She tells him she still cares about him and they talk and text each other sometimes up to 3 or more times a day. He calls her every morning to say good morning.

They where married for 20 years with kids so keeping in contact for the kids is understandable but there text and conversations are not about them. I feel that's an excuse just to chat. She told me to be patient and that she is in love with me now. In fact I met her at the same time she met him all those years ago. She says she has been in love with me for all those years I wasn't around. He was a very abusive husband and kept telling him she should be with me.

She found me again on face book about 9 months ago. But he is a very wealthy man and I'm not so I think she might be keeping us both till she really decides what she wants. He knows of me and hates me and when ever we are together he texts and rings no stop. He even sends her pics of himself. Which I have seen the way she looks at them. She says she feels sorry for him and if ever I say something negative about him she defends him and tells me to stop it. He doesn't pay her any money for the kids cause he's punishing her for leaving him and she won't do anything about it. She says he's suffering enough with the loss if his family to me. She also defends me whenever he talks bad about me to her. I've heard her do that. But sometimes after talking with him she gets in this mood and I can't even touch her. She brings him up in conversations all the time.

Am I just being to insecure?

Any advice please I'm so confused and don't know any more what to do

I'm not entirely sure about how I should answer this, but I think you shouldn't worry about it. Even if this seems like crap to you, the truth truly is that a relationship is built on trust. She will have feelings for him (she's had kids with him) but I assure you, there's only a slight chance that it will be romantic. Trust her, love her blindly, don't get too worked up, and trust me, things will work out fine. If she truly loves you, then she would never do anything to hurt you. If you truly love her, don't doubt her. Trust her.

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Originally Posted by itmeeverybody

I'm not entirely sure about how I should answer this, but I think you shouldn't worry about it. Even if this seems like crap to you, the truth truly is that a relationship is built on trust. She will have feelings for him (she's had kids with him) but I assure you, there's only a slight chance that it will be romantic. Trust her, love her blindly, don't get too worked up, and trust me, things will work out fine. If she truly loves you, then she would never do anything to hurt you. If you truly love her, don't doubt her. Trust her.

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Thank you

I think her contact with him is excessive - he calls HER to say good morning to HER every day?

I would be unhappy.

She has already told you she was in love with you when she was married to him. That alone would make me uneasy.

And, yes, my late husband had an ex-wife and chldren. He and his ex were friendly, kept in close contact, but she didn't call him every day to see how he was feeling (or the other way around), possibly out of respect for me (his second wife), possibly because the relationship was over and how she/he felt was immaterial to the other.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I think her contact with him is excessive - he calls HER to say good morning to HER every day?

I would be unhappy.

She has already told you she was in love with you when she was married to him. That alone would make me uneasy.

And, yes, my late husband had an ex-wife and chldren. He and his ex were friendly, kept in close contact, but she didn't call him every day to see how he was feeling (or the other way around), possibly out of respect for me (his second wife), possibly because the relationship was over and how she/he felt was immaterial to the other.

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I am unhappy. A few months ago she told me she considered him to be the easy way out to get that easy money life back. And that he would take her back at the drop if s hat

She would be looking at the back of my head as I ran for the door. All else aside this woman is very materialistic - can you keep her in the lifestyle she thinks she deserves?

If not at some point or another she is going to "move on."

Contact is one thing but this is way overboard. Calling every m orning to say hi is not something I would accept.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Contact is one thing but this is way overboard. Calling every m orning to say hi is not something I would accept.

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He's not paying her any child support money for the 2 kids (15 & 13) and never has. So she says she's still talking nice to him to try and get him to pay.

Sounds like an excuse to me. If he hasn't done it, talking nice isn't going to make it happen. The only way she is going to make that happen is through the courts.

I work in the Court system - don't believe her. If she wanted/needed the support she'd take him back to Court. You didn't answer my question - if she stays with you can you support her in the lifestyle she's trying to attain?

So she says she's nice to him so he'll pay child support. How's that working out for her?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I work in the Court system - don't believe her. If she wanted/needed the support she'd take him back to Court. You didn't answer my question - if she stays with you can you support her in the lifestyle she's trying to attain?

So she says she's nice to him so he'll pay child support. How's that working out for her?

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No I can't support her to the lifestyle she's use to but I can support her comfortably. I just had a long talk with her on the phone and she spoke a lot about her ex. The divorce comes through in April court date which ATM he refuses to sign any papers. He's just lost on job and today is going for a new job. She said she's been talking to him a lot lately to boost his confidence and help him get the job so then he can start paying child support she also said that he mentioned he noticed she's been talking to him a lot and asked if WE where going OK. He's a very manipulative man who plants thoughts into her head. For example I lost about 9kg in weight on a strict diet and she told him (why I don't know) and he told her that I lost it so quickly that must be on drugs and she actually seriously sat me down and asked me and then questioned how I lost the weight. He's done that sort of thing often. She just told me that I don't need to ever worry about losing her and don't feel threatened about him. And the fact that he's coming to stay in our house next month for a family birthday dinner and I have to go and sleep on my mums couch is OK. She said how would it look to the kids if she made there father go to a motel. She also just told me not to worry as these sort of things will fade away soon. She told me all this cause I was honest with her and told her how it made me feel. She can be hard to talk to as she is all most finished her criminal psychologist degree so she really knows how to talk and answer a question with a question which makes me look bad

It just keeps getting worse...

He's obviously not going to pay child support on his own so that part of the argument is out.

She has no need to fill him in on things about you... so why is she doing it?

She knows it bothers you that she does this but continues to do so.

NOW... he's coming to stay with you guys next month for a party... and how would it look to the kids if he couldn't stay there? REALLY? Where, exactly, is he going to sleep?

She's messing with you buddy... she really is.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

It just keeps getting worse....

He's obviously not going to pay child support on his own so that part of the argument is out.

She has no need to fill him in on things about you....so why is she doing it?

She knows it bothers you that she does this but continues to do so.

NOW....he's coming to stay with you guys next month for a party...and how would it look to the kids if he couldn't stay there? REALLY? Where, exactly, is he going to sleep?

She's messing with you buddy....she really is.

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He came up last month to "see the kids" and stayed at the house for the weekend. I was on my mums couch and could not see her. He slept with his daughter. But the kids told me he hardly spent anytime with them and just followed her around the whole time sulking to get her back and talking bad about me. He tried to get her drunk on the sat night but she didn't drink with him and went to bed. Now her sister is staying with us ATM so he instead got her in the room and tried to have sex with her. My partner walk in on them but didn't do much about it. So why is she letting him come there again. I don't understand. I love this woman but I just don't know weather I can or should feel safe and comfortable with everything.

Talaniman Rule- NEVER give your heart to someone with the ex still active in their life.

What are you even doing living with a female whose divorce is not final?

You aren't insecure, your crazy to even be in this drama.

A criminal psychologist degree - ?