Originally Posted by
Cat1864
The following isn't to place 'blame' or responsibility for the issue, but to get you to look at it in a different way.
I see at least one major red flag. How are you "still working on" repairing your relationship after the cheating, split, and taking him back? If my math is correct, it has been about a year and a half since you got back together again. Have you regained any trust in him? Is it a subject that still gets mentioned especially when someone is upset? Are you worried he might be cheating again?
If things were fine for over a year and the problem with porn began three months ago, what else changed? Is he under more stress from work/school, family, friends, the relationship, etc.? Is he feeling overworked or exhausted? Is he healthy or if he isn't is he taking any medications which might be affecting him?
Does he show affection and intimacy in other ways, at other times?
How did you react when he started masturbating more and having sex less? Have you been pressuring him to have sex or have you backed off to let him deal with anything that is bothering him? When you have talked to him about the issue, was it a discussion or a lecture with questions at the end?
Porn is a tool. People can and do masturbate without using any form of erotica. It is the masturbation that is easier. Masturbation takes care of the individual's needs without having to put effort or concern into their partner's needs.
You say you are willing to have sex, but are you willing to be the human equivalent of a masturbatory aid. There to get him off and nothing in return? Would you want to use him as a vibrator to get you off and not care if he gets any pleasure out of it? Is that how you really want to be treated?
You say that you are insecure. How does that affect your relationship? Are you expecting him to make you feel more secure or are you attempting to build up confidence in yourself? I ask because sometimes we can be clingy and needy without realizing what we are doing. It is a lot of work to reassure a partner who isn't receptive.
I think you both need to sit down and talk with each other about what is going on in your lives and the relationship. Listen with open minds to what each other is saying. Look at all aspects of the relationship and see how they are interconnecting. You may find that the problem isn't in your sex life but something seemingly unrelated which is affecting it and your perceptions. Work together to find a compromise/solution.
