Ask Me Help Desk - Help with who may be the father

Help with who may be the father

I'm not sure exactly when my last period was, but I believe that it was the beginning of September. I had unprotected intercourse on the 11th and 12th of September with a partner and again on the 16th and 20th with a different partner. My ultrasounds have been consistent with a June 11th due date and if it make any difference, I've always had very irregular periods. I know the dates are extremely close, which make it hard to determine paternity, but I wanted to know if there was a way to give an educated guess as to who would more likely be the father. Thanks so much in advance.

You have to tell them both they might be... and have DNA testing done AFTER the child is born... There is no other way.

They are both going to be pleased as punch.

With dates of encounters being so close, there is no way of knowing who the father is. You will have to have a DNA test after the baby is born.

smoothy- they are both aware, why would I or what made you think I hadn't told them? They have both been supportive and understanding of the situation. I'm not asking for a definitive answer, just an educated guess, based of the due date on when I may have ovulated and conceived.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iridescent7

I'm not asking for a definitive answer, just an educated guess, based of the due date on when I may have ovulated and conceived.

Impossible. You would get just as good an answer by flipping a coin. You are only talking about the span of less than a week between the times you did this... there is no way to even make an "educated guess".

Never mind. I went to a conception calculator. For anyone else who may have had a similar question, here is the info I got.

Results:
First Day of Last Menstrual Period: September 4, 2012
Probable Date of Ovulation: September 18, 2012
Possible Dates of Conception: September 15 to September 22, 2012
Due Date: June 11, 2013 (40 weeks)

Most other sites put my ovulation date at the 18th. Although I realize that the possibility is still there with both, I think I found the answer myself

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

With dates of encounters being so close, there is no way of knowing who the father is. You will have to have a DNA test after the baby is born.

I gave you the reputation points for being the only one who wasn't rude or condescending.

Remember that those calculators can be highly inaccurate. They are based on a strict mathematical formula.

Sperm can live inside a woman's body for 3-5 days. Your encounters fall into that timeframe, so you will need a paternity test.

Unless there was a camera in your fallopian tubes, we don't know exactly when the sperm met the egg.

I understand its not going to be a 100% accurate answer, I know there is no camera, I know there is no way to know exactly when egg and sperm meet, but it does help a little to know the most likely possible ovulation date. I used the calculations from my 8 week U/S. I've had many, probably around 6 or 7 now and they all are between the 11th and the 13th for dates. Thank you for your help.

I have to somewhat respectfully disagree with the calculations of the "calculator."

I have the gestational wheel that your doctor uses. Without knowing exactly the first day of your LMP, and going by due dates only, I place your conception date on or around September 19.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I have to somewhat respectfully disagree with the calculations of the "calculator."

I have the gestational wheel that your doctor uses. Without knowing exactly the first day of your LMP, and going by due dates only, I place your conception date on or around September 19.

I'm sorry it was the 2nd, I finished on the 5th
But I do have really long cycles, like 32 days

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I'm not sure exactly when my last period was

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my lmp was the 5th of Sept

You just contradicted yourself. Now I'm confused.

I said I wasn't sure exactly when it was, but I also said that I knew it was the beginning of September, How is that a contradiction? I just gave my best guess from the 2nd to the fifth, give or take one or two days.

Contextomy

And to be blunt, conception dates, even at the best calculations are off by plus or minus a week, and often up to two weeks.

So there is no way, at all, no ultrasound, not calculation, that will narrow it down to a specific day, even a specific week will still be a rough estimate.

So all the figuring and all the thinking will still leave you with the need for a DNA test when the child is born

Listen... tell them both... get the DNA test done... only one of them can be the father... and if child support ever comes up... its going to be done then... and nothing will tick a guy off more then being made to believe something that's not true based on no more than a wild guess.

Doing anything different is only going to make this much worse than it needs to be.

People always prefer honesty over deception. And besides... if you use the Ouija Board calculator... and you get your heart on one and think its settled... then find out it's the other?

You do a favor for none of you three by taking any shortcuts. There is no answer that will be easy or painless... but the alternatives are all far worse than this way.

I knew a girl in this same situation... only instead of 2... it was 6. And this was before DNA testing was a reality... imagine the problems that caused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Listen...tell them both....get the DNA test done....only one of them can be the father...and if child support ever comes up...its going to be done then...and nothing will tick a guy off more then being made to believe something that's not true based on no more than a wild guess.

Doing anything different is only going to make this much worse than it needs to be.

People always prefer honesty over deception. And besides... if you use the Ouija Board calculator....and you get your heart on one and think its settled...then find out its the other?

You do a favor for none of you three by taking any shortcuts. There is no answer that will be easy or painless....but the alternatives are all far worse than this way.

I knew a girl in this same situation....only instead of 2...it was 6. And this was before DNA testing was a reality...imagine the problems that caused.

Smoothy,

I already told you... they both know. I'm not deceiving anyone. What about they both know don't you understand? I'm not your friend who had 6 viable fathers, so you're comparing me to a scenario in your own mind that doesn't exist in my life. Just in case you didn't get it, THEY BOTH KNOW and have known since the day I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. BOTH OF THEM KNOW.