I'm 21. I live w/ my fiancé. I get really depressed and sad sometime's. Other time's I get mad or angry. Most of the time I get sad and I don't know why. All my life I've delt with a mean father and mentally loony mother. My friend's have turned their back on me in the past. My grandfather died a yr ago. My mom is in a home. My fiancé doesn't think I should be depressed. I should be happy because I'm with him. Well I am, just not all the time. When I get to thinking sometime's I get sad. He tell's me that there's no need for me to be depressed and that I should just forget it. He doesn't understand or listen. And I really can't explain it. I have no friend's because I lost touch with them (most weren't my friend's anyway). I don't have a job yet- were working on finding one after he get's his job (imilitary PC programming or w/e). But I am at home all the time and have no friend's to see. Not any family really. Except my anoying dad and grandmother. When I get a job in a few month's I'll have something to do. But until then ill be alone 13hr's a day and I don't think I'll handle it well. I feel like a bad perosn. Maybe no one want's to be my friend because I'm not worth it. I give up, I really don't know what to do. I've got no money to get help. Got no one to talk to other then a wall or my fiancé. So might as well talk here. See if anyone's out there to hear.

Have you considered going to your doctor or a psychiatrist or psychologist? That could help you a lot. You need to get out of that mindframe and get out and do something. Excersise is sooooo good for mental health not to mention physical. Once you get started you'll want to keep on and it makes you feel so good. Your fiancé needs to understand depression-it doesn't matter how wonderful your life is on the outside, when your depressed it is hard to control the feelings you have, but there is hope. I strongly recommend going to the doctor and trying to find something to do with your time. There has got to be something that you like to do. If you don't know try experimenting with different things. Volunteering is always good. It is really hard and almost impossible for people who do not or have never had depression to understand it. You need to find some material that he can read to better understand it. The good thing is you can get help with this and love your life- You should go to a doctor to discuss the different options for you so you can be happy again. :)

Raynefreak, I will be your friend.

You do have a right to be sad. Men and women don't see things in the same light most of the time, plus your boyfriend isn't the one with your family issues. Men tend to take their partners feelings personally; if you are sad, it is his fault and if you are mad, he's mad. They think you are directing your feeling to them and that you see it as their fault. (Us women do that sometimes, but not always) Men want to fix things, that is what they do, but if they can't fix it then you shouldn't worry about it. And really, you can't fix it! He simply don't understand what you are going through! Just talk to him and explain that you are not sad or angry with him it is the issues you listed above that you don't want him to do anything, you just want him to listen. You really just want and need to talk. It really does help!

Good Luck and God Loves You!

All great advice. I have'nt been to the doc's and he would be anoying about it. He'd say something like where is this coming from? Or your fine. It's really cold so being outside isn't an option. I also tend to get tired quickly. I can't go anywhere because we got one car which he will need for work. Also, I'm not good at much of anything so I can't volunteer. Plus I couldn't get there. I don't know what to do. He would be werid if I said I need to see a doc.

Hi Raynefreak
Ok, first of all, if he doesn't think you need to see a doc to take care of yourself, explain to your fiancée that this is not something you can control, and direct him to do some research of his own (sometimes guys need to see it for themselves) at these websites: Welcome to Depression.com and NIMH: Depression and depression.about.com/. Depression is a difficult thing to understand if you've never been there yourself. But know this... it is NOT your fault.
Second... it sounds like you really need some help and you've taken the first big step in admitting it and in reaching out. Give yourself a pat on the back. That's usually the hardest part. I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, but I have worked in the mental health field for almost 3 years now. It sounds like you might need some sort of medication to help you out with this.
You said it's really cold out so you can't get outside to exercise. Is there sunshine at all where you live? How far north are you? If you can get yourself out in the sun for just 15 minutes a day, it can help you elevate and stabilize your moods. Sometimes, when the weather is really cold out and we're not getting outside as often, it decreases our mood and increases symptoms of depression, so any bit of sun you can get will help.
What other things do you enjoy doing? Are there any crafts or other inside activities that you've enjoyed doing in the past? If so, try to pick them up again. I know it's hard to pull out of the darkness, but going back to things that you've enjoyed before sometimes can really help you feel better about yourself.
You say that you don't really have any friends anymore. Do you have any social supports? Any groups you belong to or church maybe? There have been studies that show the more you reach out to other people and have human contact, the fewer symptoms of depression you may experience. Look in your community for support groups - there are lots of people out there that suffer from depression and need someone to talk to that understands.
It sounds like money may be tight for your right now. Whether you are involved in a particular church, try contacting churches around you for counseling services. Many churches provide free counseling services. If you aren't a member of their church, they may try to give you a little sell on it, but overall they will try to help you.
And don't say you're not much good at anything... everyone has a talent, you may just not have found yours yet. What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy? What gets you excited in life? Give it some thought... you are so good at things!
Raise your head up, take a big deep giant breath and let it come from your belly... now do it 9 more times! (honest, it can help!)
Best of luck,
Kim

