OK... This is quite bizarre as nothing is actually wrong.

I have a girlfriend of (technically 3 months but quite an intricate history) long story short we're expecting to move in at the end of this year and move towards marrage/kids.

In an average week we'll spend most nights together at her place or mine, usually only opting to not sleep over when work or other commitments intervene

This afternoon I was dead tired (from a Survivor Pearl Islands marathon we watched last night and had a blast together)

I wanted to just spend tonight at home alone, even though we'd spoken about having dinner and me staying at hers. She seemed fine with this, though sounded a little disappointed on the phone.

I know she loves me deeply, I know I love her deeply... Which leads me to my question...

Why do I feel like I've let her down by not staying over on one occasion?

I understand this is a hard question to help with seeing as a lot of it would rely upon the specific in's and outs of how we relate to one another... I just feel like a bit of a d*ck for bailing on her...

My suspicion is that I'm not used to "doing my own thing" and usually go with what she wants to do... She's particularly strong willed and "whats the plan Jenni-anne?" often comes out of my lips. I know she won't really take it badly me not staying over... and me "doing my own thing" is perfectly okay, and probably a good thing as long as everything is in moderation so to speak.

I just can't seem to shake this feeling that by not going along with 'the plan' I've somehow annoyed her, or upset her.

So really my question is, how can I find a balance between doing my own thing when I need to (not being a push over) and doing what she wants also?

I don't think this is a huge issue at all since we get along great, but I sense a desire in me to stand up for what I want to do more, and I want some help going about this.

Any comments are great :)

Cheers

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It's funny how many people come here starting saying nothing is wrong, when something IS wrong. You haven't been together all that long, so are still in the 'eager to please' stage. Eventually you may find that you are not so thrilled with her strong will, which may be your polite way of saying she's a control freak. Don't let me put words in your mouth, but that's what it sounds like you are hoping someone will notice. If so, you have to have a good heart to heart before you move in together. Having time to yourself is not only healthy, it's impossible to last without it. Tell her so, and don't wimp out in an effort to be sweet and loving and agreeable. You can say it matter of factly without complaining, just 'this is what I need for a long life together.' It's possible that you aren't really right for each other, if your whole life is going to be planned for you.

My girlfriend and I of 6 months (with a long history of friendship) have reached the stage in our relationship where having outlandish conversation is getting tough.

The love is absolutely there, The trust is coming along in some ways, not in others

We trust each other that we'll be honest and monogamous.

But I'm having trouble trusting her in the respect that we know we both hate how we can't talk like we used to, it leaves us feeling pressured to find things to say and then things don't come because we, certainly I, feel anxiety because of this.

It's hard to push through conversation because she hates it when it's not easy, when we have to put effort in to talk about things - conversation isn't as free as it was

I find it hard to relax, I guess the problem has been completely identified.. now silences seem so obvious, that makes me worry.

She doesn't like how when we've got nothing to talk about I start to think there's something wrong, when at the same time wishes we talked like we used to

We talked today about how conversation came so easily when we were a new couple, and how that seems lost. It's not that we don't talk at all, it's that we would have "crazy" conversations about everything that would leave us laughing and very much in love.

We were smoking a lot of Marijuana back then and don't at all anymore so that's probably a contributing factor.

I'm not okay with us being in love purely for the memory of those times, it's too new to be okay with giving up the things we fell in love for.

How can we get that spark back?

How can I learn to trust that we'll find it so that it may come back easier and without me feeling worried that it won't?

Notes:
We're 23 and 25
We go out to dinner probably once a fortnight if not more
We were planning on living together in about 6 months time
We're avid Survivor fans and love talking about that
We have tickle fights, I steal her sock and make fun of her that she's only got one sock...

I love her to bits but I can't seem to find what we had that we don't anymore...

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The spark of a new relationship always burns brightest. When everything is new, there's so much to talk about, so much to experience together for the first time. That wears off.

Those that embrace the changes all relationships go through, love each other through change, are the relationships that last.

I've been with my husband since we were both 19, 23 years now. We can sit in a room together totally silent, and just enjoy being with each other. We don't have to talk to fill the silence, or to feel connected.

If you feel that you need this spark to make it work, then I'm afraid most of your relationships will fail, because that new relationship spark only lasts a while. A healthy relationships does require work, but if you have to force being comfortable around each other (and it sounds like that's what you're saying) then it's doomed.

You both have to figure out if this relationship can stand the test of time, the changes all relationships go through. Better to find out now than 10 years from now when you're married, have a few kids, and realize you have nothing in common at all.

I agree, why do you feel you have to talk, My wife jokes she could number things I say and instead of saying it, just mention a number, I say the same things a lot.

Do you both read ? If so, tell each other about books you are reading.
News, if you must talk,