Ask Me Help Desk - Im confused Is there a hidden reason?

I dated a woman for over three years. She has kids (not by me), with her ex-husband. I got along with the kids and her family. I helped clean, cook, laundry, pick the kids up from school dropped them off at the babysitters and picked them up, worked on her car and sometimes her parents car. We lived together in an apartment for a few years. I had two jobs and helped out where I could. She made more money than me. I had bad credit and she has great credit. My car was falling apart at the time and she took me to a dealership and talked me into getting a car. She put it in her name and I pay for everything to do with the car. I'm never late on payments and always pay over the monthly payment. I make the payment around the same time every month. She ended up buying a house. She then started really stressing how it was her house and not mine. Which she was a little harsh about it. She didn't want me to pay for anything dealing with the house. Which I understood why. Her ex-husband didn't pay a dime when they bought a house. They broke up he kicked her and the kids out. They sold the house and he took half the money. I lived in the house with her and the kids for a while. I started working more hours. She made it a point that I be home for dinner every night at six on the dot. So I made it a habit to stop what I was doing go home eat. I would do the dishes and help clean, then I was back to work to finish what I was doing. One day I came home for dinner and she started yelling at me and saying all I do is think about myself, that I only come home when it's time to eat. She started comparing me to her friends husbands and her single friends. I got so frustrated and went to Taco Bell for dinner. I came home and went to bed. When I woke up she kicked me out and took the house keys. I went to friends house to stay. A week later she called me to watch the kids while she went to work. I said o.k. She came home crying. We talked. She gave me the garage door opener but no keys. So I didn't think I was officially welcomed back. I then started to just come over on the weekends. Then one of my jobs took a pay cutt and less hours. She kept taking nice vacations and I couldn't go because I wasn't allowed to take a whole week off from one job and really didn't have that kind of money. She then started going with her friends. She also lost a personal item and accused me of stealing it. She met up with her ex boyfriend (not husband) for lunch one day and said he wanted closure. A couple of months after that she went on vacation ( I went ). Then a few months later she went again ( I didn't go). She came home and told me to get the rest of my stuff and leave. So I did. I tried to be friends with her. I later found out she went with her ex boyfriend on the last vacation. So I dropped her all together.

Sorry for the long explanation, but this is we're I'm confused.
She will randomly send me a message asking about the car payment. I have never been late and always pay the same time every month. She had the kids call and wish me happy birthday. She said she had some mail for me and I asked her to forward it and she said she doesn't trust the post office. So I have to meet her in person. She goes to the gym by my house when she has to pass two or three to get there. She e-mails me for holidays. She invited me to her oldest sons birthday so I could just get something to eat. I told her thanks but I wouldn't feel right there. She called me for help when she could have waited one more day. She hasn't taken our pictures off Facebook. She hardly takes pictures with her boyfriend and cuts him out of sometimes. (I defriended her) Yep she's still with the same guy. It has been over two years since we broke up. It was a very stressful relationship for me. I don't want back into the same relationship. I am very short and cold to her when we talk. I do miss the kids from time to time. I don't think it's right for the kids to be juggled between three different relationships. ( their dad the new boyfriend and me) They want to spend time with me but at their home, I don't want to go over there and see the guy she cheated on me with. I'm sure he wouldn't want to see me there either. So I just stay away as much as possible. I'm just confused on why she contacts me randomly.

I hope you committed a typo when you typed in 'husbands'. Otherwise, this is more complicated than I thought. But really, it's simple.

You are confused but what you don't know is she isn't confused, she's dazed and in more misery than you are. Try juggling work, kids, then figuring out what a father figure is. Poor woman, she's suffering and will continue to suffer until you have a serious talk with her about what you feel is wrong and what she feels is wrong. Geez, especially on V - Day. She and you must surely want someone that day but keep thinking about each other.
You should move on and so should she. The natural thing is letting go of those emotions towards her and her kids but acknowledging their existence. Visit but rarely and tell the mom to have a serious conversation with them about why you two aren't together anymore.

The hidden reason you're referring to is this - She wants a man who can meet her needs and wants. Unfortunately, there are people that like to know they can be taken care of by their other if anything should happen. They never say it because they're doing pretty well on their own and can manage. In that case you really aren't right for each other.