Hi Raynefreak, from the way I see it, you are feeling "Nothingness" - it is an awakening, actually, being shocked to wakefulness, that you are, your being is, "scattered".


It is not something you would naturally wish to go away - it is something you should dive into and experience with all awareness and consciousness. Solitude would be your platform to accomplish this - but is not a place of stillness or insightfullness... rather, solitude is to stand in the middle of storm, facing yourself with brutal honesty and surrender, no pretentions, no fabrications, just you and your being.


Come out of it whole and more human... ;)

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Originally Posted by Raynefreak

I'm 21. I live w/ my fiance. I get really depressed and sad sometime's. Other time's i get mad or angry. Most of the time i get sad and i don't know why. All my life i've delt with a mean father and mentally loony mother. My friend's have turned their back on me in the past. My grandfather died a yr ago. My mom is in a home. My fiance doesn't think i should be depressed. I should be happy b/c im with him. Well i am, just not all the time. When i get to thinking sometime's i get sad. He tell's me that there's no need for me to be depressed and that i should just forget it. He doesn't understand or listen. And i really can't explain it. I have no friend's b/c i lost touch with them (most weren't my friend's anyway). I don't have a job yet- were working on finding one after he get's his job (imilitary pc programming or w/e). But i am at home all the time and have no friend's to see. Not any family really. Except my anoying dad and grandmother. When i get a job in a few month's i'll have something to do. But til then ill be alone 13hr's a day and i don't think i'll handle it well. I feel like a bad perosn. Maybe no one want's to be my friend b/c i'm not worth it. I give up, i really don't know what to do. I've got no money to get help. Got no one to talk to other then a wall or my fiance. So might as well talk here. See if anyone's out there to hear.

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I'm surprised your are not more depressed with all the loss you've had and emotional struggles over the years. You are normal not crazy. Maybe you are grieving yor losses and you are feeling out of control. It appears you need a way to feel empowered instead of victimized. Feeling sad is okay at times as well as feeling angry-emotions aren't rational but they are great communicators about what is going on with us.

Raynefreak,

You are not alone. I had a really crappy childhood and dealt with the fallout through out my twenties. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself. It will pass and things will get brighter.

Everyone has given really great advice and I agree with getting to your doctor about the depression. Depression robs a person of everything - your ability to function, your perception, moods, health, etc. It can make you a prisoner, which it how it sounds from your post here.

Your state should have a toll free mental health hotline. It would be in the phone book. At least call and talk to someone who can start to help you and refer to real time help. Also, there are many websites that offer information and support. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is a good website - NIMH: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) Home Page

I have suffered with depression most of my life and it is treatable. Best of all to you.

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Originally Posted by tnkhinrichs

You said it's really cold out so you can't get outside to exercise. Is there sunshine at all where you live? How far north are you? If you can get yourself out in the sun for just 15 minutes a day, it can help you elevate and stabilize your moods. Sometimes, when the weather is really cold out and we're not getting outside as often, it decreases our mood and increases symptoms of depression, so any bit of sun you can get will help.
What other things do you enjoy doing? Are there any crafts or other inside activities that you've enjoyed doing in the past? If so, try to pick them up again. I know it's hard to pull out of the darkness, but going back to things that you've enjoyed before sometimes can really help you feel better about yourself.
You say that you don't really have any friends anymore. Do you have any social supports? Any groups you belong to or church maybe? There have been studies that show the more you reach out to other people and have human contact, the fewer symptoms of depression you may experience. Look in your community for support groups - there are lots of people out there that suffer from depression and need someone to talk to that understands.
It sounds like money may be tight for your right now. Whether or not you are involved in a particular church, try contacting churches around you for counseling services. Many churches provide free counseling services. If you aren't a member of their church, they may try to give you a little sell on it, but overall they will try to help you.
And don't say you're not much good at anything...everyone has a talent, you may just not have found yours yet. What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy? What gets you excited in life? Give it some thought....you are so good at things!
Raise your head up, take a big deep giant breath and let it come from your belly...now do it 9 more times! (honest, it can help!)
Best of luck,
Kim

