Hi people... These days Im surviveing a break up with my girlfriend. But that's not why Im here. Im here because I think the one of the biggest reasons for our break up, and for her "not loveing me" is alcohol. We met like 1 and a half year ago. Ok I drink sometimes, but maybe just like every 1o days or something. But she started studying 4 years ago and she is still 1 year... she changed 3 faculties. In the beginning I didn't realised anything. We were happy in relationship. But las 6 months, I went to other city to live, and she is every night with her friends, different people, last in the bar, until for a.m. and she is drunk. When I went to her, we were at my place to watch some movie, and she bought 3 bears, just to drink it till we watch movie?? In the morning and during the day she is very anxious, we fight a lot, she forget every night to call me, she have hangovers. She denies alcoholism. She often miss some faculty obligations because she get drunk night before. And with lot of fights last 3 months, we broke up. She told me she can't be in a relationship, she don't want comitment, obligation of relationship, she love me but she feels better that way. I don't know... And one more important thing: in the last two months she got fever 4 times!! She very often use marijuana too. She is 23. Please help. We broke up, but if is it possible that she is an alcoholic and that is the reason. Also she said her parents tald her that she is spending too much money. She don't miss any party, just finding the reason for party. If no party, she go to the bar for 2, 3 drinks... Please help. Don't know what to do. If this is the reason because she destroyed us I'm not happy, I would like to help...

Oh, and also during this break up (10 days), when she get drunk, she sending me a messages and calling me to tell me how much she loves me and so... But tomorrow again she don't want to be with me, and so... Please, please, any opinion... I tried everything to save us, but I can not anymore...

HI,
I am 71 yrs old, and by the Grace of God as I understand Him, Alcoholics Anonymous, and great friends I made in AA, I am a grateful recoverying alcoholic. That means I am an alcoholic, but I haven't had a drink of anything with alcohol for 20 years. I was a drinking alcoholic for 29 years!
Only she can tell if she is an alcoholic. Denial is common and normal. I can't really say she is one, only she can tell that. However, she does drink a whole lot! Much more than an average person.
Please believe me when I say that if she really has a drinking problem, there is nothing you can do. She will eventually have to do something for herself, if she realizes she really does have a problem.
I am very sorry to say it again, but there really is nothing you can do. Maybe go to an Ala-Non meeting near you, and you will better understand what I am saying. You would be much better off in life by meeting new people, and falling in love again. I did. Best wishes to you and the best of luck. Life is beautiful, but not with a drinking person who drinks to excess, argues, and gets mean!

fredg has given you some good advice I believe. I am not a recovering alcoholic but I have dealt with a few friends and relatives who had serious problems with alcohol. I would just add that you should make sure that you have done everything you can do to encourage her to get into a treatment program. Some people can turn their lives around as fredg is living proof, but they have to be willing to help themselves unless there are grounds to have them committed to a treatment program, and that is not easy.
One effect of alcoholism (and drugs) that we don't always realize is the amount of death that is associated, via vehicle accidents, disease etc. Put yourself in a position where you will honestly be able to say- I did all I could do (maybe you already have), and move on. In other words, don't leave open the possibility that you will one day look back and say 'If only I had... ".