. But obsessing about the phone number, sitting around waiting for the friend to call back to tell you if you'll get the number, is a set back. But it's your setback, not something caused by her.

I understand what your saying. If I hear nothing back then il just let it slide and not go chasing. I have no idea if she's still got my number but she told me last night that her number had changed because her phone contract had ended and she had changed contract so her number changed. Feeling pretty naïve really, should have seen it blatantly hitting me in the face. If she feels that she doesn't want to reconnect then that's fine, il respect her decision as much as it hurts.

Man... I thought I recognized your name and I was right. I looked back at some of your older stuff about her. You really need to let her go and forget about her. This is not good for you at all. As was already stated, if she wanted more from you, she could have and would have gave you her number right there... she didn't... let it go before it kills you.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Man....I thought I recognized your name and I was right. I looked back at some of your older stuff about her. You really need to let her go and forget about her. This is not good for you at all. As was already stated, if she wanted more from you, she could have and would have gave you her number right there....she didn't....let it go before it kills you.

Its OK I understand now. I thought that perhaps there was a chance through the glimmer of blind hope but I know what your both saying and I get it. Was just being naïve about it but I understand she has made her decision and if she was ever interested in reconnecting then she would on her own accord and would have made an effort to make sure I had her number.

Il leave it at that.