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Where I live, is PA. We are in winter so I hate being in the cold. I walk to get the mail every day or two. That's 10 minute's in the sun lol. I play WoW a online vidioe game a lot. It's something I enjoy to do lol. I don't have any support other then my fiancé and his mom, but I rather talk to my fiancé. I have people I know but they are far away or too busy to talk. All my friend's turned there back on me. I used to go to church but I don't have a faith anymore. It'd be werid going to one. Also, since my fiancé will have a job soon, I woln't have anyway to get places. I'm shy, I tend to be the one to sit in the back at school. Lol. I like art. I took it in school for 4-5 years. I'm not good at it in my opinion. But I like it I guess. I can't go to classes or school because I need a G.E.D. and or money. Thanks for all the help everyone, I really welcome it.

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Originally Posted by Megg

I'm 21. I live w/ my fiance. I get really depressed and sad sometime's. Other time's i get mad or angry. Most of the time i get sad and i don't know why. All my life i've delt with a mean father and mentally loony mother. My friend's have turned their back on me in the past. My grandfather died a yr ago. My mom is in a home. My fiance doesn't think i should be depressed. I should be happy b/c im with him. Well i am, just not all the time. When i get to thinking sometime's i get sad. He tell's me that there's no need for me to be depressed and that i should just forget it. He doesn't understand or listen. And i really can't explain it. I have no friend's b/c i lost touch with them (most weren't my friend's anyway). I don't have a job yet- were working on finding one after he get's his job (imilitary pc programming or w/e). But i am at home all the time and have no friend's to see. Not any family really. Except my anoying dad and grandmother. When i get a job in a few month's i'll have something to do. But til then ill be alone 13hr's a day and i don't think i'll handle it well. I feel like a bad perosn. Maybe no one want's to be my friend b/c i'm not worth it. I give up, i really don't know what to do. I've got no money to get help. Got no one to talk to other then a wall or my fiance. So might as well talk here. See if anyone's out there to hear.

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Your depressed because you are bored. Get involved in work that you really love. Take care of yourself. Eat right and exercise. Do healthy things. Staying at home by yourself would make anybody depressed.

I know what you feel. I hope that you make it through. My life can't get any harder. I'm the youngest and I feel like I'm dead and just a spirit. I need help and want my hatred to be free.

My suggestion... even if its weird give church another try. Your situation is so so close to mine. You just need the source of strength. Oh and tell your man what you need and force him to make it a priority.

I have been in your position before and I can honestly tell you that you need to at least talk about it, if possible to a doctor. Depression can be caused by anything from boredom, to trauma, to low serotonin levels. I don't want to frighten you, but I broke up with my long-term boyfriend really badly, and in the space of a few hours I felt unable to eat, sleep or even talk. It slowly progressed over a few days I had become self-destructive, violent and completely detached from the world. I was put on a therapy course and now I am back to my usual self, cheerful and very content with my life. The awful thing about depression is that it changes who you are and how you see things. But it can come over very quickly. I have no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't contacted a Doctor I would have done something terrible. Please see someone about it, I don't want anyone to go through what I had to.

All the best x

I agree you have some good recommendations here. Depression is real and it hurts. I would make sure to take a woman's vitamin every day and get enough sleep. You have been through some hard times and I think you have been upset - and you probably have not realized how upset you have been. Then the sadness comes in and you wonder why. But I think anyone would feel this way if they had these losses. I am sure that you have some anger also about having to go through these experiences - and sometimes when we become so frustrated at life as to why we have to go through something hurtful - then we blame ourselves and turn the anger inward. Freud had a name for this - can't remember now. Just know that things happen out of our control sometimes and go easy on yourself. Things will get better.

It is important that you connect with other people in person - maybe taking a class on something you like. The other thing is to remember prayer. Go to the library and look into a few books on spiritual issues, prayer or healing. Whatever you can read to help you regain your focus again. Take care.