You know it, she knows it but letting go is one of the toughest part. Don't continue this cycle of misery, act upon it and change your world. All it takes is courage. Make sure you're also packing some balls.

And to conclude - There are plenty of woman out there that don't care what a man earns, has, can obtain and control. They just want someone they know they can trust. Trust my friend is rare.

Who has title to the car? End the up and down discussions and random phone calls by either giving it back to her OR refinancing and dealing directly with a bank in your own name. She somehow pressured you into buying a car? I suspect she offered and you accepted. Now that things are rocky she "pressured you."

Of course she acted like the house she bought with her money was her house. That's because it is/was.

Finances are the number 1 cause of divorce. I can only imagine how financial issues tear up a relationship. I don't want to be the one working while my partner is not. Unless there is a clear financial understanding it's a recipe for disaster.

You seem to be more concerned about the uneven finances than she is. Is this your problem or hers?

If you want a break, make a break, straighten out the car, move on. If you don't, talk to her and tell her what you've told us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Username_Chris

I hope you committed a typo when you typed in 'husbands'. Otherwise, this is more complicated than I thought. But really, it's
You are confused but what you don't know is she isn't confused, she's dazed and in more misery than you are. Try juggling work, kids, then figuring out what a father figure is. Poor woman, she's suffering and will continue to suffer until you have a serious talk with her about what you feel is wrong and what she feels is wrong. Geez, especially on V - Day. She and you must surely want someone that day but keep thinking about each other.
You should move on and so should she. The natural thing is letting go of those emotions towards her and her kids but acknowledging their existence. Visit but rarely and tell the mom to have a serious conversation with them about why you two aren't together anymore.

The hidden reason you're referring to is this - She wants a man who can meet her needs and wants. Unfortunately, there are people that like to know they can be taken care of by their other if anything should happen. They never say it because they're doing pretty well on their own and can manage. In that case you really aren't right for each other.

You know it, she knows it but letting go is one of the toughest part. Don't continue this cycle of misery, act upon it and change your world. All it takes is courage. Make sure you're also packing some balls.

And to conclude - There are plenty of woman out there that don't care what a man earns, has, can obtain and control. They just want someone they know they can trust. Trust my friend is rare.

She only has one husband.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Who has title to the car? End the up and down discussions and random phone calls by either giving it back to her OR refinancing and dealing directly with a bank in your own name. She somehow pressured you into buying a car? I suspect she offered and you accepted. Now that things are rocky she "pressured you."

Of course she acted like the house she bought with her money was her house. That's because it is/was.

Finances are the number 1 cause of divorce. I can only imagine how financial issues tear up a relationship. I don't want to be the one working while my partner is not. Unless there is a clear financial understanding it's a recipe for disaster.

You seem to be more concerned about the uneven finances than she is. Is this your problem or hers?

If you want a break, make a break, straighten out the car, move on. If you don't, talk to her and tell her what you've told us.

The car is in her name. I'm going to switch it to my name in one month. I didn't know if she was using the car to keep in touch or if she was generally concerned about me making payments. Which I have been making payments for, for over 3 years. I have never been late and I always pay extra as to not mess up her credit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arramuss

She only has one husband.

OK. I know you're from another country but at least you're making an effort to learn English. And look, man, you can't be judged by anyone except God. If you believe in him, or whatever god you believe in.

Just don't let her make you less. Not even you can do that to yourself.

He's not in US - then my advice is meaningless.

UsernameChris, where are you reading that he's from another country?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

He's not in US - then my advice is meaningless.

Yes I am in the US.

She is divorced. She had kids with her husband when they were married. She was divorced for a few years. We met became friends then dated. A few years later she ended up cheating on me with her ex-bf (boy friend).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arramuss

She is divorced. She had kids with her husband when they were married. She was divorced for a few years. We met became friends then dated. A few years later she ended up cheating on me with her ex-bf (boy friend).

I know what you mean. My biological father left my mom with two kids, went to be with another woman, had two more kids with her, left them when they were young and now he has one more with his current wife and three that are from her. That isn't even the whole story but it's enough.

He did this because he thought he was better than these women so he looks for one that he is at least pleased with. Very sad, really. He never talks to us or any of his kids. And he's wealthy, can you believe it?